A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:before you read this sorry about the amount of writng but i felt it needed explaining in full:about a year ago i had a crush on a boy who was friends with a couple of my best friends so i asked him out and he rejected me, but its been nearly 1 and a half years now and my apperence has changed alot and is much better, since then we've become really close and are best friends. but since he rejected me i've been deniying my feelings because to be honest i feel so happy when i'm with him, and when i'm not with him i want to be, and spend all my time thinking about him, and he makes me laugh so much even when no one else thinks its funny and i think this is more than a crush i think i love him. but i've been ignoring this because i dont want to ruin our friendship, but it seems latley all these feelings have burst out at once like i cant ignore them anymore, basically do i tell him? please help!
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male
reader, jimrich  +, writes (18 September 2010):
My current wife is and was my 'best friend'. My first wife was not a friend - best or otherwise!I cannot imagine marrying anyone OTHER THAN a best friend. But what is a 'best friend'? My definition: someone you can be totally 100% honest with and 100% your self with - no secrets, no hiding, no lies, no fear, no shame, no guilt, no problems. A best friend will accept everything there is about you with love and trust and will give you their most honest and loving response to ANYTHING you have to share with them. This is not about being a doormat or ignoramus. It's about being totally for and with you in every way possible ALL THE TIME not just when it's convenient.Tell him how you feel and what you want. If it 'ruins' your 'friendship' - he was not and is not your friend and you may as well find out now before you fall deeper for someone who's not worth it. Who knows....maybe he is just waiting for a chance to connect with you as a best friend and lover!Oh and once you connect, get some training in how to make a relationship work.
A
male
reader, Jmtmj  +, writes (4 September 2010):
 If you've already been rejected by him once then he's always going to know that there's a possibility that you still like him. If he liked you in that way then he'd probably have let you know by now.Tell him if you want, but there's a good chance you'll get the same response as before and he may start to distance himself from you.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (4 September 2010): Just try slowly inserting some flirt into your everyday interaction. Right now it's all friendly, so you're sticking yourself in the friend zone. He can only see you as a friend because he's never seen you as anything more. So try flirting a bit, doing sweet things for him. Don't push, but don't give in either.
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A
female
reader, shapoopsy +, writes (3 September 2010):
 It's hard, but is there any way you could wait? I just don't see this going well for you and don't want you to be crushed any more than necessary. He could be oblivious to your feelings or has sensed them, but most men will act if they want it bad enough. Give him some encouragement! If he wants you, it's what he's been waiting for. If his feelings are simply platonic, he will shy away. Please take care. ~Shapoopsy
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A
male
reader, TimmD +, writes (3 September 2010):
 If you do tell him how you feel, you have to be willing to take the chance on being turned down. He made his feelings clear from the start, it's been you who have been more or less hiding them just to get what you can get. I don't blame you for doing what you are doing, and I don't blame you for wanting to tell him how you feel.... but this is the problem about becoming friends when one person has feelings. You risk ruining your friendship when the other doesn't reciprocate.
At this point you are too far in and too far in love to keep your feelings to yourself so I say go for it. Just don't be surprised if he doesn't feel the same way.
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A
female
reader, petina1 +, writes (3 September 2010):
 Thats good that you are still good friends. While you are having a laugh why don't you drop a couple of hints like 'I still love you ya know',, etc. And see what he says. Friendships can turn to love all the time. You didnt scare him away after he'd rejected you as he still wanted to know y ou so thats a good sign as well that he really likes you as a person. If he doesnt want more then you will just have to value him as a friend. Hope this helps
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