A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:Hi I'm married been together for four years with a one year old daughter. I have a problem, I don't want to have sex with my hubby anymore, I don't like him touching me he has to initiate sex I'm really not in the mood so I can't enjoy it, i try to orgasm but he's rubbish he just pounds away for an hour makes me sore, when I ask him to finish quickly he get he expects blowjobs doesnt give anything in return, He expects me to cook and clean for him do everything for him and then he complains that I don't put enough effort into sex, I have to moan at him to help take care of our child, he's always moaning about money even though we have £40,000 in savings! I hate him most of the time and I dread spending time with him, I really want to be happy and save our marriage, I truly believe marriage is for life but it's making me sad that he acts like a child . We were very happy once but now i just feel angry most of the time. What do I do?
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female
reader, Caring Aunty A  +, writes (23 July 2014):
 You’re angry because you’re not getting what you want or expected from this marriage. Still he needs to know politely of course that sex with him is pathetic, he is selfish, lazy with help caring for your daughter and in every other aspect that is important to you… But be careful not to overload him or pound away at him with years of built up frustration. It’s one problem at a time for men.
If he has a shred of decency in him and an honest backbone, he will act and try to do better, the choice is his to make. Men can’t fix what they don’t know is broken, true!? If this does not take effect, then there’s Counselling only if he’s willing and hopefully intelligent enough to recognise the marriage is in despair; and if/when he does, don’t expect him to change overnight.
Since you believe marriage is for life then it simply cannot go on like this… you’ll have to get away from those four walls and his face that depress you or start by reorganising your household, tidy it up, make it a healthy environment. Take time to sort out your wants and desires and note how this situation got to where it is now. What changed between you both, other than having a baby? How was it you were happy once?
Sounds like you need a different focus and have some friends over or find part-time work to have some independence. If you rely on a husband for your only source of happiness, you will be disappointed. So it’s best to start changing yourself and the way you think.
If he doesn’t want to loose his family and half of that $40,000, it should encourage him to kick into good gear.
Take Care – CAA
A
female
reader, Honeypie  +, writes (20 July 2014):
 Have you gone to see your doctor? Could be some residual baby blues.
Could be you need to sit your husband down and talk. Make plans for some date-night, just the two of you.
1 hours of being "pounded" doesn't sound at ALL like something ANY WOMAN would like. You need to talk to him about it. You need to say I am NOT enjoying sex with you and the more you try and initiate the more you KILL my libido because I know I'm going to get bad sex from you. Which in turn means HE will get a lackluster response from you. I mean if all you have to look forward to is 1 hour of jackhammering and pleasing HIM I'd totally go cold on sex too.
Do you work? If not, I'd consider finding one. Even if it's only part time. Have at least 1 day a week to yourself (or at least some hours to yourself) can do wonders too.
But most of all you two need to start talking.
You can't expect him to change anything if he doesn't know it is "broken".
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