A
female
age
26-29,
anonymous
writes:When I was in 5th grade, I was bullied really hard by this girl. It seemed like everyone was mean to me because they were too scared to stand up to her. Anyway, there were a few kids she also bullied. I was desperate to make her like me, so I bullied them too. It went down a little bit after 5th grade but I still said mean things. It ended after 7th grade, when I switched schools. I'm an incoming sophmore now and I feel so guilty. I was a nice little girl until I turned into that monster. I feel terrible, it haunts me. I feel like I will never be famous or successful because I was so mean when I was younger. worst part is, I'm too much of a coward to go on facebook, hunt them down, and apologize. what do i do?
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male
reader, no nonsense Aidan  +, writes (22 July 2012):
Lots of people make mistakes. Lots of people do stupid things when they’re young to impress the wrong people. Why do you feel the need to apologise? If that’s what you need to do, you need to overcome your fear. You’re probably waiting for a right time, and one isn’t going to come, so get searching! But remember that the most important thing is to look forward, not back. You’ve been both the bully and the victim, so you have so much insight to offer in to this subject. Think about things you could do: is there a way that students can have their input in to your school’s bullying policy, or could you set up a student support group for people experiencing bullying? Consider how you can use your own experiences and mistakes and put them to good use. Why not speak to teachers about anti-bullying initiatives. In the UK, for example, we have an anti-bullying week every year and a lot of schools have assemblies and special events to highlight the issue of bullying and the effect it has on people’s lives. Don’t spend your life beating yourself up about the mistakes you’ve made. It’s a good thing to be decent enough to say sorry, but equally, mistakes in the past can lead to opportunities in the future.
I wish you all the very best.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (22 July 2012): If you want piece of mind badly enough, then search the people that you bullied and just explain to them honestly why you did it. They may not understand where you're coming from (since they weren't bullies) and they may not lend a sympathetic ear to your guilty efforts, but at least you can say you tried to apologies and make a mends.
I wonder if the original bully that was bullying you and them, has been big enough to apologies to anybody she's bullied... I bet not.
But you will have done the mature and decent thing and made the effort to apologies, and it should give you some piece of mind.
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A
female
reader, TasteofIndia +, writes (22 July 2012):
 What will bring you peace? What will make you feel closure? If it is apologizing, then that's what you need to do. But, if approaching them face-to-face, or at least, facebook-to-facebook isn't what you can do, write them letters. You don't need to send them, just get it out on paper - create a tangible thing by your own hand to relieve this guilt.
I'll say that I got a few apologies years - even decades after the fact, and though some incidents that others recalled, I didn't - it still meant so much to me that they felt strongly enough about their actions to take ownership of them and make amends.
As a bit of a wimp myself, I'll tell you that you'll never stop being a coward until you experience the satisfaction that comes with bravery. And imagine if that girl who bullied you long ago offered you an apology... clearly whatever she did stayed with you and hurt you permanently. Maybe an apology would really help.
I say, say "I'm sorry". Those words are always worth saying, if you feel that they are truly deserved. You do what you need to do to feel peace and make peace. Good luck, sweet!
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