A
male
age
30-35,
*rBrightside90
writes:Hey there,I got in somewhat of a shocking fight today with my girlfriend, let me explain.First of all she found out that Ive watched porn on her laptop in her house when she was in class. That day I woke up and she was already at class, I didnt even feel horny or whatever but just wanted some tension relief, had some meetings that day with class mates involving project work, etc. So I decided to watch some porn.However she found out today and is insanely mad stating that it is very disrespectful, and she knows that I do watch porn but on her laptop in her own house was the straw that broke the camels back. I really cant understand the fuss, we have lots of sex and I enjoy it, but sometimes I just want to wind down watch porn, nothing disrespectful to her or anything. So what are your thoughts, guys and especially girls ;)!
View related questions:
horny, porn Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (6 October 2011): Yes, I would be angry...oh wait, I already am at my own guy....I go to visit my Mom in the hospital last night, come home, shower ready for bed, he takes his now needed pill for ED, we are getting into some really, really hot sex, and he can't get off.....WHY? Cause he already did...ya, leave him alone for two hours, in MY home, on MY computer, where my daughter could have come home during that time, and he's watching porn and jerking off....makes a girl feel really, super special....NOT! Now mind you, we have sex every, single, day (except when I am on my period the first couple days)....there is no sex deprevation going on in this house, so why did he need to do that when he knew he was getting some in a few hours? When are you guys ever going to stop thinking with your penis's and grow up? WHY the hell would you rather be jerking off to a computer screen then be with your real live women??? I don't blame her for being pissed, I completely support her...you screwed up and you need to own it, make up for it and NEVER, EVER let it happen again, EVER! It's going to take some time for her to trust you again, remember that, and if you really want to be with this girl, you will do whatever it takes (not a week, a month...until...) to make her feel secure and to know that you will not disrespect her again like that.
A
female
reader, So_Very_Confused  +, writes (3 October 2011):
 Regardless of what YOU MEANT, she FEELS a totally different way and you have to respect her feelings.
Personally I'd not have a problem with it but then I'm not like most women... I have no problems with porn or masturbation...
the issue is that you had your laptop available and should NOT have used hers. I do not want porn on my computers because of the viruses they bring.... that's it from my Security Standpoint.
You needed to ASK first. "hon can I use your laptop?" "for what?" "I need to feel cool calm and collected and your not here so I want to watch some porn and rub one out...."
COMMUNICATION is the key.....
...............................
A
male
reader, idoneitagain  +, writes (30 September 2011):
It is clear that you didn't mean to disrespect her. It is also clear that she feels disrespected. I can tell that it is important to you for her to know that you didn't intend to disrespect her, and once she has calmed down I am sure she will be able to see that, but at the moment she isn't concerned about how you feel regarding this issue, she is still upset and focused on her feelings of being disrespected, and she needs for you to understand that she feels this way. Until you are able to let her know that you understand how she feels, she won't be able to hear your side of the story.
As for her ignoring you for a second day, is it necessary? Well, it sounds like it is necessary for her, she is obviously upset and feels like she needs to take some time to herself. She is probably also doing it to upset you, she feels upset by what you did so this is a way for her to make you pay. I can understand how people do this when they are hurt, but it doesn't make it ok. It is not healthy for a relationship to use her feelings of being upset as an excuse to hurt you intentionally. I would first deal with the original issue, and get her to reach a point where she isn't upset any more and you guys have resolved that issue, but at some point I would bring this up and explain that it isn't the best way to go about things for her to try and hurt you when she has been hurt. Have a conversation about it and see if you guys can find a better solution rather than her having to ignore you for a few days to deal with things when she is upset.
...............................
A
male
reader, MrBrightside90 +, writes (29 September 2011):
MrBrightside90 is verified as being by the original poster of the questionI just want to add that I did not mean to be disrespectful, I had my laptop with me too, hers was just turned on. I can see how it might be disrespectful but still I must say im a very sweet guy to my girlfriend and I would do alot for her, but she is ignoring me for the second day now, really necessary?
...............................
A
female
reader, bunnyblueeyes  +, writes (29 September 2011):
 I'm not entirely sure why she's upset? Porns porn wherever you watch it!
She knows you watch it, so its a bit strange to want to dictate where you watch it.
Saying that, if it upsets her that much apologize and don't do it again.
...............................
A
reader, anonymous, writes (29 September 2011): The big deal is that you didn't respect her enough to not use her laptop to access porn. If you want to look at porn on a laptop, get your own. I have a boyfriend who watches porn and I am fine with that, I have 2 rules don't watch it with me in the room and do not use my computer/laptop to access porn. Luckily he is very respectful in this because if he wasn't I would seriously dump him. The fact is it's her laptop and she feels that it was disrespectful to her that you did this, so therefore it is and you need to think about her feelings and stop thinking that she is over-reacting simply because you wanted to watch porn, and decided to use her laptop when you shouldn't have. I agree that what you did was disrespectful and blatantly rude.
...............................
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (29 September 2011): OMG, when will guys ever get it. Watching porn when you have a girlfriend is hugely disrespectful, whether it's on her computer or hers. I you have a néed get sexual relief from looking at other women naked, you have NO business being in a relationship with a woman who has an ounce of self respect. Simple!
...............................
A
female
reader, CindyCares  +, writes (29 September 2011):
 My thought is that if you want to wind down and watch porn- you need to do it with your own PC in your own apartment. It's your private thing, don't involve other people and their belongings ,it's incredibly rude.
...............................
A
male
reader, idoneitagain +, writes (29 September 2011):
This is not a question of right and wrong. It is simply a question of perspective. It is understandable that you did what you did and felt ok about it, because of how you view porn, sex, masturbation and relationships. It is also understandable that she was angry, upset, disappointed and felt disrespected because of her views on porn, masturbation, sex and relationships. That is the difference, her feelings about these things are different to yours, so what you thought was perfectly reasonable is something that she finds horrible.
You can't have known how she would react because you probably haven't ever discussed the topic, but it is happened now, and you have to deal with it. If she wants to end the relationship, or has changed how she feels about you, that might seem illogical or irrational, but that is irrellevant, she feels how she feels and you just have to deal with it.
If you can't understand the fuss, it is because you haven't asked her to take some time to explain her point of view, and given her a lot of time to listen to her and hear about what her objections are and how she feels about what she did. If you don't set aside specific time and go to that effort, you might not ever understand it.
...............................
A
male
reader, MrBrightside90 +, writes (29 September 2011):
MrBrightside90 is verified as being by the original poster of the questionWell Its not that I lack empathy, and ive sent her a nice card saying im sorry because she wont pick up the phone.
well thanks for the responses, appreciated.
...............................
A
female
reader, Tisha-1 +, writes (28 September 2011):
 She felt it was disrespectful because she's at class, working hard and you're using HER laptop to 'relieve stress'. You lack empathy, I see, if you cannot see this from her perspective.
Let's say you were at work, working hard with no break. She takes your laptop and begins browsing pictures of large penised men with perfect 6 pack abs. She browses and browses and leaves a trail of weird website names and possibly infects your laptop with a virus. She's fantasizing and none of the images have anything remotely whatsoever to do with you and in fact, you are the last thing on her mind as she browses and browses. All this while you are at work, and she is using your laptop to check these hot men out.
Getting a glimmer of why she's upset? If not, don't worry. Just apologize and never ever do it again. And apologize some more. Flowers might help. Jewelry probably would too.
...............................
A
female
reader, YouWish +, writes (28 September 2011):
 If you were in the presence of your girlfriend, would you visibly ogle another woman, slowly looking up and down her and lingering on her breasts and other parts?? Would you comment on their "fuckability" and given your crotch an appreciative "adjust"?
Nope, of course you wouldn't.
We women know that men can't help looking and admiring, but it's disrespectful for guys to blatantly ogle in front of their girlfriends, and what you did was the equivalent of the public ogle/adjust/comment.
If you don't live at her house, you watch porn at YOUR house on YOUR laptop. It *is* disrespectful to do what you did.
It's one thing for you to discreetly at your own house look at porn. Like the ogling, we women know that some guys use porn for relief. But it's another thing to go to her house, use her laptop (exposing it to porn spyware and pop-ups), and leave the history up on it. She knows that you jerked off and then put your hands all over her laptop.
That's rude that you did it in her house on her laptop, and it is very disrespectful. I would have thrown you out, same as I would have had you ogled another woman in my presence.
...............................
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (28 September 2011): I agree with her that this is a disrespectable manner . If this was me in her shoes I'd be furious ..... It's not an angry feeling more of a disappointed feeling. It kind of makes a girl feel like she is not good enough for you, as you said she knows you watch it but that is a private matter between you and only you. This will hurt her feelings a bit knowing that you watch it , though she marmot show these feelings as she may not want you to think that she is controlling you. hope this info was helpful for you though u know her better than me !!
...............................
|
