A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:I have been going through a lot of stuff with being unemployed and without a significant other in my life. Seems people in my life including family want me to talk only about happy things and I've felt kind of rejected for a serious amount of time. I've felt depressed too. I haven't had anybody to tell my things to. I recently met this female at church who's currently living with his boyfriend and they have two kids. She is starving for attention since the church sees her as a sinner for not being married to the guy and have rejected her socialy significantly. Before she started living with this guy from church she had a good social church life. She doesn't get that when you are trying to be a Christian you should show some signs that you are trying to be a better person than you were before you got to church. I've been good and optimistic and very friendly and open to people there but it has been impossible for me to make real friends andI've gotten frustrated about that and about all aspects of my life. I'm a little old to get into the youth group at church (even though there are older people than me there) and maybe that's why I feel so alone. Apparently you have to be a member so they can give you their friendship. Instead an old lady wanted me to join the group for the singles, widowed and divorced people. That group starts at 30 yrs. old but there are no thirtysomethings there, that group consists of people in their forties and/or fifites and they're all divorced. Also there are a lot of desperate old men looking for fresh meat. That group is depressing. I look youger than my age. I was offended when they kept inviting me. Anyway, we (female friend and me) found each other and we have been bad mouthing people who have rejected us and now I feel bad about it. Bad because I shouldn't be doing that as a Christian but I guess they shouldn't be rejecting me either because I don't conform to most of the church's members standards of personal success or because I'm not a member of any group. I mean if it's going bad for me the church people should be there to support me and at least say a word of compassion. I have not had that in a long time and I've been going to the place for 2.5 years. I won't change churches because the pastor there is great. There are a lot of older people who are loving towards me there but I need friends. People my age who know me by name and call me to go out. Back to the new friend, I kind of used her to vent my feelings towards the unfair rejection I've received from my family and church members during this difficult time of mine and now I don't even like her personality and want her out of my life. She is kind of inmature and when this ugly divorced old guy (who has the habit of staring to women through the church service) showed up to a recent church party she said his name and almost pointed to him at the same time while he was there looking around the place to start talking to someone. I wanted to die! This is a very seious matter to me. That man is sick and you cannot do or say anything to him because you'll have him staring at you through every church service for the rest of your life, and that's disgusting and disturbing. I have had problems with this man before and don't want to have anything to do with him. I told her to not do that and she took it as a joke and really thought he didn't notice it and I truly feel there's a small possibility he did. At the party I helped her future mother-in-law carry some things to her car and it seems my new friend didn't like it. It so happens they don't get along very well and maybe she pretends me to reject her future mother-in-law for the things she have told me about her which aren't that bad. I cannot think anything bad of her future mother-in-law because that woman was the first person I met when I got to that church and she was very loving to me. The girl said to me in a cynical voice: "Oh it seems she is your new friend because you carried her things and all" When I reacted she said it was a joke but obviously it wasn't. I'm very good at body language and I have college degrees in psychology so she cannot fool me. I know this sounds bad but I don't want my reputation in church to be damaged for being a close friend to this female so I want to break up the friendship that has started. She doesn't have a car and is not the greatest mother she has to wait for her boyfriend to get home from work so she could use the car. She is desperate to go out with me because she knows I'm alone too and have no one to hang out with. She has called me regularly to make plans and now I'm afraid she'll call back because I don't know how to reject her. Thanks to God we live 40 minutes apart and I'm studying at college and I have excuses. But soon the semester will be over and I won't have anythign to do and I don't want her bothering me. Also, I would like to restore my reputation with her because I don't want her to think I'm always full of venom. I'm going through a clinical depression, lots of debt, unemployment that has lasted for years, bad health, feeling and being alone, rejection, insults from my family... Wouldn't you be depressed too, or even suicidal?? I became friends with her without judging her lifestyle but now that I've known her a little better I'm not interested in her friendship. I have to see her regularly although her attendance to church is not very frequent. We have talked so much about others rejecting us that I don't know how to reject her. I don't feel good about myself when I'm around her. She seems to be very gossipy and I just wanted to take out my frustration by venting, that's all. I don't want gossip around me constantly. She is the least spiritual person I've met at that church. I guess that's why she listened to all of my crap. What should I do?
View related questions:
christian, debt, depressed, divorce Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, mamabettyjean +, writes (23 October 2010):
Hi. I have a similar situation with a mom from my child's school. Frankly, I was so lonely I decided to be friends with anyone who would have me. I wanted validation about those mean moms who were snubbing me. She gave it to me.
She is always willing to eat out or go someplace when others are always too busy for me.
I don't want her repeating what I said and I don't want to have another problem with another mom(which totally makes me look bad since I already stood up to the mother of a bully).
I am going to try to be busy, not answer the phone, and just wave and say hello. I have one more planned outing which I can not uninvite her to, then I am done. I asked on another site if I should be honest. Everyone said let her down gently and be polite.
A
female
reader, CindyCares  +, writes (6 April 2010):
 This is not a direct answe to your question. I am sure there will be other people giving you practical advice about how to disentangle yourself from an unwanted friendship. You say you are having loads of different problems which make you feel depressed,perhaps even suicidal. And you have nobody to confide in, that's why you had to vent your feelings with your ex- friend.I would like to suggest you to call Samaritans USA . 212/673-3000. regardless of the name it has no religious affiliation and it caters to people from any religion,race,nationality etc. It's a suicide prevention center - you don't need to be actually suicidal to call. It's for all the people who is depressed,lonely,in despair, and has nobody to talk to- just like you. It's totally anonymous , all you say is kept in strict confidentality and it won't ever go out of the center. the operators do not pass judgement and do not give advice- thay are just there to LISTEN to you and help you get out all those feelings you may be keeping bottled inside.It sounds they might be of some help to you. Let me know if it worked. Best of luck.
...............................
|
