A
male
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:Several years ago, I moved from a different city and state to be with my girlfriend, who I was dating long distance at the time. We met one weekend while I was visiting my hometown, and hit it off very well. After a year of long distance dating, I ended up moving back to my hometown after being gone for over a decade. I really didn’t want to move back, but I did for her, against my wishes. After about four years, and three of them being back in my hometown, we had a very bad breakup, and I was forced out of her apartment (the lease was technically in her name). I’m a professional services contractor and have limited work obligations right now. I’ve passed up many amazing opportunities over the last couple of years, and deeply regret it now. Due to my current financial situation, and not being sure what I’m going to do next, I’m temporarily living with family and friends. I’d like to leave the area again, but am not sure what I should do. Being in my mid 30’s; I feel very depressed about this situation, because I’m normally extremely socially active and independent. Should I feel down on myself as I attempt to get back on my feet, or not? When I moved years ago, I sold all of my furniture, etc. I have very little now and have lost thousands in court, while fighting my ex and the state, against unjustified and false allegations, which I have successfully beat, but at an immense financial cost. What should I do with my life? I’m stuck in this region for another month or two, because I have to take some classes, to avoid any kind of severe consequences.
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female
reader, k_c100  +, writes (23 August 2012):
 I know it could seem like you have given up everything for your ex, and it is a shame that it didnt work out - but at the time it was the right decision for you because you loved her and wanted the relationship to work.
Relationships are risky and you have to give it a try, if you constantly put yourself first and never compromised for a partner then you would never have long term relationships, so its no bad thing what you did. You simply believed in your relationship and wanted it to work, there is no shame in that.
So what do you do now? Look at this as a fresh start and an opportunity to do whatever you want. The world is your oyster now, you have an amazing chance to put yourself first without worrying about anyone else and do whatever you have always wanted to do. There is no reason to feel down, yes you have lost a lot but you now have the opportunity to gain massively - be positive and look to the future. Not many people get the chance while they are still young (you are not old in your mid-30's!) to make a big change in their lives without anything tying them down, you are in a very lucky position!
Most people have mortgages, marriages, children, family, relationships....etc tying them down, whereas you are free now of all responsibility and you can be entirely selfish in your decisions without feeling guilty about someone else. Grab this opportunity with both hands and do something you have always wanted to do!
I hope this helps and good luck!
A
female
reader, Starlights +, writes (23 August 2012):
 Dont feel bad at yourself because your having a rough time. ALOT OF successful people have a rough patch and get through it before they make their success again.
If they can do it, so can you.
Know that the situation wont last forever and its temporary. Your doing the best you can right now which is what matters. Eventually you'll be back on your feet , and mid 30's isnt too old to start over, your still young!!
My advice to you is things may seem bad, but make the choices which can help you overcome this situation.
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