A
female
age
26-29,
anonymous
writes:I trust my boyfriend but last time he went out with the boys he got drunk and slept another woman. Now he's out again and I'm afraid it will happen again. I want to trust that he will make the right choice this time. I just can't make myself stop worrying. Does anyone have any ideas on how I can trust him? I don't want to loose this relationship.
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female
reader, KC12 +, writes (10 November 2013):
 Once a cheater, always a cheater. You are right not to trust him. If he did it before, he'll do it again. You're young...and there are plenty of guys out there. Don't waste your time with someone untrustworthy.
A
female
reader, Aunty Babbit  +, writes (10 November 2013):
 You won't like my answer but I speak as I find!
You are very young (16 or 17 stated on your post)so how old is your boyfriend?
I ask this because if he's of a similar age it's quite concerning that someone so young can get that drunk with his mates that he sleeps with other girls!
Of course you don't trust him, why should you? He got drunk and slept with another girl!
Did he use a condom with this girl? I hope so because if not he's opening you all up to a world of STD's and unwanted pregnancies!
Why are you so scared to lose this guy? What would he do if you went out, got drunk and cheated on him? Would he hang around?
OK so you've decided to forgive him, for whatever reason, but you don't trust him and want to know how you can?
You can only trust him once HE has earned your trust again! He has to go out and NOT sleep around with other girls when he's drunk, then you will learn to trust him again.
Just some points to think on, how many chances are you going to give him? If he didn't use a condom how will you feel if you get an STD that prevents you from having kids in the future? How will you feel if this girl contacts him saying she's pregnant with his kid and is going to keep it? If he DID use a condom then clearly he wasn't so drunk that he couldn't make an educated choice, so why then did he not choose to be faithful to YOU?
Please be careful around this guy and really think about what you want and deserve. If he's cheated and got away with it, he's likely to chance it again, if you gave him a hard time over it but still forgave him, he's still likely to do it again but next time you WON'T find out!
I hope this helps AB x
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A
female
reader, Aunty BimBim  +, writes (10 November 2013):
 When I talk with older women, about how they found out their husbands, partners, long term boyfriends etc were cheating, all say it started with a gut feeling. Same with me, there were small signs, changes in behaviour, changes in routine, noticeable changes in his interaction with me and with his children ...... lots and lots of little things that all added up to one big whole.
If your boyfriend has cheated in the past, and nothing in his behaviour since then has shown that he has changed, then chances are he will. Depending on how he reacted to you finding out about his cheating last time will determine how to decide if he is going to cheat again. He might feel he got away with it once, (and he did) and so he will get away with it again.
If you really believe, or have proof, he cheated, you will need to decide if you want to tie yourself to a serial cheater for the rest of your life, or not.
When it comes down to tin tacs what you get and what you accept from a relationship is your choice.
I hope, for your peace of mind, you are able to determine your fear is based on his past behaviour and not on something he is currently doing.
good luck!
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