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I trust him but I don't trust his really attractive female friend

Tagged as: Dating, Friends, Teenage, Troubled relationships<< Previous question   Next question >>
Question - (29 December 2015) 6 Answers - (Newest, 1 January 2016)
A female United Kingdom age 26-29, *issy-97 writes:

Hi,

I'm in a relationship and although we've not been together for very long i love him,but i feel myself getting jealous of other girls already. It all started when he told me about his "good friend", that's like a sister to him. At the time i didn't think much of it but then a i actually saw a picture of her and shes VERY attractive. I trust him, but i don't really trust her. What should i do?!

help pls!

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A female reader, missy-97 United Kingdom +, writes (1 January 2016):

missy-97 is verified as being by the original poster of the question

thank you all so much for your responses, i've decided to try and meet her. Also I should have mentioned that my suspicions really increased about them when he started to constantly accuse me of talking and dancing with other guys when i go to party's.

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (31 December 2015):

If she is a good friend of his she will want to be a good friend of yours too and she will want to meet you. Your boyfriend will also want you to be friends with her. If there is nothing to hide this will be entirely natural for all parties. If however there is some hidden emotions that these two people hold for one another (more than friends) then they will ring fence themselves and keep you out of it - to protect 'what they have'. You are right to be cautious but not (yet) suspicious. Ask her to join you both for an event or meal out or something. You will be able to judge best then - body language, knowing looks, keeping you out of their little jokes. Be the mature one and allow them to show their truth.

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A female reader, Honeypie United States +, writes (29 December 2015):

Honeypie agony auntWhether you trust her (who by the by is a total stranger to you) or not is irrelevant.

She can't "make" him cheat. If you trust HIM, like you say you do then why fret? It takes two to tango.

If anything "untoward" happened between them it WOULD be because HE wanted it to happen. And if he is happy dating you, I would just see her as a new acquaintance for you, not as "competition".

As for her being pretty... Don't be petty. If all he wanted as a pretty GF, he COULD have been dating her. And if she was "less pretty" doesn't mean she was a better friend. You really can't discern her character going by a picture. Seriously, would you like people to judge YOU solely on your looks?

I say met her, she might be a decent person.

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A male reader, anonymous, writes (29 December 2015):

It's a little unfair to not trust this person based on your perception of her attractiveness. Especially if all you've seen is a picture of her! It's understandable to feel jealousy a little more during the early days of a relationship, especially if a real and deep emotional connection hasn't been cemented yet. I was the same - girlfriend had a good male friend and I was immediately annoyed! And now he's a good mate, someone important to our relationship. If your fella has such a good friendship with this girl it might be time to meet her. You never know, he might just have introduced a good friend for you too

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A female reader, ellsie96 United Kingdom +, writes (29 December 2015):

ellsie96 agony auntI would tell him about how you feel. He'll understand if you don't accuse him of anything but just say that it makes you uncomfortable with how friendly they are.

To be honest, I doubt that she is after your boyfriend or anything like that because you said that they're really good friends and she is like a sister to him - this suggests they must have been friends for a long time and if there was any sexual or romantic chemistry surely something more would have happened between them.

I wouldn't worry for now - only if he starts acting suspicious e.g. hiding messages on his phone from you, spending time away from you a lot to see said friend, or lying to you, then maybe you have more cause for concern.

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A female reader, Pureflame  +, writes (29 December 2015):

I think you should keep trusting him. If he was interested in her he would be with her, but he is with you. Find comfort in that thought and enjoy your relationship instead of being jealous. Jealousy might only result in unnecessary discomfort for you and your relationship.

If he had anything to hide or if there was anything he felt he needed to keep you away from, he would not have told you about her at all.. The fact that he is comfortable enough to tell you speaks a lot. Plus didn't he say she was like a sister to him??? So just relax and try n focus on your relationship :)

Good luck

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