A
female
age
26-29,
anonymous
writes:Hello,I really need your help. I’ll start by telling you the situation. You’re in for a long one so sit back. About a year and a half ago I met this guy; I’ll call him Josh, at my tennis club. I didn’t know him very well at all, but straight away I quite liked him. He however, was a lot older than me and wasn’t even aware I existed, so I brushed it off. Then, just before last Christmas, a new guy, I’ll call him Taylor, joined the club. We started dating very quickly, and very shortly after, T and J became friends. At this point I got to know J a lot better as the 3 of us would hang out a lot. We quickly became very good friends; to the point I would have said he was my best friend. Anyway, a few months later I ended things with T. Unfortunately it was quite a dragged out and somewhat messy break up. Shortly after, J says he like me and always has. At this point I was not in a good place with a load of stuff that was going on. I did not want to be in a relationship and above all I needed him as a friend. However, not wanting to lead him on in any way I just told him I wasn’t interested, naively thinking it would be fine. He then tells me he’s finding it too hard just being friends so doesn’t want me to contact him. A week or so later, I’m a mess. I miss him heaps, so I say alright, let’s give it a go. Within literally a matter of days realising it’s a mistake, as I can’t make myself want to be in this relationship. I tell him, and we argue about it, but eventually we go back to being friends, and things seem just how they used to be. However, a few months ago now, he says again, that he can’t deal with just friends, so I do what he asks and back off. From which point I hadn’t seen him. I heard from mutual friends he was having a rough time of it, but is doing okay now. He’s recently got to the point where he’s prepared to be in the same room as me again, so I’ve seen him a few times for group things recently. And here’s where shit really hits the fan, yep, you’ve guessed it. Obviously, I am now totally in love with him, and saying no to him is the biggest mistake of my life. I can’t help but feel that I should leave well alone, that’s definitely what’s best for him if he’s moving on…but what if he does still have feeling for me? And even if he did do you think he’d ever trust me enough to give me another chance?
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (31 December 2015): I don't know about you telling him,
But if T & J are still friends and in the same social circle,it definitely puts J in bad light because guys don't date their pal's ex.Bro code 101.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (29 December 2015): Arrange a social outing or a time you can speak to him alone.Then have an open honest conversation with him.If you're really sure this time (and only IF YOU ARE, WHICH IT SOUNDS LIKE YOU ARE) then share from the heart what you just told us.That you liked him originally, didn't think he was interested so put that behind you while you dated T. When you broke up, you were on the rebound, the time was not right, most importantly, you were not ready.Tell him how you feel now, knowing what he already told you previously, and say YOU are ready, you know he has been hurt, to give it some thought and to let you know if he is/could be interested again? Maybe he never stopped feeling for you and had to force the feelings away, but they won't be totally gone.Good luck to you both!
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A
female
reader, Songwr1ter +, writes (29 December 2015):
Talk to him, talk to him, talk to him.
You don't know for sure that he's moved on... You have to give things a try, to see if they work. So talk to him. Tell him all the things you've just written. He may still be in love with you, in which case he'll understan. But if he needs his own space, you'll need to accept that too...
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