A
female
age
36-40,
*ella23
writes:Hey guys,I've been with my husband for 5 years but only married for 5 months. We have a little boy together which I love more then life itself. Since we've been married I've been extremly unhappy. He smokes marijana everyday, sometime more then once a day which makes it hard to communicate with him. I feel frustrated and annoyed all the time. When I talk to him its like speaking to a wall I get very little in return in regards to communication. I have been accused of cheating by him (dont know if this is a paranoid thing or what)which I can handle coz I am not cheating. I've also been accused of getting married to him for money, which I didnt. He's pushing me away from him and doesnt realise it. He's always out with his mates. Every Friday night I am left home alone with our son as he goes out and has fun and doesnt return till the early hours of the morning.What should I do. I've tried speaking to him but am getting no where.
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female
reader, sugar_sugar  +, writes (12 February 2008):
 If he won't respond to you verbally maybe leave him a note expressing how you feel?
What a frustrating situation. For him to be behaving this way/punishing you because you had his son.. he doesn't sound like a very nice or mature person.
You say you've been unhappy for the 5 months since marriage, if during this time you have been trying to fix the situation and getting nothing from him.. well is the relationship worth it?
If you have been reaching out to him and he is not being responsive, maybe you need to start backing away.
A
female
reader, bella23 +, writes (11 February 2008):
bella23 is verified as being by the original poster of the questionI try to approch him calmly but its like talking to a brick wall which in turn makes me frustrated and annoyed and I get angry.
I honestly dont mind him going out its more the issue that when I turn around and tell him I'm going for coffee with the girls and I'm taking our son he gets really angry and starts acusing me of cheating on him with god knows who as I have very little communication with males that are not his mates.
It's also an issue when I ask him to look after our son when I have a shower or put the washing out its a big thing.
When I got pregnant he didnt want me to keep the baby but I did anyway so now it feels as if I am getting punished for making the choice I made.
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A
female
reader, Laura1318  +, writes (11 February 2008):
 If you have spoken to him and getting no where ,it means that your way of communicating to him is ineffective. You need to try to use another way to communicate to him.
You can rant all you want , and he will never really listen except to think you are nagging.
There are two options for you to choose.
1) Try all your best to tell him your feelings and your needs.Give him more time or have more patience.
Take whatever comes and stay put until you cannot take it anymore and you will have to choose the other option.
2)Up your stakes. Either have it your own way or nothing.This is more drastic for you may even lose everything.He may divorce you or you could get what you want from him.
You need to leave him for him to re evaluate your relationship.He need to be jolted to realized the depth of your unhappiness.
You are not speaking from a position of strength and this is the only final weapon you can use to save your marriage .
You will have to take the risk if you want to have a better life. Think deeply and meditate on it.
Good Luck!
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A
male
reader, Jugurtha +, writes (11 February 2008):
A lot of Aunts here are probably going to say 'drop him, he's a loser, you can do better' - which I'm sure you can. However, it sounds to me that the main problem is his consumption of marijuana, and his usage of it as a tool of avoidance. Is there a vicious cycle going on? You get unhappy with him because he's not helping out enough because he's stoned, then he dives into the pot seeking solace from feeling put upon and misunderstood. . .You need to catch him when he's not stoned to try to have a good talk- perhaps on a Sunday morning, before he's got the bong/papers out. Make him a nice breakfast (always have heavy conversations on a full stomach) and get him to go for a walk with you. Being out of the house in public should serve to help both of you from losing your tempers. Without allowing your (rightful) anger to take control, tell him what you've detailed here to us; you've been very unhappy since you got married, talking to him is very difficult because he's stoned all the time, you feel frustrated and annoyed all the time, and hate feeling like that. You also need more support than you've been getting from him. What is he trying to avoid by being stoned all the time? And what sort of model does he want to be for your son? Does he really need to go out every Friday with his mates - how about every fortnight instead? Remember to remind him that you love him but that you are struggling and need his help.If you can get him to stop smoking dope, watch out! He'll have an extremely short fuse for a few weeks.Hope this helps and good luck.
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A
female
reader, sugar_sugar +, writes (11 February 2008):
Did he smoke marijuana daily before you were married?Are these things that have only been happening since you were married? When you try to talk to him - are you approaching him angrily or calmly? As much as he may be angering you if you approach the situation from that angle it's unlikely he will open up.If you are unhappy with him leaving you alone with your son every friday night - speak to him about it. Everyone needs to unwind sure, but he has responsibilities now and I'm sure it would be nice if the two of you could unwind together over dinner on a friday night instead of him partying like some young thing!I think the main problem is the communication, and all I can suggest is approaching him calmly, earnestly and trying to talk to him.
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