A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:My bf and I moved in together about 2 months now. My bf works full time but he has been trying to start a company with his brothers, and he works on this in all of his spare time. Which means, there is very little time for me - I can't recall the last time we had a date or went to the cinema or for dinner together. Which I understand, it is about sacrificing now for the future.His brothers are over at our place a lot. Partly it is due to work (as my bf can mainly see them after his full time job to make plans, discuss stuff etc) and partly it is down to his brother being quite unreliable. When they work well, they are amazing at their jobs, but sometimes they do jobs and things go wrong - either because they oversleep, are high, and sloppy or whatever. So, often, things may not be right and my bf is left to pick up the pieces. But they are his brothers and best friends, and he is determined to have this family company and wants no one else but them. I cant obviously make him choose etc.Anyway the problem is, because of this, his brothers often end up staying at our place a lot. One of them had to stay with us for nearly 3 weeks. And they are staying over a couple times a week sometimes. I find it to be really stressful (we just have a small one bed room apartment) not to mention that is costs a lot more. I do not earn a lot of money, nor that my bf. And having to pay for feeding extra mouths so often and bills etc from all the extra washing, showers, etc. I mean, I just cant afford it. We have only been here less than 2 months and it feels we do not have much privacy. Not just the costs, but because of their sometimes unreliableness, it affects me in a lot of ways. I often have to help out, for instance, my bf may ask me to go drive things over to them that they forgot for a job. Or it could be any kind of favour - which is often.I have spoken to my bf a lot about this. And that it is unfair and that we cant afford to have them with us as much. He agrees but he always just says that he is just trying to start a company and he doesn't really have other options. Ie he works full time so cant do it all himself, and cant afford to quit his job. And it is not like they have an office to work from so can only work in the evenings etc, and they need to see each other often. He cant go their places either as they live far - hence another reason to stay over. ANd in terms of me helping - well the company is in my bf name so when they mess up, he starts panicking and it reflects badly on him, so of course I feel inclined to want to help him.I just don't know what to do. We have talked about it so much and he does become touchy because they are his brothers. ANd at the same time, he sees no other way. I feel I can not take it much more. Nor can I afford it.
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female
reader, Aunty BimBim  +, writes (26 September 2015):
 Move back out, he is obviously not ready for a live in relationship where each others concerns and respected.
It also appears he needs some time to concentrate on setting up his business, or until he recognises that a business that needs to redo jobs due to sloppiness or constantly cover for staff who are unreliable (even if they are family) will never be a success.
At this stage he is pouring all his energy into a business that he hopes will support his "unreliable" brothers rather than his partner.
Move out until you become his priority, and then lay down some ground rules before you move back in, I'd give it at least 6 months, that business is not going anywhere while he is letting his brothers mess it up.
Good luck
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