A
male
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:hey guys I know your first instincts are going to be to go against me so I'm asking that you think about the logic of what I'm about to say before you respond. Ok I was casually dating a woman for a little over a year and I'm not proud about it but I shit all over her and she hung in there with me no matter how rotten I treated her. I was also sleeping with another woman while I was trying to reel her in for keeps and she didn't find out until the night she broke up with me after finding the other woman in a hotel room with me. Ok so fast forward. Me and the other woman broke off 6 months back and I haven't had even the slightest desire to get back with her but I'm still all wrapped up into the woman that I treated like shit and haven't been able to kick her. I became obssessed with trying to win her back ever since the night she broke up with me but I've had no success at all. She did a complete u-turn and is a hardcore bitch toward me. I'm mortified because she was always so sweet and treated me like I was god's gift to life. I've realized that I'm head over heals in love with her and even if it takes until the day I die I'm gonna keep after her until I prove to her that I'm remorseful for mistreating her and just keep showing her by my actions always how special she is to me and how I'll only treating her like she's god's gift to life. It's the other way around now which is cool because i'm addicted to the good feeling that I get from going to every possible end to treat her like the queen she is. Here's the thing that I can't seem to push out because it seems logical--underneath I kind of resent her and fault her for enabling me to mistreat her because she stuck around no matter how shitty I treated her and a lot of times she would apologize fore me treating shitty. Is my logic correct and even if it is how do I go about getting it out my head? I think it might come to haunt me and her if she comes around. I want to be the best I can be for her. She's a keeper that's why I can't pull away freom her. Please help me here. Tnx
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female
reader, girlwhoneedshelp  +, writes (13 March 2011):
 This girl is the classic "one who got away". You only get so many chances with people and if you pissed all over yours then I'm sorry but it's your heartache to bear. She is nasty to you now because you've totally flipped her personality. You've treated a lovely and kind person like crap for far too long so why should she take you back or give you another chance? She deserves someone who is going to take care of her and whom she doesn't have heart-wrenching memories of e.g.you with the other woman in the hotel room.
I'm sorry if this is harsh but I really do think you don't deserve her and you should leave her alone. She would be a fool to take you back. I do believe that all people do need a second chance when they make mistakes but you didn't just sleep with this girl once and you didn't talk to her like crap just once either. You were well aware of what you were doing and she stood by your side the whole time.
Leave her to get on with her own life and maybe you'll think before you act and speak next time you meet somebody special.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (13 March 2011): Well, I read your question twice, because I wanted to be able to really understand your logic and, yes, I think I got there.
You have just OUTED YOURSELF as an abuser.
IN YOUR VERY OWN WORDS ... "underneath I kind of resent her and fault her for enabling me to mistreat her because she stuck around no matter how shitty I treated her ..."
So, really it's all her fault? No, it is ALL your fault.
So she's being a "hardcore bitch" to you now, is she? Well that means (thank God!) that this woman has wised up and sees you for what you are. I wish I could contact her to tell her to never let you back into her life.
How dare you even think about re-entering this woman's life?! Get yourself some help and grow up.
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