A
male
age
36-40,
*uu
writes:my problem is as follows, me and my gf have been dating for almost 10 months, she just turned 20 and im 22, i was a jerk in our relationship, did some terrible things which iam truly sorry for. Her family was concerned about her and just over a month ago took her from me. I waited a month before showing up and apologizing to her telling her ive changed( which i have) she came back with me for one night but i had to bring her back cuz her mom is ill and she has a new puppy to take care of. She says shes still kinda scared and will only come back if i have a chat with her mom and grandma and she will only come back with me if i have changed.The only thing is she is 2hrs drive away and her family does not like me at all( She also says shes pregnant but nobody in her family knows she says). She seems distant and not like the girl i know she is( which is normal i guess cuz i have hurt her so much).She told me that shed only come back if i sat down and had a talk with her mom or grandma or both.i havent been able to get ahold of her for the past few daysand Im thinking of just driving down there very soon and confronting her family to sit down and sort out the issues and if i have to tell them shes pregnant i will cuz its killing me( she is almost 3 months i think) to not be around her while she has our baby. Im nervous about just showing up but i feel like i haven no choice. I have truly changed and she says its still hard for her, i just want to know what to do to get the love of my life back. We are both our ''firsts'' and i do not want to lose what we have. I tried txting but recently she hasnt replied( i know this could be for many different reasons), it just worries me so much thinking she has our baby and we cant see each other or talk sometimes. Any help is appreciated Reply to this Question
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female
reader, marymomnwife  +, writes (27 October 2010):
now the last thing u want 2 do is come off as the crazy stalker ex so drivin a couple hrs to confront her isnt the best way 2 go. you are going to b a dad and thats ur #1 priority so work overtime and a half and save as much money as u can. you need to show her that u r preparing for this and that is a way to START. if u r completely serious bout getting her back u will have 2 do something major. however long it takes 4 her 2 c that uv changed u need 2 live the life of a married man and daddy even tho u r not together. no flirting with any other females no clubbing no spending sprees on tools automotive etc. no late nights at bars keep ur house xtra clean for future baby. u also need a room for baby. show her that u r excited to b a dad and get the babys room filled with everything baby will need crib clothes bottles diapers burp rags blankets i could keep goin but u get the idea. teller via phone ur still very much n luv w\er and u will w8 long as it takes2 rebuild trust.also read what2 expect when urexpec
A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (27 October 2010): So you've been a complete jerk. And to prove that you are no longer a jerk you are going to drive to her parents' place unannounced, have a massive confrontation, and reveal things your girlfriend told you in confidence.
You say you've changed. Your planned behaviour says you haven't.
In six months she is going to have a child. You are no longer her top priority. What she now wants in a man is all the old fashioned family-building stuff: reliable, dependable, nice, easy-to-get-on-with, no-drama, spirit-raising. If you can't become that in short order then you are history to her.
In short, from her point of view, life's no longer about her and you -- it's about her and her baby. That could be her, her baby, and you. But only if you make it easy for her. And from your posting that's the last thing you've been so far, and the last thing you were intending to be in going and confronting her at her parents.
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A
female
reader, tennisstar88 +, writes (27 October 2010):
 How badly did you treat her? As in abuse? Generally it takes a lot longer than a month to truly change your ways.
Her parents are also going to take note of this..I will say in her defense she is an adult and she can make her own decisions. But then again, if you were treating her that badly of where she couldn't get out of this relationship, that her parents had to physically get her out..then I wouldn't exactly be wanting you to show up at my house. Don't show up at her house, I doubt they let you in. All you can do is urge your girlfriend to tell her parents she's 3 months pregnant. They will definitely know when she starts to show..Then they can help her decide what to do. The only thing you can do is to call her parents and let them know you have changed and wold like to come back in their daughter's life since this is your child. However, that's going to take some time. You do have every right to be a part of the child's life, but you may have to accept supervised visitations. So what you can do for the next 9 months is start saving $ for this baby..show some responsibility and stability..and just maybe her parents may reconsider.
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A
female
reader, Tisha-1 +, writes (27 October 2010):
 How did you go about changing? What did you do to get help in changing?
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (27 October 2010): I know this may be hard to take, but I think it's time for you to let her go. She is clearly hurt and doing her best to protect not only herself but an unborn child. If you are the father, then you have a long road ahead of you Sir. You need to respect her space and offer to help only as a potential future father. She's going to have prenatal care bills and doctor's visits ahead of her. Be supportive by letting her know you can help her financially and back off when she needs her space. Time is the key, most behavioral research suggests that a true behavior change takes on average 3 years. So my friend one have only one month down and 35 more to go. If she's worth it and you truly love her, then you'll support her in the ways she needs it and give her space when she needs it. Over time, she may see a changed man.
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