A
female
age
51-59,
anonymous
writes:I have an old love (over 20 years) that I reacquainted with this summer after finally ending a messy divorce last year. My old boyfriend lives far far away and works in remote jobsites so he is rarely available. In the months since I last seen him, I started dating a local man who I have really connected with and we mutually think there may be a future. Now my old friend called this morning and wants to come visit for two weekends in between jobs, but new boyfriend wants to throw a party this weekend to introduce me to his peers. Yikes, I'm too old for this! Old love vs. new possibilities... Any advice?
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (27 October 2010): I guess it ultimately boils down to the amount of chemistry you have with your new boyfriend vs. the old one. Rekindling things with an ex is a very vitreous situation. People change and that spark doesn't always last, especially over such a long period of time and after you have been through a traumatic relationship. I can understand wanting to go back to something that was comfortable, but you might always have the expectation that things will be like they were, and they ultimately will not, which may cause problems in your relationship down the line.
Sure, you can invite him to come into town, but maybe just as an old friend. You might even introduce him to your boyfriend (he must know that there have been other men in your life, right?). Maybe if you have both men side by side it will be easier to decide which one you want to be with.
Hope that helps, at least a little.
A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (27 October 2010): Relationships require time together.
Who do you want to be with.
What will you do to be with that one.
Perhaps you shouldn't be with either one, and should say "no" to both.
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A
female
reader, Tisha-1 +, writes (27 October 2010):
 I guess I'd go for the one that has some potential for a longterm relationship. The new one sounds promising. The old love sounds a bit too distant and difficult to really carry on an everyday, "who left the toilet seat up and who's job is it to empty the trash" kind of domestic set up.
The old one is showing up for 2 weekends and then will vanish? The new one wants to throw a party and introduce you to his friends? No contest. The new one.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (27 October 2010): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionGeeze, someone should have something to say? I'm excited to meet someone new with potential, but my old friend calls out of the blue and says he wants to come down on Thursday, I'm just about ready to go and hide somewhere for the weekend. I've been married and not sure how to deal with this. Do not really have a stable and monogamous relationship with either of them, and I can tell the new guy that I have an old friend visiting from my home state, but then he'll come by and see that it is a man, and I can see that just blowing up. If I'm honest with him, it will just push the new guy away, and then my old friend will be gone for who knows how many months before I talk to him. I genuinely would like to see the old friend, but this is just crazy...
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