A
male
age
30-35,
*arryStiles
writes:Firstly, thanks for the advice. I am not sure what to think so i guess it's always good to get an outside opinion.I have been on a few dates with a girl whom i met at a party a few weeks ago. I am 24 and she is 20. I have a good job and have had quite a privileged upbringing and at first the girl ( i shall call her Paris) was surprised i was interested in her, she said she was lower class and i could get any girl.I told her to stop being silly as i liked her, she made me laugh and was beautiful. The truth is, she came up to me at the party, i never would have approached her as she's so pretty.We have been on a few dates and she said she is not the type of girl to sleep around, she wanted to meet a good guy. I do things like open doors for girls, i am a gentleman.We went out to dinner and i got her some pink flowers ( her favorite colour) and she had never been on a date or gotten flowers before.We had another couple of dates and i met her parents last week. When i was getting a drink from her kitchen i over heard her mother telling her not to mess it up with me or push me away. I never said that i heard this.I also went to pick Paris up at 3am as her car died and i didn't want her walking home. We had some food and sat out until the sun came up at 6am. It was nice and she said that she has never met a guy who treated her like a princess and with such respect before. She said she had never had the small things also like a phone call goodnight and good morning text, like i do. It is her birthday soon and she always wanted to visit the theatre so i said i would take her.All good so far right?Well this was up until yesterday.We went out for the day to an animal park as she always wanted to go. The whole day she was distant and quiet and i asked her what was wrong. She said she was fine, but you know, i knew something was up. She showed me a text message her mother sent her saying " Harry is lovely, i don't see what you are worried about". I asked her what it meant, what was she worried about? She didn't want to tell me. We had a nice date and i dropped her home.Last night she went to the movies with her sister and i went to a party. When i got back to my car, i realized she had left her coat in my car so i drove over to her place ( about 40 minutes) and got her a little card saying thank you for the fun day and i left it on her doorstep. She called me at 2am saying thank you, and did i come all that way just to drop it off for her? I said yes, there was no reason i just wanted to. She said it was sweet and thank you and she would call me in the morning.So today rolls around and i do my usual good morning text. Nothing back.I left it and Paris called me at 1pm and she sounded down. I asked her if she was okay and she said she was fine. I told her that i care about her and want to get to know her and i appreciate she won't put her walls down for me right away but she needs to a little bit so i can help. I told her whatever was going on, whatever was on her mind, there was nothing she could say or i could find out about her that would make me think different of her.She got angry and said that she will never ever open up to anyone except her sister and that was it. She said " if you want me to say i'm afraid you'll hurt me, or you won't like what you see when you get to know me, then i won't."I asked her if that was it, she said no. She said i was pushing her away and that's why she has been distant with me. She then hung up on me.I then got a message telling me to go away. Followed by another message saying that was from her sister and she could see how much of a bad mood she was in.I just said okay with a kiss and that was it, a few hours ago.I just don't know what to do. I think i'm going to leave her alone but have i messed up? I just don't know or can't guess what's going on with her.:(
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male
reader, HarryStiles +, writes (22 July 2013):
HarryStiles is verified as being by the original poster of the questionHey guys, thanks for the advice. Just to keep you updated, she called last night with her friends on loudspeaker being silly on the phone then she sent me a massive text saying how much she likes me ( didn't sound like her, think it was a friend messing around).
No word from her today, i sent a good morning message saying have a nice day but she read it and never replied.
Not going to do anymore.
The funny thing is, i just saw a picture on her twitter about how she wants the perfect man. Quite bizarre as shes not not wanting to know. oh well
A
female
reader, llifton  +, writes (22 July 2013):
 do yourself a favor and run far, far away. this girl has serious problems and it's revealing itself from the start. you've done nothing, and i mean NOTHING wrong. you've been a perfect gentleman. everything a normal, decent girl would dream of. she clearly has a lot of emotional problems. and i only see your life becoming pure misory from here if you keep trying to figure out what the problem is.
she's young and immature and unstable. you'll find some other lovely girl who's not so dramatic and crazy. good luck.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (21 July 2013): I think you really like her.
But she seem like have Some ME issues.
I understand her, the girl might have a bad relationship in the past.
Men are so good in the beginning, and she might have thinking that all men are the same. Just good in the beginning.
Girls like that will have a hard time to let someone in their life, again.
But its curable.
Nothing can make a woman melt when a man wears his heart on his sleeve. If you really really like her, The only way to capture her is being consistent.
Don't give up, No Guts No Glory.
Otherwise you will end up with easy to get women, whom you don't even like that much.
Its a torture.
Continue giving her flowers, don't be a stalker.
Text her, 2 times a day, if she reply that's nice, if she don't. Don't give up.
If you want to be the girl u really like, you need to invest time and effort. But if you don't then just give up and then settle for less.
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A
female
reader, elizabeth1986 +, writes (21 July 2013):
if you look through the questions posted tonight, there are quite a few like this. the question I posted myself earlier was pretty similar! I think it's the full moon driving every one crazy!! :)But seriously, I'm in a similar situation. I feel like the guy I'm dating right now is too good for me. he has done very similar things to you, and I'm absolutely petrified he is going to disappear because he is so wonderful and it's making me feel very insecure... so maybe you could chill out a bit? Stop being so romantic for a little while, maybe tone it down a little? Everything you did was lovely but so many men treat women nicely and then disappear after they've got sex, it makes us ladies very suspicious of the nice guys, expecting them to do the same. Dont send your usual morning text, as she'll notice you havent text her. Once she texts you, ignore it for a little while. It'll drive her crazy and realise what she's missing. Then text a few hours later and start afresh. Reassure her, compliment her, but tone it down a little. If her behaviour continues then find someone who appreciates you. The sister seems to be mentioned a lot here... she's not causing problems out of jealousy is she?? If she has a lot of skeletons in her closet to deal with, you might have to be prepared to be supportive and patient with this girl I reckon. Hope it works out for you :)
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A
male
reader, CaringGuy +, writes (21 July 2013):
You haven't messed it up at all. If anything, I wonder if you've walked into this a little to blindly. I find the line that her mother said "don't mess it up or push him away" a bit of a give-away into this Paris' character. If someone has to be told not to mess it up, it usually means that they have messed up severely before, several times, and haven't learned from it.
In other words, she has some problems of her own, and until she deals with them, she won't really be much good as a girlfriend.
I think, after just a few dates and a reaction like this, if you'd be best to just move on.
Also, in future, be a nice guy, but not too nice too soon. Nice guys who lay it on the line too quickly are targets for people who will use them. Get to know someone in more depth before you put it all on the line.
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A
male
reader, kenny +, writes (21 July 2013):
 It sounds to me as if she has got some indepth issues going on that she obviously dosen't want to talk about. There is no way that you have messed up, to be honest you could not have treated her any nicer than you did. You treated her like a princess buying her flowers, even driving 40 minutes to drop her coat off with a nice message with it, and all you have seemed to have got back in return is not an awful lot. She has either got some serious issues or she's playing stupid games with you. My advice would be to not contact her anymore, delete her from you contacts and find someone who respects your nice gestures.
Good lick
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