A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:There's this guy I've been getting to know since over a month now(we're not dating, just hanging out for coffee and small talk after school). I'm pretty sure that he likes me (really wants to get to know me, compliments me, say I look good/sexy, replies right away to my messages...)however he hasn't asked me out yet...I know that I could make the first move if he's too shy however what's stopping me is that he has brought up his ex on 3 different occasions.Example, we're talking about sports related hobbies and he casually mentioned that his ex liked biking and they would go biking every weekend. On the other occasion,we were talking about how we like a certain type of music and he briefly mentioned that his ex didn't like this type of music.We haven't talked about our current and past love lives and I haven't asked him about it because I feel we don't know each other well enough yet to talk about more personal stuff.What stops me from asking him out and investing is this potential relationship is that I'm wondering if:a) He is still hung upon his ex gf (I have no clue how long they were together and when they broke up): I have no intentions of being the rebound girl.b) Or he is fishing for info and waiting for me to pipe in something about my ex ("my ex didn't likethismusic either!") to confirm that I'm single and then ask meout (up to now I haven't mentioned anything about an ex - but I am single)What do you think about guys casually bringing up their ex gf in conversations with girls they are interested in?
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female
reader, Honeypie  +, writes (23 July 2013):
 I vote a)
He is not over her. If he was wanting to ask you out, he would ASK you out. He certainly would blab about the ex in a way to find out of you have an ex/current bf...
You could have an ex and STILL not be single, right?
A
reader, anonymous, writes (22 July 2013): When a guy brings up his ex more than once, he is not yet over her.
She is on his mind even while he's with you. You can still date, just don't invest your feelings until you know where he's coming from. You need more details about when he broke up.
Some people don't get over a breakup for a year or longer.
You shouldn't rush to attach feelings too quickly when you first start dating anyway. That's desperation.
You have to know who you're attaching your feelings to, and if the feeling is mutual.
You also need time to find out what their quirks and less desirable habits are. If he's an ex-convict, who just got out of prison; or if he is still in touch with her. Those are important things to know.
From what you say, he brought her up too much. He still has a thing for her, and he is looking for her replacement.
You're being compared to her, and he's trying to match those qualities he misses about her. That's not healthy.
He has to appreciate you for who you are. Not for how much you remind him of his ex. Use your own judgement. If you feel uncomfortable about how frequently she comes up in a conversation; then you know.
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