A
male
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes: I told my girl cousin that i am in love with her...and now i regret it. Let me tell a few things about myself: I am an 18 year old boy and i am love with my 19 year old cousin. This might be a long and confusing story, so i will appreciate if anyone will read it.My cousin lives in another city and we just rarely meet.I could say that in 18 years i saw her about 4-5 times maybe, and even when we did see each-other, we were just kids. So basically we grew up without seeing each other. But this summer, she called me and said that she is in college, but in my city. So she had to move to my city in order to continue her studies.It was around the end of July when she came to my place to sign up for college and other things she had to do...but let me tell you something:i DID NOT expect this surprise:my cousin wasn't who i remembered.I mean i knew that she was a great personality,but when we have spent a few days together,i realised that she is MUCH more that i remembered.We had such a great time,we did so much,but than,about after a week,she had to leave.We were bolth very sad,but after about a month i couldn't resist and had to invite her to my place,before she would completely move to my city.She accepted.She came and actually made me a surprise,because she told me when she was coming,but actually came one day earlier.It was great,i was really surprised.Again,she stayed for about a week...and what a week...it was the best in my life.All those things we've done,all those places we've been to,we bolth had such a great time,we enjoyed being together,we loved to spend the time together.But she had to go home after a week.Of course,now we were even more sad,because we really got close to each-other.After the day she left,I think i've sent her about 20 SMS messages,daily,she did the same.We have spoken a lot on messenger.I think we actually realised what a great time we had together,when she was not here...that's right!The more i didn't see har,the more i missed her.So the days passed,and the "big day" finally came!She moved to my city,in the room she has rented,because i REALLY wanted her to come live at my place,but still,she insisted on rentig o room elsewhere.OK,that was her decision,and i understand her,if she has a room of her own,she does what she wants,not depending on anyone... So everything was OK.we have met a lot,we have written lots of SMS,and so on...but something kept bothering me.I had this feeling inside me,which i have never felt before,it was so , ummmm, strange, unusual, and i did not know what it is at first,but after some time, i realised that it was LOVE. That's right. I fell in love with her.I will be honest: i was NEVER in love before, i am an 18 year-old boy, but still, i was NEVER in love.But she...she is just so different,so unique,so great,so kind,so beautiful. I was really confused and i did not know what to do... i tried to hide it, but still, it felt wrong to hide what i feel. But one day,she wrote me an SMS, "Is there something wrong? I don't know why, but i just feel that something is not okay" Well that SMS was the most interesting i have ever received, how did she know that not everything is okay? Actually the problem was that i loved her and did not know how to tell her...and i replied her: "You are right,there is something wrong,but it is better if don't tell you..." and than she wrote meback: "But but but,please tell mewhat's wrong...if not,i will cry..." It still felt strange that she spoke like that, it's like she knew...and i still considered not to tell her,but i still don't know how,i got the courage and wrote her back:" I AM IN LOVE WITH YOU!!!" And that was probably the biggest mistake i have ever made in my life.She than wrote back: "Okay,we will meet in the afternoon and we will talk about it..." and that was the last SMS i recieved from her...so we met in the afternoon and she told me that because i have never been in love before,it might not be love and that i am just confused or something...she also said it is okay. She also said that she hopes that our cousin-relationship will not change... why she said that i don't know...because since than,she didn't write, she didn't call...of course i called her and asked her why she ignores me. Does it really hurt her so much that i told her what i feel? She kept saying that everything is ok and so on...since i told her, we only met once.And let me tell you something..IT IS SOOOO obvious that she doesn't like me anyomore,in any way. Before telling her, when ever we hugged, it was a great hug, i really felt that she loves me. (as a cousin) But now, when i hugged her, it was such a "forced" and "cold" hug. I clearly felt that she did not accept me anymore, she just didn't like me no more. She told me that the only reason why she can't meet me more often is because she is very occupied and has no free time. Whatever the cause, telling her what i feel is the stupidest thing i could ever do... and i sooo regret it...:(( Thank you for reading my article! ps.: If there is anyone out there who can help, especially girls ,because they might tell me what would they want to hear from a boy, in order to forgive me, PLEASE answer me! PLEASE!!! I feel so depressed right now,because i have ruined such a wonderful relationship,that i am capable of doing anything so that she will accept...but i'm afraid it's too late. :( I wish the best of luck to whoever is in the same situation!!!
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cousin, depressed, fell in love Reply to this Question
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, tweetie pie  +, writes (15 April 2009):
A first love is aways the hardest. Its even harder when your related. But like you mentioned, you were never in love before, so you probably missunderstood your feelings. Your problem is like the way a mother loves her firstborn. She feeds the baby, cares for the baby, and does everything she can in order to protect the baby. But then the mother has another child. Yet still, although she loves them both as much as eachother, the firstborn's memories will always remain strongest.
If your cousin moved on, then so should you. Im not saying you should change your entire life routine, just meet new people. And i know you said you cant, but just think of it as if everytime you socialize, you do it for your cousin. And when you wrote things like the fact that your ugly and useless,it showed that you dont care what people think about you. If you dont do something about your life, no one will.
And if you stay stuck in alittle box forever, it will only show her that your life depends on her and youll only make her feel guilty and ashamed.
After all, mabey the only reason she rejected you was because she wanted to date guys older than her. You could always ask her, but that would just encounter problems.
I really hope my advice was helpfull and that things will work out.
Good luck!
A
female
reader, Ragini  +, writes (5 January 2009):
Listen Yaar I am also in the same problem. But I Think You Should tell her once about your feeling. A girl just wants to have a boyfriend who really cares for her. You Know I'm also in love with my cousin.Well, If you're ready to Propose her then BEST OF LUCK.
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reader, anonymous, writes (16 December 2008): This is verified as being by the original poster of the question I'm sorry for doing this so late,but i think i should have mentioned more things about me in the question.But i will do it now...
I am an 18 year-old boy,i live in a city in Romania.First and most important thing i would like to tell about myself is that i NEVER fell in love before.I will be honest:i didn't really care if a girl liked me or not,and i have an old saying: "LOVE IS PAIN" This is pretty much true i guess,and no girl has ever shown any interest towards me.Okay,i am ugly and i am pretty much useless,after all,i spend ALL my time in front of a computer.And i hate going out.I don't know why.And YES,I KNOW.I should spend more time outside,but trust me,it wouldn't work.So please don't tell me to socialise,because i really can't.So like i said,no girl would want a computer-addict friend,right?At least computers can't hurt my feelings.So you might ask why did i fell in love with my cousin,rihgt? Well to be honest,i don't know... but the main reason is that she is THE ONLY person who ever accepted me for who i am.She did not care that i am ugly,she did not care that i am sitting inside a dark room,with my computer.She actually took me to a mall...i never tought that will happen,but she did it.She respected me.No one else respescts me.Everyone just ignores me.And i'm telling you,that ignorance hurts a lot.She made me feel good.For once,i did not care about other things.I was so pleased to be with her.And there were many more things that we've done,which were all so great.And because i NEVER had any kind of relationship before,i really didn't know why we couldn't be together.And i still don't know... :( I have read LOTS of similar stories here,on Dear Cupid,and there were lots of cases where two cousins got in a really good relationship.It was all going well between us,really...at the end,i was convinced that she fell the same thing towards me... and please,understand: I KNOW what love is.Just because i never fell in love before,that doesn't mean i don't know what it is.That's what she told me,when i told her that i love her... and it was painful...sorry to say this,but it was painful for me...i tought that she will understand me,but she didn't.So you might ask,where and when did this "relationship" between us end,no? Well,it kind of suddenly ended.Just like that.Before i would tell her,that i am i love with her,she would write SMS messages to me daily,about 4 avery day.She would write to me on messenger.It was clear that there was something special between us.SHE always kept telling me that we are becoming more and more closer to each others,honestly!That's what she told me.And ALL those things she wrote,the way she wrote them...well let me tell you that if we were JUST COUSINS,she wouldn't have wrote them.But like i said,since i told her,no more SMS,no more 10 hour-long chats on messenger.Just ignorance and pain.If i would have known that she will be hurt by the fact that i told her,i would heve NEVER told her.So i recommend to everyone who reads this.Or at least,this is my opinion: Don't tell anyone that you are in love.Let the one you love discover that you are in love with her... Telling her i am in love is the biggest mistake i ever made in life... i will always regret it... :(( I just hope that she will forget about me as soon as possible,because i have a feeling that all those memories hurt her,even though they are superb and beautiful memories... and even though this hurts me an awfully lot,i will try to keep distance,i will not continue to "pollute" her with my stupid presence.Just as long as she is happy,i will do anything for her,even if this thing is destroying me. Best of luck to everyone out there!!!!
Thank You again DearCupid and please excuse me,because i keep writing about my miserable life.Who knows...maybe one day my cousin will enter this website and will read this and might just understand how i feel...
THANKS AGAIN!!!
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (16 December 2008): Hello dear, I am a she =) Sorry you are hurting, but you sound like a good guy. This is not the end of relationships. Just like she moved on I'm sure you will too, on to someone who loves and cares about you just the same. Good luck and glad I could be helpful
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (15 December 2008): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThe reply under this article is just sooo right. I don't know why i didn't notice this before. Whoever wrote it, he/she is very right. Too bad it is true what he/she is writing... :(( She really dosn't have any feelings for me any more. I don't know if she ever had, but now, she definitely doesn't any more. I read this a couple of days ago: "As i bent down to Mother Earth, trying to pick up the broken pieces of my heart, when i touched the ground, with my hands wet of tears, Mother Earth told me something that completely destroyed me: the only way it works is to leave them there..."" And it is true, it really isn't worth to keep trying any more. But it really hurts to see that she ignores me in such a way... but it doesn't matter i guess. It is okay as long as she is happy, after all,that's what really matters. No one gives anything about how i feel. So i hope that she will have a great time with her boyfriend. Thanks again "Dear Cupid" and thank you "anonymous reader" for Your reply, it really was helpful.
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reader, anonymous, writes (15 December 2008): Well, The thing about her always being invisible and then out the blue she appears online and has a headline stating "she's in love" I think that is a message to you =( sorry to say. I've done this before to someone who would not let me go so I had to let him know some way or the other that I moved on and was happy. This is just what it sounds like to me but it could well be something different. I honestly think that you should move on. Thats your cousin for one and two she has moved on and quite frankly does not sound like she has the same feelings for you =(
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reader, anonymous, writes (13 December 2008): This is verified as being by the original poster of the question Well,i just have to do it,i will write a comment to my own question (yes,the question on the left is mine)...
It was allmost two months since i wrote the question and unfortunately,the situation is still the same... :(( My cousin still ignores me,worse,she has a boyfriend.Actually she has MORE boyfriends,but she told me: "I am so happy...I think I am in love..."Of course,there is a little story to attach to this:One day,i signed in to messenger,and saw her status.It was saying that she is very-very happy.I asked her why is she so happy about.(she is allmost ALWAYS invisible to me,but that day,she was online.)And she said: "I am happy because I am in love,I think..." Well first of all,what does she mean she "thinks" she is in love?Is it really that confusing?I mean she is THE FIRST girl whom i ever fell in love with,and i was CONVINCED it is love.But whatever,she knows better... When she told me she is in love,i felt like a sword was going through my heart,because i knew she wasn't talking about me. :( I told her:"Great,i am really happy for you!" And it is true:i really am happy for her,even though this thing hurts me a lot,because the only thing i want right now is to be with her,but i can't,because she has another boy in his life and he is MUCH more important than i am... Like i said,she is allmost always INVISIBLE on messenger and this indicates that she doesn't even want to talk to me... :(( but as long as she is happy,it's ok.My feelings do not matter,i guess.PLEASE!! If there is anyone out there than has any suggestions,please tell me,because every day seems to be harder without her.Worse is,that she doesn't even give a f**k about it.I feel so good for her when i see her in the city with her boyfriend.Yet,i feel completely depressed and very sad in the same time.PLEASE,anyone who knows a way out of this,tell me.Especially girls,they might know better what to do in this kind of situation. Thanks a lot for reading!
THANK YOU "DearCupid" for this excellent website.Just by writing my feelngs i feel a little bit better.It is defeneatly one of my favourite sites.It's great that people have the oppurtunity to show how they feel,yet stay anonymous in the same time! THANKS AGAIN!!!!!!
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (11 November 2008): I can understand.
I feel the same. One thing I don't understand is why this kind of relationships are considered, bad or evil.
I hope for the best.
In dreams, everything works. I the real world, it is just unrequitent love. :(
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A
male
reader, 49683  +, writes (3 November 2008):
dude im 17 and i feel the same way to its like so damn confusing i dont if to tell her i want her to know but at the same time i dont i cant stand this
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (29 October 2008): Well I must say, there is nothing normal about beng in love with your cousin. While you guys were spending time with each other and having all that fun, yeah im sure it was great, and she seemed to be having a good time, but I think thats all it was, and you probably mistook her actions for something that it really wasn't, hence why she has been acting differently towards you since you told her. She seems like she does not want to hurt your feelings and the reason why she said she hopes your "cousin" relationship doesn't change....thats what she meant, she hope you guys can still be cousins. I'm sure it's making her feel really awkward that her "cousin" is in love with her. I know I would. I'm sorry you must not want to hear any of this but hey, your young, you have your whole life to date "outside of your family" trust me, you will be looking back on this in years laughing saying "I can't believe i told my cousin that" hope this helps. =)
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female
reader, JustChillin +, writes (29 October 2008):
 Hun, wow...what an awkward situation you have experienced and it sounds as though your cousin was trying to help you out of this by saying she hoped that you could keep your "cousin" relationship. It's very understandable that you thought you were "In Love" with her, but it was probably...more of "Crush", as she was "beyond" what you had remembered her, as back when you both were younger.
I had a similar situation, with one of my guy cousins that I had not seen in many years, as we both were growing up in seperate cities. Then, when we had to come together for a family member's funeral, we were both around the age of 17 at that time and I thought to myself...oh my gosh he is so good looking and I wish he wasn't a relative, because I could so want him as a boyfriend.
We've all probably had awkward situations come up at some point in our lives, such as having a "crush" on a teacher, a co-worker, etc. Don't beat yourself up over it and by all means don't lose the relationship with you cousin. Afterall, she is family.
You might want to send her some bright cheery flowers, NOT ROSES and put a card on them telling her you value her FRIENDSHIP and let her know you LOVE her as Family, but you didn't mean you were "In Love" with her. =))
Best of luck to you and please don't be depressed...you're young and should be happy in life!! =))
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female
reader, penguin64  +, writes (28 October 2008):
 AWWWWWWWWWWWWWWW.I dont think it's wrong to fall in love with your cousin. but you are related and its likely you'l be close cos will be similar in ways. so it might feel like you have fallen for her. you never know she might of been feeling the same but not wanted to get involved cos its not exactly ideal. what you could do is write her a letter or something sayin that she was right and maybe it was just cos u hadnt been that close to someone before. it may of been a different kind of love. i mean, were u sexually attracted to her? or was it just emotional? cos i think you can get attached to someone just because you like being with them.she might just feel uncomfortable cos she doesn't know what to say. so the best you can do is to just tell her how it is ne more time then just leave it and dont mention it again. x
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