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female
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anonymous
writes: Dear Cupid, I recently made the mistake of spilling some feelings I had to my boyfriend. What was going on was, since we've been together for quite awhile, I was feeling a little bored with our relationship and not very excited anymore and I told him that. Ever since then, he's told me that that conversation really turned him off and I feel like it's made him stop caring about me. He isn't the same, loving, sweet person I was with. Now he's really distant, but still says he loves me, he just doesn't say it as much as he used to. I know this probably sounds simple: it's over. But it's not that simple. I love him and I really regret telling him I wasn't excited anymore. What can I do to let him know that I really care about him and get his attention again?Broken Hearted Reply to this Question
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reader, anonymous, writes (23 August 2006): As with most love relationships, when a person offers one's heartfelt love, one's spirit and one's life...we all are quite vulnerable, aren't we. It's quite likely your bf feels this way. Because of these feelings, he is hypersensitive with respect to your words because those very words could have been misinterpreted as a threat to him losing the love you feel for him. But he needs to respond a bit more maturely about all this. He can minimize his hurt feelings by communicating back to you, in an open way and opening up this problem in your relationship for further discussion. This way you both are communicating as mature, caring adults. His choice to be hurt and angry, does indicate he is not understanding this concept and he's over-reacting.
You brought up some things in your relationship that need attention. You were honest, open and forthright. I respect that totally. How he reacted to that, is his problem..not yours. Sit him down and let him know how much you love him..reach out. But tell him that in the future, when things that are problematic in your relationship crop up...you need to feel safe and secure being able to tell him, without worrying about reprisals from him....such as this silent treatment. I think all he needs right now is assurances. Give him that but stick to your relationship values and make him understand...that a healthy, mature way to conduct a loving relationship is through open, honest communication. Good luck, dear.
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reader, anonymous, writes (23 August 2006): Oh la.
I hear you and understand.
You are worthy of a good man's love. Tell yourself that over and over.
You are a good, loving, capable woman. Tell yourself that.
Now, apologize. And apologize. Love him. Stop thinking about the past and focus on the future.
Of course he is hurt, really, really wounded. A man in love wants to be everything and give his all to his woman. He has just been told he isn't able to do this. He has suffered emotionally and mentally and is beating himself up over this.
Hug him. Console him.
I agree with male when he says a relationship means there are two in it and instead of pointing the finger at him, redirect it at yourself and say...what can I do to change/fix this?
Read a book by a great author by the name of Stephen R. Covey. It is titled "The Seven Habits Of Highly Effective Families". This book will help you gain understanding and teach you how to love and forgive and to do so in a friendly way where you audience will be receptive to what you are saying.
It will aslo teach you how to listen.
Best of wishes.
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female
reader, Tine  +, writes (23 August 2006):
 by letting him know that you werent hapy then it has obviously made him feel that it has been his fault and that is why he is acting like this. You should try to get the excitement back never mind going back on what you said. It was how you felt at the time and you were only being honest to your boyfriend. How about letting him know how you feel now? If your relationship was over then one of you would have dumped the other, its just having a rocky patch because your boyfriend feels that he has let you down. However make him realise that you didnt mean what you said, in so many words, because if you decide to take it all back just to get the old boyfriend you onc ehad, back then chances are it wil never happen.
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (23 August 2006): A relationship is a two way thing.If you felt like this why didnt you do something yourself to get the excitement going again,then in return it might of rubbed on to him and he might of given you somethings in return to add excitement instead you mentioned it to him that your bored and it must of came as a shock to him and no doudt hurt him.Now i expect he feels as if he is always on a test to keep the relationship exciting its no surprise he has backed off im sure i would of too.
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female
reader, Nish +, writes (23 August 2006):
Well, I think you shouldn't have told him about your feelings the way you did. You should have told him that you wanted to spice up the the relationship a little. As a matter of fact, tell him that that is what you meant. Try and tell him to his face that you really didn't mean it. If you can't say what you have to say to him, write him a nice long, appologetic letter. Let him know that you still love him and you didn't mean for things to happen like that. If I were you I would try the letter first because it won't cause a big arguement. He listen to what you have to say without you having to say anything. Plus, instead of him cutting you off while you're trying to explain yourself, he'll have to listen to what you have to say first. Just write him the letter, leave it some where he can find it easily, and leave the house. Come back later on and see what he has to say about what you wrote. And wear something that he likes! Hopefully he'll give in if you do the right things. Good luck!
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male
reader, guardian87  +, writes (23 August 2006):
 i feel it is important that you be as close to your partner as possible, like telling him whats going on in your life so he can help (atleast thats how its worked with all of my relationships). I think that you need to sit down with him and tell him that what you had said before isnt true cuz your missing him dearly. (Cliche Time!!! :P) you always dont know what you have until its gone. So, ask him if you two can talk seriously, and explain to him how you feel since you said those words and how u didnt mean that it was the end of a relationship, but something to work on
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male
reader, b boy +, writes (23 August 2006):
dont beat yourself up if you were feeling like that then you shouldnt have kept it in mabe you should have chose your words more carfully but nows the time to tell him the truth that you do want to be with him and you dont want things to change but mabe you should start picking up a hobbie that you both love and to do things more on the sper of the moment just to add a bit of spice in the relationship if you are not willing to fight for a relationship then its not going to work out and you have to remeber that its not all sunny days out and things will get hard but when you feel a love that is really strong you have to fight for that love and mabe you were being silly and expected it all to be be like the first few weeks of a relationship but as you get deeper in to it you see how you have to fight and not every day is going to be good
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female
reader, Ferooza +, writes (23 August 2006):
dear broken hearted,
i understand that this may be a confusing time for you, as the signals your boyfriend is sending out are not the ones your were hoping for. firstly you have done nothing wrong in discussing how you feel with you partner. secondly the way he is acting is unacceptable. what you now need to do is explain to him that the situation has made you feel worse and that it is affecting your realtionship as you are not getting out of it what you expected. explain to him that you love him dearly but thngs have gotto change, prehaps there are issues which are affecting you partner which he may feel hard to discuss explain that you understand this and that you are there for him and that he needs to be there for you too. if this doesnt work then unfortunately you do deserve better and i suggest you end this relationship if you are not getting what you need from it. always remember that there are plenty more fish in the sea!
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female
reader, Nay920 +, writes (23 August 2006):
Well maybe you need to tell him that and if yall love each other he should ba able to look pass that and move on when you love a person you should be able to tell whats on your mind and either he is going to take and run away from it or he is going to take consideration of your feelings and do something about it yall need to talk tell him that you regret saying what you said and tell him how you felt when you said it and tell that you love him
Good luck
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A
female
reader, snowbird  +, writes (23 August 2006):
 What on earth did you tell him that for???
He now feels hurt, as though you don't feel anything for him anymore..now you are going to have to mend that bridge, or if you don't, he will think you don't care that you hurt him, and will be waiting for the next wound!
Tell him that you did'nt mean those words to fall out of your mouth like that!! That you did'nt meant it to sound as though you were'nt excited about him, but that you really meant that you felt comfortable with him, just a little bored with the rut you both slipped into. That it wasn't about him personally, but you love him as much as ever, perhaps more - but you were slipping into an 'old married couple scenario insomuch as you were doing the same routine, and not doing anything exciting anymore.
This can really be mended, so don't say it's over, just tell him that you feel you are on a more secure level with him now, and feel that you can talk to him about anything.
All relationships lose that initial passionate spark - it just takes a little effort from you both to work at it, and rekindle that fire!! Keep telling how much you really love him, and don't stop trying. It will take all your powers of persuasion, so don't give up, I'm sure he still loves you, or he would have just called it all off. Do some nice things for him, and go to a few places you've never been to before, experience a few new things so you have some new things to talk about. Show him what you REALLY meant! Failing that, show him this page, and the responses..it will clarify things for him, I don't doubt..! Good luck, chick!
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