A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:i have been with my boyfriend for 19 months and i feel i really love him now. i am only 14 and so when i got with him i was young and i didnt know what love was but now i feel i do. i didnt sleep with him till i became 14 because i thought i was too young. he told me he loved me and he was ready for sex, and so was i. i told him he would have to stick with me if anything happened. anyway me n his best mate ended up drunk at a party gettin into bed and it split us up. a few weeks later i got back with him him. because of the little break, the relationship felt it was working a lot better. i slept with him again but i was certain the condom split. he said it didnt but i knew it did. last month i didnt come on my period so i took a pregnancy test. it came back blue. so i got scared but i didnt tell him because i was scared of his reaction. i went to his mum and she listened to me and said he would handle it quite well because he is mature. so 2 and a half months pregnant i finally told him in confidence and he sat and laughed at me and called me a stupid slag. what can i do now??? im sooo scared!!! should i finish him. should i get rid of it??? help please please im confused!!!! thanx fr reading and sorry for the essay x
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, _Hannah_ +, writes (5 April 2007):
Im Afraid he is still young. And What he Did was illigal.
But its YOUR baby. No one can make you do anything. If he Said he Would stick by you through anything, remind him of that.
But he doesnt sound worth it. I'd sling my bf for calling me a slag, let alone a slag when im pregnant.
A baby is the most beautiful and pure thing. You got to ask yourself Are YOU old enough to be a mother? Are YOU Responsable enough to be able to push your baby down the street in a buggy and not care that people are saying things about you?
Talk To Your parents.
peace.out
A
reader, anonymous, writes (5 April 2007): Listen to Dr Psych, she said a mouthfull.
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A
male
reader, maxsteel86 +, writes (5 April 2007):
 17 huh? Send his ass to the courts for having sex with a minor. Some revenge will make you feel better. And are you sure you wanna keep it? Abortions are free to people under 18 and less than 24 weeks pregnant. In the end, its your decision but a baby isn't a doll, you cant just pick it up and put it down whenever you feel like it. Just want you to know that
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (4 April 2007): hi, im the writer of this questions. thanx for the advice. but he is not a young kid hes 17 and hes old enough to understand. im gonna get rid of him and keep the baby thanx again x
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A
female
reader, Bailey J +, writes (4 April 2007):
 Ok first don’t say get rid of it, for one it’s not the babies fault your boyfriend is an idiot and you are a silly little girl who should have taken precautions. You need to go to your own parents and tell them your situation… they will know how to advise you better. If you do come to the decision of having an abortion, you need to make sure afterwards if you plan on having sex you go on the pill or another form of birth control. Secondly your boyfriend like you is very young, just give him some time to get his head around the seriousness of the situation, but any decision you make, make it for you and your future as I promise you this boy wont be around forever.
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A
female
reader, TELLULAH +, writes (4 April 2007):
 Hi,
I know you must be so upset right now, but you need to tell your mum. I am not going to give you a lecture about whether you should keep this baby, as I am sure you will need to make your own mind up. But I would just say its difficult enough when there are two parents, let alone one and so young.
On the boyfriend side, well I wouldnt hold out much hope of him coming round to the idea. He does not sound very mature to me, so his mum has got that wrong.
Please talk to your mum, or another adult you can trust. You need support now, whatever you decide to do. You have such a lot of weight on your shoulders, and it would be helpfull to get advice from a person that knows you.
If you need to talk, but cant face bringing it up. You could show your mum this site, and then direct her to your question. Maybe that would be easier for you.
I only recently found out that my daughter had been in the same situation as you, long ago when she was only 16. She decided to get a termination, and not tell me. I was devestated, not because I thought she made the wrong decision. But because I should have been able to help her.
I would never have talked her into keeping a baby she didnt want, I would just love to have been able to support her.
Please tell your Mum XXX
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A
female
reader, DrPsych +, writes (4 April 2007):
 This goes to show that at 14 you really were too young to be sleeping with anyone. No one here can tell you whether to keep the baby or go for a termination - that is a personal decision at the end of the day. However, you need support to make plans for the future whatever you decide. If you don't feel you can get that at home from your parents or older siblings then you need to find someone else - a social worker, a teacher, a GP. If you do decide to have an abortion then you need to act quickly on that decision to reduce the possibility of medical complications. However, if you decide to keep the baby you also need to tell people around you - the school can hook you into a special unit for teenage mum's to try to protect your education. You have learned a big lesson here. He doesn't respect you if he calls you a slag. You cannot change how he feels and neither should you try...you should think you deserve better treatment and that he is not worthy. You have to learn that sex won't get you love and often young women such as yourself start having sex early in life as a way of securing a false sense of affection from lads because it is somewhat lacking from other areas of their life like their immediate family. It is all wrapped up in not feeling too good about yourself and not having the self esteem to say no to demands for sex. It is better to wait and have sex within a secure, loving relationship - unfortunately you have to wait a few years for that to happen. Teenage boys are usually rubbish boyfriends as they are less mature than girls of the same age and they have lots of hang ups about sex. Forget about this bloke; we all make mistakes...the important thing is how you learn from this bad experience so it never happens again. Good luck!
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A
female
reader, xxxsoulsistaxxx +, writes (4 April 2007):
 You need to get rid of this guy and start thinking about what's best for you and the baby. He is nothing, he's a loser, you don't need him making this situation any worse.
Once he's out of the picture, you can decide what you're going to do. Do you really think you can give a baby the life it deserves? Could you give up your life to care for it? You are awfully young and this is gonna take a lot of thought. Talk to people you trust but make your decision, don't be forced into anything by anyone.
I really feel for you, this is a bad situation to be in and hopefully you'll have learnt from it. If the condoms splits, always get the morning after pill. But it's done now, I just hope you see this guy for what he is and move on with your life.
Hope you make the right decision. Good luck and keep us posted on what you decide.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (4 April 2007): i think that u should leave him because obviously he was only after sex!! i think that u should just forget about him and geto n with ure life! i know pregnancy is a big thing because ure still young yet! but dont abort the baby! have the courage to tell ure parentz!
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