A
female
age
30-35,
*ovehelp2000
writes:i have been with my boyfriend for a year and i do love him but i feel like he is trying to control me he hates it when i talk to other boys (which are just friends) he hates it when i dont go where he goeshe always wants to do what he wantshe hates it when i use facebookand he tries to stop me from doing my workwhat should i do
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male
reader, CMMP  +, writes (2 October 2013):
He controls you because he is insecure and afraid of losing you. He'd never admit that it's about fear, but that's what it comes down to. What that means is that YOU have all the power, not him.
As long as you don't fear for your safety (if you do you should leave him) then you can feel confident putting your foot down and telling him that you love him, but the controlling behavior has to stop. You can't continue with him if the behavior continues, so he has a choice: he stops being controlling or you're leaving.
If he calls you on it (and continues controlling you) then you need to leave. It'll be hard, but that's always the case with break ups, especially when it's not because you don't love them, but because it's not a good relationship. You may be able to out up with it now, but it will only get worse. It's better to leave sooner, than waste more time with a guy who makes you unhappy. There are plenty of great guys who will treat you like you deserve.
A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (2 October 2013): "what should i do"You should recognize all the warning signs of a controlling, potentially abusive relationship and get out now.Unfortunately I suspect you will rationalize and find excuses for his behavior because he tells how much he loves you and says you're the only one he wants to be with and treats you like a queen, and he will slowly erode your self-respect and self-esteem while isolating you from your family and friends to the point you will find yourself trapped in a situation from which you think you have no escape because you will be so emotionally and financially dependent on him, but of course you'll still love him.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (2 October 2013): Er, what do you do? You've identified many cases of him being controlling. It doesn't seem like you've made excuses for his behavior either (hopefully). All seems good. You seem smart. Yet, you don't know what to do? Come on. How can you possibly love someone who doesn't respect you? The more you let him control you and who you hang out with, the more you'll realize that all you have left in the world is him - because he made it so. It's a way of keeping you at his side. He's all you have and will ever have.STOP NOW. End the relationship unless you want him to start dictating when you eat, what you eat, when you go out, where you go out (which he kind of is already), etc. Sooner or later he'll start making you do his laundry and cook what he wants to eat.
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A
female
reader, llifton +, writes (2 October 2013):
 Put your foot down and do whatever you want to do. As long as you allow him to control you, he will.
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