A
female
age
36-40,
*hillystarjoan
writes:Dear friends, I have been crying for a day now because of my best friend. I have known her for over 9 years now, and we've helped eachother so much. I moved in with her and her son from another state and lived with her for about 5 months and then moved in with my boyfriend. We were the best of friends and I did anything for her. But recently he asked me to do her a favor that took me out of my comfort zone. She's Buddhist and I'm Christian. She called me one morning and asked me if I can go out to buy her a morning-after-pill because her and her boyfriend had unprotected sex the night before and an accident occurred. The morning after pills are high dosages of birth control where if taken within 72 hrs it stops the baby from forming. I told her I didnt want to do it because I dont want to be part of anybodys abortion and she totally flipped out on me. She said even if she had a baby she wouldnt want me there. And said that I looked down on her and that Ive changed. She also said that I think Im the only one with morals. I was suppose to sing at her birthday party this weekend and now I wont even be attending. She was suppose to be my maid of honor at my weding next January. It hurts because it was all a misunderstanding but shes so stubborn she thinks that I didnt want anything to do with her when she asked me to buy her those pills. Why am I hurt. What should I do how should I feel. I have never had anyone say those things to me. I am a good person. It hurts knowing someone out there now hates me... =(
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abortion, best friend, christian, moved in, unprotected sex Reply to this Question
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female
reader, Pretzelsinc +, writes (29 March 2009):
You are misinformed about Plan B (The morning after pill)Plan B is not an abortion pill. It is pretty much a super birth control pill, it works quickly to dissolve the egg, not the zygote, the egg, before the sperm can reach it. If the sperm has already fertilized the egg, the pill will not work, nor will it harm the baby. If you are skeptical, look it up anywhere you like.There ARE abortion pills in the US, but those are by prescription only and you must test positive to a pregnancy tests in order to receive it. They are not frequently used.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (27 March 2008): You are right to stand up for your beliefs. The morning after pill is a form of abortion and she did ask your advice so why is she mad? I would tell her look i'm sorry if you were upset but I was only telling you how I feel. I did not mean to hurt you and I hope we can be friends agian.Just between you and me if she dose not want to have children why is she having unprotected sex?
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A
female
reader, zeddiebear  +, writes (6 February 2008):
okay, i would be annoyed with you if you said that... but i prob'ly wont go into hysterics over it.
I think first you need to get her attention so she talks to you. Send her something silly something that will make her smile... could be a stuffed teddy or an e-card... after you know she has recieved it try calling her again. tell her calmly that you are sorry and that what you said was not how you intended it to come out that you both though best friends don't have the same beliefs. its not a necessity.
Anyhow, hope it works out. and FYI the morning after pill is not abortion. An abortion has a 100% sucess rate of getting rid of the baby while like condoms the morning after has still only a 99% sucess rate. you can still get preggers.
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A
female
reader, happytochat  +, writes (30 January 2008):
I can understand how your friend is feeling. She was in a situation where she needed help, and she went to a friend and you, as her friend couldnt help/support her without going against your own beleifs. Its a tricky situation. And I dont think you should do anything that goes against your beleifs. However, I think you could of been more tactful with how/what you said. I think it sounds like by what you said and how you said it, it seemed very un caring and judgemental. I think something along the lines of 'I really wish I could help you, I hate that you are in such a situation, however, as much as I want to help you, doing that goes against my beleifs, im sorry, could you find someone else to help you?'. And then perhaps you could of offered some other form of supoort, such as, tell her you are hear to talk anytime, so she knows that you still want to support her in any way that you can.
So thats just something to think about. You cant change whats happened, but what you could do, is go to your friend (if you want to save the friendship) and explain to her that you sorry you couldnt help her, but it just went against your beleifs. Let her know you want to help her in any way that you can. Also, if you are sorry for offending and upseting her, then you could tell her that too.
Hope this has helped :)
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A
female
reader, TELLULAH  +, writes (30 January 2008):
 Sorry! but I think you acted apallingly. How can you refuse to offer to help a friend that took you in when you needed help. So what!! she asked you to get a morning after pill. There is no baby at this point. She may not have even been pregnant. IT'S A PRECUTION.
As for religion, is this more imortant to you than your good friend. Do only God and Jesus have the right to judge, well if they do, they are very uncaring to some, thats all I can say.
I think your mate has every right to feel angry at you. And If I were you, I would be very choosey with my words next time.
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A
male
reader, chlez83  +, writes (30 January 2008):
Try to understand her too,she's stressed out about the pregnancy.I'm sure with time she'll be back to her old self.I believe she never meant all those things she said so don't be hurt.Just give her the support she needs but it's good you stood by your principles.You need to be like that always coz friends are the people that usually change us.Don't stop talking to her,be her friend and you'll not regret.
Good Luck.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (30 January 2008): Is she the type of friend who gets more out of the friendship than you do? Why is she asking you to get her this pill? Then she freaks out that you say no. Is it because she's just not used to you saying no to her? Are you sure it's even about the abortion comment completely. I know 2 women, the 1 is always using the other one, but the other cant say no to her. The 1 time she had to say no, her friend got so mad that she stopped talking to her for a while. But when she realized that she wasn't going to come crawling back, she actually starting kissing up to her. I would apologize for the comment, say you were having a bad day and that you know you shouldn't have said it. Then leave it at that. If she cares, she'll be back. But if she's a toxic friend who uses you, better to lose her friendship. In the future, choose your words mre wisely as others are saying.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (30 January 2008): I'm so sick of men or religious people with their stupid, hypocritical statements. The morning after pill is not an abortion. I completely understand your friend's reaction. Fair enough, you're a guy and are relgious, you have a right to your own views but don't try and inflict them on others, especially in a critical way.
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A
female
reader, Laura1318  +, writes (30 January 2008):
 It is very sad when long time friends can break up because of some misunderstandings.
You can apologize to her and let time heal her hurts and hope that sometime in the future that she sees the folly of such mistakes and be friends again.
When things have cooled down , you may try to approach her again .Sometimes, you can get misunderstandings about your religion.
You cannot blame her for thinking that way.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (30 January 2008): Forget the church.
The medical science of the morning after pill does not make it an abortion. I've never met anyone who actually has a decent understanding of the process and still objects to it.
The church objects to it because it covers for one more step of sexual irresponsibility. They're not half as concerned about the baby (what baby?) as they are concerned with punishing sexual irresponisibility.
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A
male
reader, Moviefan +, writes (30 January 2008):
 You have the right to say no to such a thing. If its against your morals. Maybe you didnt handle things well. You should of probably just said "no i dont want to do that, i dont like that idea." And why exactly couldnt she get them herself?? I dont care but its odd.
But she also has the right to her beliefs so she can use the pill if she wants and you shouldnt of sort of went off on her for asking. You wouldnt of liked her forcing a morning after pill down your throat. Its the same thing.
Maybe try calling her or the next time you see her and say your sorry and you didnt handle things well. And that its your decision but you didnt want any part of it because its against your beliefs. She should understand.
And you seem to be actingly relativley normal from the post so dont worry that your acting odd, you will begin to because you are worrying about it. And there will always be people that hate or dislike you and about 80% of the time its over something that could be fixed with a simple conversation and a simple understanding of each others situation.
Good Luck, Hope i helped!
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (30 January 2008): That is a bit harsh to say every woman whos used a morning after pill has had an abortion.
That's like accusing a woman of being a serial killer for having a period, seeing as to how each egg is a potential human.
But if you've got a moral obligation your friend should be understanding. Just call her and tell her a 9 year friendship shouldn't be put to waste over something as small as not wanting to run an errand.
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A
male
reader, Collaroy +, writes (30 January 2008):
 Hi,
there are two issues here. First, why did she ask you to go get the pill for her. Was it not something she could have done herself? You dont explain this. But it seems silly for her to be so angry if she couldn't be bothered to get the pill herself.
Secondly, you had every right to refuse to get the pill for her, but if I was in her boots and you were so judgmental to me I think I wouldnt really want to have much to do with you as well. A lot of Christians believe taking the morning after pill is no more serious than using condoms. So you have to accept that you were being judgmental based on your own Christian beliefs. Perhaps you have lived a very sheltered life , but when you make serious judgments about a friend's willingness to ,in your eyes, commit murder - what response do you expect?
I still don't get why she couldnt get them herself, but I'm afraid you most likely have lost a friend there. Be more sensitive in future, learn that your views are not necessarily shared by others, and isnt it the Christian way to forgive and forget? - I feel a lot of Christians these days do way too much judging - didnt Jesus say "He who is without sin, let him cast the first stone at her..."
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (30 January 2008): Actually, when used correctly (within 72 hours after unprotected sex) the 'Morning After Pill' is not abortion, but rather it prevents the unfertilized egg from becoming fertilized. It prevents the pregnancy. It is not abortion. Perhaps you should explain to your friend that you thought it was abortion and that you're sorry for acting so harsh. Explain your beliefs, you know? Hope it all works out.
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A
female
reader, O Connor  +, writes (30 January 2008):
 well while i see how she took you out of your comfort zone, i also see why she would be upset. the wording that you used to say no to her were not the best, and she probably felt quite judged and condoned by you. while they may be your beliefs, they are not hers and she doesnt see what she is doing as abortion - nor do alot of ppl. she is still so young and already has one son - you have to see how this would be a very hard situation for her to be in. i think you should talk to her and apologise for the way you talked to her - how you phrased it. no offence or anything but the pill was not for you it was for her, and while you may not believe in it, support is wat she was looking for most from you, and when she didnt get it she was hurt and surprised. talk to her and try and get things back on track
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A
female
reader, nailglitter18  +, writes (30 January 2008):
 I'm not sure what you could do in this case. Having your own beliefs and opinions is OK. But the issue here is that you seem to have expressed them in a rather judgmental way. Your friend also has the right to her own beliefs. She may not have realized that you do not believe in the morning after pill. There are other ways of saying "no", than "I dont want to be part of anybodys abortion".
I'm sorry this happened. I think you should try to talk to her, and explain that you weren't judging her (which I hope you weren't -- as a fellow Christian, you should know that only God and Jesus have the right to judge). She may still be mad at you, but at least you will feel better about explaining it.
I would not agree, however, that the morning after pill is an "abortion pill". I think there is a difference between an abortion, and preventing getting pregnant. Do you believe in birth control pills? In fact, do you believe in condoms? They prevent babies from forming, too.
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