A
male
age
30-35,
*rBrightside90
writes:about 4-5 months ago I told one of my girlfriends secrets to a friend of mine. She found out about it by reading one of my IM chats with that friend, she was furious about it.But now 4 months later she is still angry about it, she doesnt trust me and can not forgive me. She dugged up dirt again today on the phone, then she hang up because she didnt feel like talking to me anymore.I dont know what to do to gain her confidence back, but im kind of pissed off too, she gave our relationship another shot but she keeps acting mad towards me on occasions. I really do not want to break up with her, i love her, but then again i dont know what to do.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (21 May 2009): you broke her trust and informed the very girl you were moving on with. imagine what it did toher. it humiliated her. there may have been some many others you could have confided in but you chose the very one that can humiliated her more.
"She was also angry about me seeing another girl when we broke up, this was the person whom i told this secret to ' COME ON. i can see why she is angry. you betrayed her. you made her feel like shit with the very person you moved on to.
unfortunately you need to weather this storm. it may take longer for your gf to get over this hurt and betrayal but if you love her you just have to shut that trap and accept her venting, every time. time may heal but for now your actions have consequences and the consequences are that your gf is still hurt and angry.
next time someone tells you a secret, you know what to do. if you really feel that you cannot keep one, then just tell the person not to tell you. your gf learnt the hard way. and so did you.
every now and then we mess up with these so called secrets but it is called a secret because it is. i too have messed up and had to pay the price.
A
female
reader, Abrasive_Reality  +, writes (21 May 2009):
First of all, I think its important to understand the value of trust in a relationship.
You betrayed her by telling her secrets, so her initial anger is acceptable. However, its been 4 months and she forgave you... so now 4 months later, she is still angry with you and still brings it up...
we are all human, and it take a big person to be able to forgive and then forget, but for instances like this, its important for her to move on from the past and not to bring it up, she forgave you.... thus creating the idea of moving forward instead of dwelling in the past....
Her trust may still ultimately be altered and she may still be attempting to gain it all back, but I don't think she is necessarily in the right by still bringing it up and reliving the past...
If it continues in this route, ultimately you two will continue to grow apart and never be able to work through this...
Neither of you are in the right, and you two are both still young; so communication is key in a situation like this. You really need to talk to her about how you feel in a calm mature manner as difficult as that may be.... but once you two are able to set aside the past you can move forward, or she may not ever be able to move on from it, in which case, it may be time to call is quits and move on with your life... you will be miserable if you two continue to go the way you are going....
Good luck to you, and I hope all of it works out!
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A
male
reader, MrBrightside90 +, writes (21 May 2009):
MrBrightside90 is verified as being by the original poster of the questionwell the secrets was very big, id say a 9 or 10. It was something that was slowely damaging her, but she wouldn't seek help from others. I had a hard time watching her inflicting this stuff on herself, so i tried to get some support from a friend.
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A
male
reader, MrBrightside90 +, writes (21 May 2009):
MrBrightside90 is verified as being by the original poster of the questionI appologized for the 20th time, and i told her i cannot change the past, but she refused to talk to me.
She was also angry about me seeing another girl when we broke up, this was the person whom i told this secret to ( this girl was a very good friend of mine, i was not into her like a girlfriend.)
But my current girlfriend still resents me for this, she said i knew that girl was into me and i have hung out with her.
Mind you, she broke up with me in the past, and cheated on me.
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A
female
reader, Emilysanswers  +, writes (21 May 2009):
She can't continue to go out with you and stay mad.
Either she forgives and moves on and you rebuild the trust slowly.... Or she stays angry and splits up with you.
I know it's hard but you can't go on like this.
Tell her she has to make her mind up. She either forgives you or she doesn't. She can't be with you and be angry.
Grovel and apologise again and hope for the best.
Good Luck!! xx
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