A
male
age
41-50,
*erek99
writes:How can I win her back?I've been going out with this girl for almost 7 years, then out of the blue she broke up with me. She stated that she loves me, she can’t marry me and that I should find someone better then her. I stated that I’m old enough to make that decision and I love her so much. My problem was that I did not tell her that I love her until a week before the break up. I pushed her away for so many years and now I need her back, I love her so much that my heart hurts. I never cheated on her. We have not seen each other for 2 months now . I called her she said don’t call for another month. She said she wants to be friends but not yet. Because she loves me and its to hard for her. A month before the break up she told my friends that she loves me so much. When I told her that im in love with her and I want to marry her an have kids, few weeks after that she broke up with me. She went so cold. What can I do. She asked me to marry last year and I said im not interested. I have broken her heart. In 2 months I stepped into he shoes and I have changed for the better. We spoke to each other on the phone 5 times a week and see each other 2 a week and now she went cold, she does not call me or email me. We made each other so happy and we connected on so many levels. I thought she was 'the one' and now I'm beside myself.I called her in december and asked her is she still loves me. She said she would rather not say. I MUST win her back! How do I convince her though that I have changed and I want her back
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female
reader, jabey  +, writes (27 January 2007):
I think no dont send anything in February. YOu have to carry on with the space. I know many of my friends who have split up with their man and then if he has not contacted them or sent anything nice or made contact it really makes them sit up and notice !! one friend told me when she finished with her ex he kept sending flowers and calling and she loved knowing he was there all the time. Then one day he stopped contacting her and no calls etc this really unnerved her and guess what she ended up calling him and trying to get him back. She will notice you more if she thinks your fine and moving on, this will worry her even to the extent of wanting you. So do as planned just wait for the month to be up then call and ask her to lunch. In meantime do some exciting interesting things, read a good book, go out different places, then also you will have lots of interesting things to tell her and she will admire you for this. REally hope things work out give it all you have got !!
A
female
reader, willywombat +, writes (21 January 2007):
 I have to ask you...in what way have you 'changed'? You say you must convince her you have changed...
Is there some underlying dynamic that you are not going into on here?
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A
male
reader, derek99 +, writes (21 January 2007):
derek99 is verified as being by the original poster of the questionI will call her in February. Would you send her flowers for Valantine Day and ask her out for dinner as friends ? Thanks for all the help. Im improving my self for teh last 2 months, I hope she accepts my call in february since she asked me not to call her in january.
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A
male
reader, derek99 +, writes (21 January 2007):
derek99 is verified as being by the original poster of the questionI will not call her till February and I ask out for lunch at the zoo. Would you send her friendship flowers for valentine day on 14 February ?
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A
female
reader, x..HelpfulWun..x +, writes (20 January 2007):
 Some poeple get cold feet and scared when people pop that question and you cannot blame her -the question does mean 'will you spend your days with me forever'.otherwise i would just leave her a bit. phoning or emialing might make her nervous. become friends again ((slowly bt surely))and you'll evenutally gain a strong relationship, if your postive you want to bother, because remember she might just do the same and theirs plenty more fish in the sea.
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A
female
reader, jabey +, writes (20 January 2007):
i would now not contact her for at least one month. Then after that month of no contact she will hav ehad time to find out if she misses you or not. Then after a month call her and ask to meet for coffe and stress it really is aa a friend. Then when you meet up be friendly and cool dont tell her you miss her or push her in any way. let her just enjoy your company and remember what it is she loves about you. At the end of the casual friendly date ask to meet again. Do this a while and try to rebuild some friendship with no pressure from you. This will give her the breathinbg space I think she needs. Sometimes when someone has pushed us away so much we want and want and want. Then when we get what we want we realise its too late. So by giving her the space she will have time to figure out what she wants. If you keep pushing you will push her farther away. Good luck, I feel for you so much its so hard to lose someone you love. But if you play it right you can recover this relationship.
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A
female
reader, willywombat +, writes (20 January 2007):
I think (this is just my opinion) that she just is not sure if she loves you any more. I also believe that because you have chased her with phone calls etc)you have messed up your chances of a reconcilitation. She says she would rather not say if she loves you...this indicates she doesn't but is trying to let you down gently.
Please leave her until she contacts you. And try to move on. I think this may be your only option.
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