A
female
age
36-40,
*bnj0712
writes:i recently started liking my best friend who is a girl. we found out that we both liked each other and things were going slow but good for a week or so until her ex's dad ended up in the hospital. to make a long story short i told her that she should just get back with her ex because she obviously still loves him, more than she does me and will always come before me if we ended up in a relationship. so now in order to remain her friend i have to get over her but how??? she's my best friend, i told her i would need time and i wouldn't be able to talk or see her until i was fully over her but that just makes her upset. what do you think is the best way to handle this situation?
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female
reader, Cyg79 +, writes (28 September 2008):
 Well, that does change things. Looks like you are doing what you can to help, and you seem to have a handle on the situation. Best of luck to you.
A
female
reader, pbnj0712 +, writes (28 September 2008):
pbnj0712 is verified as being by the original poster of the questionwell things kinda did a 180 with this whole situation. i DID feel she should be with him since she has told me he's her weakness but he's a very unstable person, to the point that i worry about her. and i didn't realize this until the day after i told her to be with him. and when i say unstable i mean when he gets angry he jumps off the deep end. he's climbed up her roof to look in her bedroom window to see if she's home to make sure she's not lying. he yells at her for dumb things and is very irrational. i didn't realize how bad this was until i saw it from this point of view. so i told her that i didn't want to see him bring her down and she told me she wanted help but didn't know what to do so i told her i would help in all the ways that i could, going with her to get a restraining order, weening him off her, all of that. but if she didn't make an effort then i told her i would stop being her friend, hopefully to help her see how serious this is. yes i kind of left out that her ex is a psycho but i wasn't even thinking about that until later....
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A
female
reader, Cyg79 +, writes (27 September 2008):
You did what I would have done. Sacrifice your own wants for a friends happens. Some would argue, if it was your sacrifice to make? I think you should take a long look at the reasons why you decided she would be better off with her boyfriend then you. To cut off contact with her, is cold, and should only be done if you are prepared to lose a friend. I know this because I have done it.
Look at it from her perspective. Her ex someone she once had strong feelings for is going though a hard time. She may not be sure if she wants to go back to him, since they had broken up for reasons, and the reasons to getting back together would be in the light of something very tragic. However there is a need for her to be there for him, as a friend due to history. That alone can be confusing. Then her best friend, someone she has recently discovered she has feelings for is hurting because of her. In light of this she is telling her to go back to the ex and does not want to talk to her. Yes she may be able to see her friend is hurting but so is she, especially when it seems she has no choice in any of this.
Ok what I’m trying to get across is from how things have been stated in your question you seem to have taken her choice away due to assumptions. Now the assumptions may be justified, but in the end you’re making lots of decisions without input. Don’t give up on her if you really think you two may have had something together. Sometimes we give up to early.
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A
male
reader, L VIC  +, writes (27 September 2008):
don't do that her boyfriend won't mind she is bisexual. so what's the problem? she loves her boyfriend and she loves her friend which is you. I really don't see anything wrong. you just have to accomodate the time between her BF and you, and i'm pretty sure you girls can work this out there is no need for you girls to separate ...
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (26 September 2008): First thing is what makes you think that she is not over her ex? When it comes to you needing time to get over her you need to do what is best for you. If you need time to not talk or see her for you to get over her then that's what you need to do. If she is truly your best friend she should understand and give you that space.
But you need to talk to her and see if she is truly over him and is ready to be with you. You guys need to sit down and talk. With no interruptions until you both come to an agreement you are both happy with.
I hope I helped, and good luck.
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A
female
reader, Star_07 +, writes (26 September 2008):
 Did she get back with her ex or was this just your suggestion?
Im wondering, why would you tell her to get back with her ex? She might have close ties with his family or even still care about him but is that enough for a relationship? Do you honestly think he would always come before you?
It seems to me that you should be supportive but at the same time, go after what you want. If you truely want to get over this feeling then yes, you will have to talk to her about it and allow yourself some time. But, you cant avoid her, especially if you two are really good friends. If you two arent going any further and this is the final decision, then I think you will just need to work through it, after all, she is your best friend. You two can work through this together!
Take Care!
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