A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:Hi, I'm feeling very confused right now and was hoping any of you out there who have been in a similar situation, could give me some advice.I'm 25 and have been working in various fulltime office jobs over the past 10 years.I have one of those 'gentle, nice-as-pie' personalities.. and entered into the workforce thinking that if I do my job 150%, this will make me indespensible to the company, well liked and respected. Well you soon learn that life certainly doesn't work that way and the nice people of the world ALWAYS finish last! I was bullied out my first job after 18 months, by the lady I reported directly to - a controlling, manipulative and calculating bully.. who picked on me solely because I was a very hard worker and she was threatened by this. Rather than working together as a team, she began to micro-monitor me, while also setting impossible deadlines for me to meet. She even had me attend a disciplinary hearing because I didn't go to their company Christmas function - would you want to party with those kind of people under those circumstances? In the end, I walked out during my lunchbreak one day and just couldn't physically go back into the building. She had reduced me to an emotional wreck.. I had worked myself to the bone and still felt like I was even FURTHER away from pleasing any of them. I would shake every morning as I walked into that torture chamber. The whole experience was traumatising.. and even now, 4 years later, I sometimes feel the scars have not healed. I have had a couple more experiences like this over the years, but nothing as bad. Having some excellent references on my CV, I have not found it difficult to pick myself up and find more work straight away.. but over the years, I've begun to wonder whether I'm just not right for office work. I feel that office work seems to attract these kind of manipulative and coniving people who love to exploit the qualities I have that I've always been proud of. I currently have a permanent job in a large corporate office, where nothing like what I've experienced would ever be allowed to happen. I am the Project Coordinator for a large implementation, which is the biggest and busiest job I've ever had, but over the past few weeks, I've begun to realise that this past year of working late nights, doing small favours for others, helping other's with their workloads.. has not gained me an ounce of respect from these people.. and I have basically come to the conclusion that I have (once again) taken on that all-too-familiar role of being everyone's goafer and general runaround... and BAM.. I feel like I'm that emotionally beaten little 21 year old all over again. I am without a degree, never having been to University.. so basically, I've always taken on the role that's at the bottom of the food chain.. and I've never been able to actually work my way up. Even in my current role, I seem to be the girl that everyone gives the work to that no one else wants to do... I get absolutely ENORMOUS amounts of work, just dumped on my desk and I am expected to do these, with the most unrealistic expectations.. but I have no one around that I can ask to help me - as people will NEVER take work off someone at the bottom of the hierarchy. You can only delegate downwards and if you're at the bottom.. you're just expected to get it done - and if you can't - you're 'incompetent!'Over the past few weeks, as the momentum of our project has picked up, I've been trying my best to practice being assertive - to speak up when I'm given a massive deadline I know I cannot meet, and trying to inform my boss about all the extra work I seem to be doing on behalf of so many others that aren't pulling their weight. Suddenly, I've realised I don't have any of the support from those people I worked so hard to gain respect from... and again, I'm reconsidering that career change I've thought about for so many years.I would love to hear from anyone out there that may of found themselves in the same kind of position as me. I'm tired of feeling like that 'worthless nothing' all the time. I have always believed that life is too short to be miserable and exploited in your workplace. I also strongly believe that if you are happy and proud of who you are as a person (as I am), you shouldn't have to change to please anyone else. I feel now that that is what I am doing.. as if I'm selling out to these people.. but then I worry that all my bad experiences have caused me to worry too much and become paranoid about becoming the victim all over again.I look forward to hearing what you think.Thanks for reading.
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male
reader, Johnrr  +, writes (20 June 2019):
Yes I have been in the same situation for 40 years . My latest shock I joined a company 12 years ago and everyone that was there when I started is now a senior manager or at least has their own department. I have done big finance migrations come in on time and under budget. Done upgrades .. and just found out I am at the bottom of the IT org chart.
Get out of the office life - Do some voluntary work and go back and study - Your wasting your time being used as a doormat.. I am 60 next year and my ranking is lower than when I first started 40 years ago. Yeah screw the office - do something else before its too late. :)
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (30 September 2008): Thank you for your wonderful answers. You've really helped give me the confidence to make some changes in my life.
I think next year I'm going to actually study and get a specialised skill behind me! Enough of being everyone's doormat! If my good qualities are only going to be exploited in an office environment, then I want more for myself and my life.
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A
female
reader, Renata1967  +, writes (26 September 2008):
Wow - you sound like my "job history twin" if there is even such a thing!! I think you are just a sensitive person much like myself. I know for me, this sensitvity carries over to other areas of my life as well, both in it's good and bad ways.
You certainly hit the nail the head for me when you said that office work environments may tend to attract certain kinds of negative-energied people!! I have also noticed over the years, since going from non-office jobs and into the more corporate-y office type jobs, that bascially, all the poop does in fact roll down hill!! Sometimes the culture is much like that of jr. high school amonst the women folk too!!
I think you should consider a different field - I know I am. If you can, go back to school, or look into a career that complements how kind you are as a person. I can tell that just by the way you write that maybe you should even do something like that.
Most importantly, STOP that natural impulse to be everyone's "helper". Business is business, and if you plan to stay within this same line of work, quit caring so much about these companies - they will never care as much for you as you are about them. Your job ISN'T WHO YOU ARE. It's just a way to pay the bills for most of us. Remember, you don't want your tombstone to say, "Here lies Jane Doe: Best Office Employee EVER". When someone once put it to me this way, it really helped put things in perspective for me. Life is too short!! Work towards either being able to do what you love for a living, or failing that, at least use the job that have now as way to enrich your life outside of it in some hobbies. Who knows - maybe that hobby will turn into something greater than you expect. I hope that I helped you....
Peace and Love to you sensitive soul!!!!
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (26 September 2008): Youve hit the nail on the head. The office environment isn't for you. If you are not a naturally assertive person this environment will kill you.
Change careers youre still young enough to make a success in another field.
Good luck
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A
male
reader, Talksense +, writes (26 September 2008):
Hi, For a Question like this and the eloquent way in which you wrote it you deserve a much longer answer than i'm going to give. However, I have been in a similar situation as you not regarding manipulative work colleagues as such, but feeling left to rot and being taken advantage of for having a nice personality and character.
You are right about one thing, most of the time in life 'nice ones finish last', but i also believe that 'class will out'. There will one day be someone you work for or work with a bit of power see your true potential and see what you're really about, appreciate and embrace it and will take you to where you deserve to go eventually. So, you mustn't give up hope but the greatest attribute you need is 'Belief'. When you have 'self belief' it becomes your greatest armour to face any challenge that people throw at you, without it you will never get to where you wanna go.
So, if you haven't got it then i suggest you learn how to get it and hold onto it for your life. Also just like to ash ' have you got a boyfriend?' It's just when you have someone who really cares about and your life it helps to alleviate stress and not worry too much, it gives life a ' greater perspective' that's one of the great things about love.
Good Luck hope it all works out for you and remember ' Believe'!!!!
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