A
male
age
41-50,
*p44
writes:My girlfriend and I have been dating for 7 years and recently I told her I needed some space because I am currently in school trying to finish my degree in Respiratory therapy which has been extremely stressful. We still see each other once a week and talk everyday and continue to have sex. Last night I stayed over her house and when I woke up this morning I looked through her text messages which I never do, but had a bad feeling. Come to find out she has been having sex with this other guy who is married and the wife is a friend of hers. I am more upset by the conversations that they were having which was very sexual than the actual sex. I feel like my pride has been trampled on. I was jealous of the way they were communicating. We never talked to each other like that. I was extremely upset about the sexual act as well. I am lost for words. She told me tried to end it but he pulled her back in. She started crying and told me that it was because she felt very lonely and that I have moved on and didnt seem to care for her. Was she doing this because she was seeking attention? She says she still loves me more than anything. She called him right in front of me and told him that its over and this cant continue. What am I supposed to do. I am very hurt and shocked. I truely cared for her. I was just trying to finsh school to get a good job so we can get a house and eventually get married. Need advice
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (1 April 2013): I agree that what she did is unacceptable, and it's up to you to decide whether you can forgive her for it, but I would also say that telling her after 7 years that you only want to see her once a week is asking a bit too much. It's unfair to expect someone to wait around for you to work on your own life while they are stuck in limbo. Its hard but you need to make an effort to keep a relationship alive or it won't make it. In this case you have found out that she couldn't deal with the space between you in a mature or healthy way, but at the end of the day the relationship wasn't really in a good place anyway if you were barely seeing each other. If I were you, I would end this relationship but in the future make sure you don't put any future relationships on the back burner again as it can easily ruin it.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (1 April 2013): You said, you need space, ow much space? Did it mean that she was only limited to one day seeing you. I find that there is no excuse for her sleeping with a married man, especially her friends husband. That was a wrong thing to do. But... I had a boyfriend once who started limiting me on how much time we can spend together. There were various reasons: he expects a phone call, he needs to drive a friend somewhere, he needs to get up early and so on . It started after almost a year we were seeing each other. Every time he told me that I felt really bad. I desided to have a talk with him about it. His answers was that he can't take anyone in big quantities. So, I was ,anyone, to him. I still kept on seeing him, because sex was great, and I liked him, but I started looking around for someone who can stand me in big quantities. At one point I had sex with 2 guys, him and my present boyfriend. The difference of course was that my boyfriend was not married. This situation didn't last long, may be another month. ndi broke up with him to his greatest surprise. He seemed to be so shocked and upset, that I even had fun with it. I told him, I thought you saw it coming, with us seeing each other only once a week for couple hours. How long do you think it would last? I even had a suspicion that he doesn't just have me, but other girls also. And to this day I think I was not mistaken. These requests, I need more space, usaualy don't end up very well, in my experience. Yes, your girlfriend didn't handle it with a proper attitude, but my advice would be , no matter what, school, or no school, don't deprive your girl of your attention. She might not be the strongest character or a proper life partner for you, and you deside to leave her, but with the next one don't try ,give me some space, line.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (1 April 2013): first of, you MUST understand that there is NO real reason why people cheat.forgiving her or not-that's your choice.,if i was you i'd NEVER forgive, no matter waht, 'cuz there's not rason for cheating and usually people who cheat once they cheat again,this is prooven fact.and one of most important things in your case 7 years relationship is a LONG time,so she must be commited to you.
good luck bro
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A
male
reader, TrancedRhythmEar  +, writes (1 April 2013):
 This isnt good. Would she have told u if u didnt find out? How can u trust her again? Lastly imo if u take her back it would show ur a doormat n she will keep doing it. I think she needs to learn the hard way here by u ending things.
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A
male
reader, CMMP +, writes (1 April 2013):
Forget the sex part. It could be that the guy initiated the sexy talk and she just played along. When was the last time you initiated a sexual text conversation?
Regarding her excuse for cheating: I completely believe her. Was it wrong? Sure. She's obviously an insecure person and "filling the void" is a common way for that type of person to get over feeling hurt. You should understand that this was more about her than it was you or the other guy. You just happened to be the one to make her feel bad and he just happened to be the one who helped her get over it.
You have to decide if that's something you can accept. But if she did it once she could do it again the next time she feels neglected.
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A
male
reader, eddie85 +, writes (1 April 2013):
 I suspect there is a lot more going on than what you tell us here. I also suspect that this affair with the married guy was going on longer than you know as well.
Let's look at a few of the facts going on here:
1) Your girlfriend didn't get the attention she desires / needs, so instead of either dealing with it in a healthy manner or asking you to help her out, she sought out another man.
2) She got together with a married man. Not only that, it was her best friend's man. Her need to be wanted / the center of attention drove her to potentially wreck her relationship with her girlfriend -- as well as you. It may also indicate her lackadaisical view on marriage as well.
Ultimately, the choice is yours on what to do. But I hope you consider that marriage is a LONG road and there are going to be good days and bad days... even bad months and good months. I think you need to ask yourself: Does she have what it takes to stick with you through thick and thin?
Eddie
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (1 April 2013): I agree with Cerberus Raphael.
She cheated on you. She was more sexual with the other guy than she is with you. You aren't ever going to forget this stuff. She only came clean after she was busted. She would still be cheating on you right now if you hand not caught her.
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A
male
reader, Cerberus_Raphael  +, writes (1 April 2013):
 Were I to be absolutely honest? You should leave her. She betrayed you and the only reason she seems so apologetic now is because she got caught. What drove her to do it? It might have been the thrill of cheating, it might have been the sex. In any case, there is no excuse. She knew what she was doing and she decided to continue and it is likely she would have continued cheating for a long time had you not discovered it. She hurt you and betrayed her own friend. You say you want to get married, I say to you, leave this woman that you might find someone better to love and care for. Hers are not the qualities of a good wife or person for that matter.
Perhaps she might change and one day become a better person, if you believe so and you love her that much, by all means pursue this relationship further and hope that day of change is today. But be warned, your relationship might always be threatened by doubt.
I hope that helps.
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