A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:hi guys im in need of some advice and would love some help with this situation . going back 6 months ago i found out that my mum had breast cancer which was a major shock to the system however my two sisters and I have helped her through her ops and treatments (she is currently halfway through her chemothereapy ) It has been hard but on top of that my younger sister and I were carers for our dad (whom did not live with us ) he had diabetes and renal failure he had both of his legs amputated over the end of last year and we were very close My dad passed away in may this year and i took on all of the funeral arrangemnts to spare my sisters the pain of dealing with it but it really affected me.On top of all of this things got very strained between me and my husband , we were arguing all of the time and seemed like he just could not see what i was going through My mum lives next door to us and when we argued she could hear the fights and said she couldnt take any more, so one day i packed his things and told him to leave I still love my husband with all of my heart and he says he still loves me but wont come back as i threw him out like he was a peice of rubbish. I tried to explain that i was having some kind of break down but he insists that i must not care about him to have thrown him out . Prior to me telling him to leave i had begged and begged for us to not argue at least not so loud as to disturb my ill mum but the arguments became more frequent and i could see no other way for them to stop.I am currently going to get some bereavement counselling and am seeing the doc to see if i need some medication to help me deal with dads death , but the husband situation what should i do ?we have been together for 16 years ,do i wait and see if this will sort itself out or do i move on and try to find happiness eleswhere ?
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (7 September 2012): thank u all forr your help i can see that throwing him out was wrong now but at the time my head was all over the place , i will concentrate on getting well again and if we r ment to be together then fate will decide x
A
reader, anonymous, writes (7 September 2012): I am sorry to hear of all the heartache you have had. However you shouldnt have thrown your husband out he should come first that is what the wedding vows are.
However I can see why you did it. Isnt there a family member-do you have children who could be a mediator in this and try and get your husband to see you didnt mean what you did?
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A
female
reader, oldbag +, writes (7 September 2012):
 Hi
What alot you've been through. Hopefully your Mums now on the mend.Your getting counselling which is good too.
As for your marriage, I can see both sides, your husband was thrown out by you for whatever reasons. He must have felt the whole of the experience you were going through, he lost his father in law and his mother in law had cancer.
You would be focusing and taken up with your family which is totally understandable, its no wonder you two argued.
I don't think you should have thrown him out for your mums sake though,she is next door not in the same house,but with all the stress you were under its no wonder you snapped.
The future is something only you can decide,once the counselling helps and however the Dr treats you, is working. Your husband is hurt just now and you have to sort out your head.It could be he won't ever want to come back, then your minds made up for you.Give everything time, dont make any decisions yet.Your mums still not well and after treatment will probably need you and your sisters to help her get over her illness and losing your dad.
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A
female
reader, So_Very_Confused  +, writes (7 September 2012):
 you have been through so much...I am glad you are getting bereavement counseling..... I lost my mom years ago and it's painful to lose a parent... and mourn another who is ill.
would your hubby go to couples counseling with you?
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A
male
reader, SensitiveBloke +, writes (7 September 2012):
 You've been through a lot and still are. You will need to keep reassuring your husband and just give him time. Get all the support you can from anyone who can stand with you in this difficult time. You both love each other, but life's circumstances have put a huge strain on you both. Hang on in there and persevere. Things will get better. Why not suggest you attend marriage counselling together? He will understand that you're sorry and want to work at the marriage.
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A
female
reader, neomum +, writes (7 September 2012):
don't throw away your marriage just yet try going to relate and see if that can help both of you. He might of be a bit insensitive to how your feeling over your parents illness and death but also put yourself in his shoes to you neglected him too.
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