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age
30-35,
anonymous
writes: I am not a person who goes with the crowd but most of the time, I am scared of losing my virginity before marriage.Now I probably regret not having sex when I was younger, because I had always wanted to have sex. What's the difference even if one has waited years and still lose it before marriage?I am also terrified that because there are men who would never want to have sex with virgins, because sex with them is unpleasant or for whatsoever reason. It makes me feel I should lose it quickly. Its not something I hold in high esteem and I am tired of keeping it for the right person and right time so you don't regret it. There are many women who have lost their virginity to the wrong person and are happily married today. Do men really care about virginity? I am not ashamed of it but I am not proud of it either. Most times I wish there was nothing like virginity. Reply to this Question
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male
reader, oaksi567  +, writes (10 September 2012):
Hey, don't panic, virginity is a lot more common than you think and I applaud you for being patient. I'm a virgin and I won't lie it's drives me crazy but it's about being positive and patient. A girl like you deserves a nice guy and believe me, I do agree that there are lot of bad guys out there who treat girls badly, there are no guys as well and you would be a good catch for any guy, because you are waiting patiently and not throwing yourself at any man. If I met you, the fact that your a virgin would make me more attracted to you. It will happen eventually be patient.
A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (7 September 2012): Does virginity matter to guys? In all honesty, I can't say that it made any difference to me or any guy I knew. We so preoccupied with losing ours, that frankly it was a bit of a comfort that one of us knew what we were doing;)
Honestly, don't make it such a big deal, a don't be in a hurry to lose your virginity. The ex-virgin club is not very exclusive.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (7 September 2012): there is no rush to lose your virginity, it shouldnt be a big deal until your with someone you truely love or care for. Just enjoy life theres no need to worry about it when it happens youll know in your heart it is right. Losing your virginity is such a stepping stone in life its a time youll always remember and i dont believe myself it should be when your married but when you love someone and it is something special you share.
Dont just rush into it youll regret more that you lost it with the wrong person more than when you lost it, believe me i regret the person but at the time i really thought i loved him but now im with the guy i want to spend my life with.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (7 September 2012): Kc gave you a comprehensive answer there OP and I'll just add a few things.
First off waiting until you're married before you have sex is a bad idea, do you really want to commit your life to a guy you may not be sexually compatible with at all? OP sex isn't a one size fits all deal, no matter how good a person may be some people just don't fit physically, or have the same needs sexually, have the same sex drive and you may end up with a guy who is crap in bed, or selfish, or has penis that you can't really feel inside you, or so big that it hurts, or doesn't like giving head which can be a disaster seeing as most women cannot and never will orgasm during intercourse.
Finding out whether you're sexually compatible is a must before you get married in my opinion.
As for just throwing your virginity away just to have sex that's not a great idea either. Do you really want your first time to be with a guy who used you and threw you away once he'd gotten it? The memory of your first time to be with a guy like that and makes you feel rotten just thinking about it? Or with a guy who was too rough and wouldn't stop even when you told him to, who leaves you in pain, tears and just says sorry he got carried away?
Look sex is not the big deal you may think it is, but being used for sex whether it's first or 100th time is a big deal.
It's not about waiting for the right guy it's about making sure it's not a bad guy and that the time was right to do it. It doesn't matter whether you wait weeks, months or years it only really matters that the guy is good to you, you have a connection that is more than just sex and it feels right to you.
OP good guys don't care about it. Some guys want you as a trophy then they'll throw you away after bragging to their friends, others won't want to spend the time being with you and teaching you the ropes and neither of those types of guy are worth it.
OP the women who lost it to the wrong person or circumstances do go on to be happily married and stuff, unless of course the guy was forceful and wouldn't slow down or take no for an answer, but most will tell you that given the choice they would have done it differently.
My advice would be to stop putting so much importance into sex but also making sure the time is right and the person is not an asshole. Being a virgin means you don't know what kind of emotional impact sex will have on you, just giving it away to anyone may not be your thing at all and may make you feel used and dirty, I know plenty of girls that's happened to. Or you could be the type of person it has no emotional impact on and you love it so much that you just want lots of it and don't care who it's with as long as they have a penis. It's best to be a bit cautious.
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female
reader, person12345  +, writes (7 September 2012):
 The only men I could imagine not wanting to have sex with a virgin are ones looking for an easy lay who don't want to deal with that. If a man is upset you are one, stop and reevaluate if he really actually wants to date you or if he's going to sleep with you and the disappear. Some men, on the other hand, are really bothered by women who have casual sex.
Like k_c100 has said, I don't know any who wishes she hadn't waited so long to do it. I lost mine at 16 to a friend with benefits because I wanted to get it over with, like you want to. I don't regret it, but now that I'm with my current partner who I plan to stay with who was a virgin when we met, a part of me wishes I'd waited too just because he was one.
"Most times I wish there was nothing like virginity."
Welcome to being a woman. Everything having to do with sex for women is a cultural landmine. You didn't have sex? You are prude. You had sex? You are a slut. If you don't like it, become a feminist.
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female
reader, k_c100 +, writes (7 September 2012):
 Someone on this site gave very good advice a few days ago (sorry to the OP I cant rememeber who it was):
Basically you wont ever hear of a woman (or man) who says "I wish I lost my virginity earlier". What you will hear is many people sayig "I wish I had waited for that special someone".
So to answer your question, do men care about virginity? Yes and no. In some respects, sex is sex and it is enjoyable, so it doesnt really matter to the man if the girl is a virgin or not. However most men do appreicate a girl who hasnt slept around, men dont tend to like girls with multiple sexual partners, so to most men a girl who is a virgin is a good thing. It shows she has morals, is not easy and has been waiting for the right man.
Note - there are also men who see taking a girl's virginity as a game, a conquest really and they are simply using you to claim they were your first and that is it. So be wary of guys who seem overly keen on you being a virgin, because they might be using you.
What you need to do is realise that marriage is pretty irrelevant in all of this, unless you are a very strict Christian (or other religion). The whole point of waiting to lose your virginity should be about waiting for the right person - you could marry the wrong person yet have sex with them, and that would be very bad! Equally you could meet the right guy but not end up marrying him, but would that mean sex with him was wrong? No!
I believe that as long as you have met someone you have fallen in love with, and they are in love with you, you trust each other, respect each other and make each other happy - then sex should be a natural part of that relationship. You shouldnt have to wait for marriage, after all sex is a very important part of a relationship and it can make or break a relationship. I could never marry someone who I hadnt had sex with, because of the fear that you might be sexually incompatible then you would be stuck!
So should you wait? Yes, wait until you are in love and he loves you too. Should you wait until marriage? No, it should be part of your relationship because it is part of what makes a relationship sucessful. Should you just get it over with as soon as you can? No, because you will regret it more than anything else you do in life. Once you have sex it releases so many hormones afterwards that you dont even know about, you become so attached to the man you have just slept with even if you dont intend to. So having a one night stand or a FWB means you end up attached to someone who doesnt love you (and men dont get the same hormones by the way) and you feel empty and used.
Wait until you have a boyfriend, wait until you are in love and then see if the moment feels right. It will happen for you one day, and it really isnt a big deal. No-one needs to know at the moment you are a virgin, and I wouldnt even tell any guys you meet that you are a virgin until you trust him 100%.
Yes you can lose your virginity to the wrong person and still be happy in later life - but for women that lose it as a one night stand or casual sex they do regret it, I promise you. I lost mine to my first long term boyfriend, we were young but we waited 6 months, were madly in love with each other and it felt right. Are we together now? No, we grew apart and really were not right for each other in the end. Do I regret it? No, not at all, I'm glad I lost it to a guy I loved and it was a special moment. Would I regret it if he was some random I'd met in a club one night? God yes, it would be so depressing to know that you gave up a very special moment to a nobody.
I know it seems hard at times waiting, and you dont really know what the point is at the moment, but once you do lose your virginity you will understand.
I hope this helps and good luck!
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female
reader, Kay-Way +, writes (7 September 2012):
 Virginity is what ever you want it to be. I lost mine when I was 15 and to be honest I don't really regret it. I did it with someone who I was so comfortable and happy with and that's all you really need.
Do I regret it? Sometimes. Even though he was lovely and meant everything to me, he got bored of me and left me. After we broke up, I did regret giving myself to him. But at the same time, I was ready and I felt comfortable and I did want to loose it to him.
At the end of the day, you only live once and you want to make sure that the person who decide to give you life to is 100% perfect for you.
And FYI, Guys love virgins, because if the guy is bad in bed then the girl wouldn't have anything to compare to. There's also probably another very sordid reason too but I'm going to steer well away from that.
In the end, you and only you will know when you are ready and you will know who to loose it to. I'd be very proud if I had waited until I was 18 to loose mine.
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A
female
reader, janniepeg  +, writes (7 September 2012):
 So stop making virginity a big deal. When you lose it, great! Now you know what it feels like. If you choose to wait for the right guy, then that's great too. Sex can open up a bunch of anxiety about your body like hormonal changes, hygiene and pregnancy. Enjoy this worry free stage while you can. Being a virgin also means there's no need to answer questions about past lovers, and no comparisons between lovers. A guy who refuses to be with a virgin has some negative associations with virgins or feelings of guilt for inflicting pain on others. You shouldn't waste time on those guys. My mom was a virgin before marriage. Now she thinks waiting is stupid. Did she regret not experimenting? Not in the slightest. She thinks all men are the same when it comes to enjoying sex. What matters most is that you are happy with your lover. You are dealing with the unknown right now. Embrace it. Because once you lose your virginity you will sigh about having spent so much time worrying about losing it or keeping it.
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