A
female
age
30-35,
*aphne...x
writes:Hi guys, I just wanted to get some advice on something. Well I've been into this guy for a good while now, met him at my cousin's house one day and something really attracted me to him. He's good friends with my cousins so I dunno if this is the problem. He gives the usual signals that people do when they like you; always look at you, smile at you, acts differently around you and is just generally nicer when it's just us. About a month ago I bumped into him one night and we sat and spoke for ages, then he leaned in and kissed me. He didn't give me a good answer when I asked why he done it, and we stood and kiss passionately for ages before he walked me half way home (he stays near me) and he gave me a goodbye kiss in the middle of the street. Then I was at my cousin's a couple of nights ago and we were walking home, we ended up sitting out having a cigarette and speaking for a while again. Then he was playing around and ended up kissing me again, pulling me on top of him and it got rather raunchy haha. He gave me another kiss when we were going home and I got his number. But I've texted him a couple of times and he hasn't text back? I don't know if he actually does like me, my mind is going crazy over him. Should I ask him next time I see him?
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male
reader, Jmtmj  +, writes (29 October 2010):
 Yeh, I'm pretty much the worst guy you'd meet when it comes to using a phone... so I'm pretty confident when I say that anymore than 3 days and he's either:
1) Playing a game (ie, not contacting you deliberately, not to seem too keen, trying to build attraction, etc.) Guys may do this in the first 3 days... (3 day rule and whatnot)
2) Not as serious, invested or interested as he should be, reluctant or unsure whether to progress/transition to more than friends, thinks he can't be with you for whatever reason... (ie. being friends with your cousin, the bro code, fear of breaking extrinsic social conventions or others opinions, etc.)
3) Is going through a family crisis or something that genuinely de-prioritizes his love life temporarily.
4) His attention is focused on someone else.
5) He has mental hold ups, serious social issues, chronic shyness, etc.
That's about as accurate a cookie cutter as I'm prepared to propose.
Number 2 is so big because in my opinion I think that these are generally the most likely reasons why a guy wouldn't contact a girl whom he knows likes him, after 3 days.
Tennistars right when she says that once you've contacted him and don't get a reply that you shouldn't keep contacting him. It really hurts your cause more than it helps- I had someone ring me 5 times today asking for something which I didn't have. I already heard their voicemail, ringing an extra 4 times in a row didn't make me want to pick up, it just annoyed me. So yeh, the balls in his court, just play it cool and go about your life, if he wants you- he'll make a move.
A
female
reader, Daphne...x +, writes (29 October 2010):
Daphne...x is verified as being by the original poster of the questionYeah, I know not to constantly text and pester guys or they see you as clingy. It's just I don't understand why he acts like he likes me, but never actually says anything about it. But thanks for your advice anyways :)
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A
female
reader, tennisstar88  +, writes (29 October 2010):
 Could be a possibility, I wouldn't necessarily rule that factor out. So he's lazy about answering his phone but as Jmtmj confirmed 3 days is as long as he would go without contacting a girl he's interested in. If you keep on texting him, the more he won't answer. You've already made contact now it's his turn.
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A
female
reader, Daphne...x +, writes (29 October 2010):
Daphne...x is verified as being by the original poster of the questionOh and also, I just wanna add that I thought he might be a little weary of making a further move on me because he might not want to cross that line because he's such good mates with my cousins? What do you think?
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A
female
reader, Daphne...x +, writes (29 October 2010):
Daphne...x is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThanks for the answers :) Erm I sent him a text yesterday and got no reply, but I found out from a couple of his mates that he never really answers his phone or texts people back soo... lol. I saw him yesterday aswell while walking home, he was with a couple of his mates and he nodded at me and said "alright". Guys really confuse me haha, I really don't understand them.
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A
female
reader, tennisstar88 +, writes (29 October 2010):
Nope, you confirmed the timeline I was thinking!
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A
male
reader, Jmtmj +, writes (29 October 2010):
3 days max if I was actually interested I'd say... again, its not deliberate or calculated, but I hate using my phone, I prefer face to face so I'm not that bothered if somebody takes offense to me not replying- they wouldn't like being with me and I wouldn't like being with them so its no big loss.
Maybe I'm just a weirdo. Not ruling that possibility out :)
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A
female
reader, tennisstar88 +, writes (29 October 2010):
True, but how long would you leave a female's texts hanging Jmtmj?
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A
male
reader, Jmtmj +, writes (29 October 2010):
"If a guy likes you he'll text you back and not leave your texts hanging. However, if he's not interested then there's no sense in answering your texts. Guys are simple, that don't play games or send off signals, they don't know how to do it and they don't have the time for that crap."
We aren't all cut from the same cookie cutter though...
Firstly- how long since you sent those texts? Personally I'm quite comfortable checking texts and not replying for a few days... yes, even for girls I'm interested in and its not necessarily intentional. Maybe its laziness, forgetfulness, lack of urgency, more important priorities at the time- or a combination of a multitude of reasons. But really- I for one don't feel the need for constant assurance of where I stand with somebody, much better to just go with the flow... there's no rush. So just relax aye, and don't send him any more msgs or ask him why he didn't reply... that's the first step towards becoming clingy and scaring him off.
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A
female
reader, tennisstar88 +, writes (29 October 2010):
There's no need to question him all the time about why he kissed you or hasn't texted you. Yeah he kissed you, and it even got raunchy. He may like you or he maybe interested in messing around. If a guy likes you he'll text you back and not leave your texts hanging. However, if he's not interested then there's no sense in answering your texts. Guys are simple, that don't play games or send off signals, they don't know how to do it and they don't have the time for that crap.
On a side note, if you like a guy then tell him..Communicate with him instead of going off signs or signals that he's not emitting.
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