A
male
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:i have been dating her for over two years. we lived together for 1 and a half of those. she has a beautiful daughter i love to death. i have three boys also whom live with their mom most of the time. all young. ranging from 6-13 years old. i moved out because of the arguing. mainly over me working all the time and her daughter. she lets her daughter run all over her. the thing is... i want to see her and her daughter and i miss them so much. but i dont want to go back to the arguing. i honestly feel like i tried my best. i think she tried her best but it still wouldnt work. i want to let her go. how can i let her go? i dont want to meet anyone else ever again. i thought she was the one but i dont think she is the one. im so confused because i broke up with her and hurt her and i hurt so much. i caint sleep or eat. but i know i have to let her go. i hate this pain.
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female
reader, lovesalias +, writes (23 January 2009):
 it seems that you really do love her. Do you really want to let her go or are there just certain things that could use some work and if you worked on them consiously and together would that make a difference. Are you still in love with her. There is a difference between loving someone and being "in-love" with someone. To love her is like how you love your mom or best friend or aunt. To be "in-love" with some one is like you get butterflies when you here their voice you hope that they would call you even if there right next to you there still too far away...if you not inside their arms (last line from Rush Rush...Paula Abdoul) but I think you get the point. Take this time away to see how you really feel. Do call her to see how she is doing and ask about the little girl at least every other day...this will let her know you care. If you decide to work things out take it slow don't rush back in to live together. If you think she is the one then tell her how much you love her and tell her that you want to work on things and that you want to help her raise her child but she has to be the diciplinary in the relationship because although her child is young now she will grow up one day and you don't want her to think that it is o.k. to run all over her. Tell her or ask her if she thinks its important for a child to have some kind of boundaries. Say don't children like routine? Isn't it easier for a child to have a routine so they always know what is expected of them? Whatever you say about her child say it in question form because single parents are very protective with their children and if they feel you are bad mouthing the child you will feel the wrath but if you put it in question form you are not accusing you are simply asking. I hope all works out for you. Good Luck! I hope this helps!
A
female
reader, MommyOfOne +, writes (23 January 2009):
 Your going to butt heads about parenting. You have only good intentions with her daughter, but when its your boyfriend telling you what to do with your child, any woman is going to get defensive. Mothers are like lions. You just don't cross them about their cubs... Your a parent. You believe you know what your doing, right? So does she. Single mothers can get VERY touchy when you criticize their parenting. Why don't you two sit down and have a long talk about co-parenting her daughter. But what you have to understand is that in time, you will have more say. Maybe not right now, but down the road yes. Most men won't like that. They will instinctively beat their chest like cave men and grunt, "my house, my rules.". And very well, you deserve a little say, but as of right now, maybe not all say.
Whenever my boyfriend tries to tell me what to do with my daughter, I immediately become very defensive. Because it was me who struggled alone raising her by myself for years. And the first thought through my head is, "who the hell do you think you are?!" I haven't met a single mother who isn't like that. Single moms don't get enough credit. For every one time you criticized her parenting, did you tell her five things she did right with her daughter lately? This is workable. You just have to be willing to step back and earn that voice. Its hard, yes. But if this was your only problem, then its easy to remedy.
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