A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:I've just split up from a long term relationship. I like this new guy. We've met twice, the first time I chatted to him briefly, I knew that I liked him but thought he didn't like me as he didn't seem that responsive so I left as I didn't want to make a fool of myself and thought fair enough, he's not interested, plenty more fish in the sea etc. etc.The he found me on my email through friends of friends, and asked me if I wanted to meet up next time I was down his way, We did meet up, it was a lovely night and he's text me lots since then and asked if I want to meet up again. So far, so good.He lives a couple of hours away from me which is probably a good thing, as I've just recently split up, and don't want to rush into anything too soon. Cept I've found myself thinking about him all the time and he texts lots so I was thinking he feels the same way, The distance will hopefully stop things progressing too quickly as we can't see each other very often.Since then I've found some flirtatious messages from another girl on his facebook, which shouldn't bother me, but it does! She's reaaaallly oretty and I couldn't blame him for being interested! Also, he's not really doing anything wrong as we've only ever met up for one date. I haven't actually seen his response so I don't know how he feels about her, but she has written back, so I know he has responded. I want to see him again but it's silly if I'm bothered by a simple facebook message. If he's chatting to other girls is he just playing the field? His texts to me were pretty personal and intense, but maybe he sends those to everyone? He says he can't wait to see me again and he had an amazing night and wants to take me for a meal next time. I would like to just meet up with him and for everything to be casual and cool but I'm soooooooo not used to being single and just dating yet. Is this normal? I'm not interested in seeing other guys if I like someone but maybe it's normal for him to be talking to other girls at the same time?!? I'm normally really level headed and feel I'm being rather silly about the whole thing but I've found I do actually really like him and finding what could be a pretty innocent message on facebook has put me into a bit of a silly state. Any advice appreciated x
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female
reader, PunkyPippi  +, writes (23 January 2009):
 It would bug me too, but I agree with you that it shouldn't. Perhaps he is sensing your hesitation at getting involved. He's chosen to not limit his options since you may not be ready for an exclusive relationship. I would go on more dates with him, and get to know him better to see if perhaps you are more ready for a relationship than you think.
During the dates ask him if he's seeing anyone else so you know where you stand, and as time progresses if he is seeing someone, perhaps you can decide not to see other people.
A
female
reader, birdynumnums  +, writes (23 January 2009):
 I can see how you would feel a bit put off by finding out about this, but try to keep things in perspective. It's good that there is a bit of distance between you and that you recognize that you want to take this slowly, but obviously, your feelings are jumping a bit ahead of what you are telling yourself. AND, jealously is probably normal when you see a pretty girl on his facebook page, but try to take this one step at a time. You haven't committed to a monogamous relationship yet, even though you obviously have a good connection. You haven't discussed becoming boyfriend and girlfriend yet, so worrying about another girl is getting ahead of yourself.
I think that your biggest worry is that you think that he's either a player or a cheater, could this be coming from a previous relationship issue that caused heartache for you? All the more reason to take it slowly and play it cool.
If I were you, I would take it as slowly as you said you initially wanted to and heed your own advice. Then you will have plenty of time to get to know this guy better and figure out if these secret fears that you have about him have any foundation based on reality or not. It could be that she's just a friend! All will be revealed in due course, so try to hang on to those feelings until you feel FULLY ready to trust him, it's the basis of any good relationship. It's especially important to know and trust him if you want to be in a LDR, because half of the conversation (as in texting, phone calls and e-mails) is lost because you aren't seeing the facial expressions or reading the body language. That's one of the hardest things in an LDR. Miscommunication and missing them...
If I were you, I would just relax, and take it one step at a time. Get to really know him before you make a decision and throw your heart back into the ring. Good Luck!
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