A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:Help! My friend met this guy on holiday last August, and kept in contact with him, even though he lives far away. Anyway, they have pretty sexual chats and she talks to him all the time and stuff. However he does this with a lot of girls. He added me on facebook and so I can see what hes saying. Also, he talked to me and was very flirty and like 'You should come visit, you'd look nice in my bed.' I was shocked he'd say this after what he says to my best friend. So yeah, he's bad news from my point of view.Another thing I should explain, I think, is that me, and a few of my other friends are not virgins, and she is. And I think she feels pressurised into having sex soon. But all us who are not virgins were in long term relationships!Anyway, I met up with her today, and she mentioned she was going to the city where he lives in two days. I asked if she was meeting him. She is. I immediatly got worried that shes going to sleep with him and get attatched, not that she isnt already. I asked her if that was her plan, and she went all quiet, and I told her no, you dont understand, you'll reget it. "And where would you do it?" I asked, "Your in a city! A public toilet isn't very romantic!""No." she said, "We're getting a hotel for the day." That drew me up short. I was literally speechless with shock. Shes such a lovely beautiful girl, and shes going to go and pretty much meet up for arranged sex with a guy she met once. And I feel so helpless. She doesnt realise how much it hurts, and how awkward it is! And thats with someone you love! I thought she was joking, but no, shes serious, shes going to a hotel, to lose her virginity to some random guy. I dont know what to do! I've pleaded and pleaded with her to see sense, infact ive been saying for months she should stop saying these slaggy things to him, it makes her look so easy, but she WONT LISTEN. :(And now it looks like I have a day to make her see sense. I'm just so shocked she would do this... please give me some advice on what to say, anything that will make her see. Please, im literally at a loss what to do here. Thanks x
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reader, anonymous, writes (6 April 2010): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThank you :)I'm not sure if I could tell her parents, she'd kill me and I don't want to lose my best friend. I'm not as much worried about him, he's simply an immature 17 yr old. I'm more disgusted than she needs to sink to this level.Anyway, I sent her a text today basically saying 'I'm sorry I had a go at you yesterday, but I was very shocked. Your worth so much better than this, and he's just going to use you for sex and you'll get hurt.'She said she had told him if she went down there, she probaly wouldnt sleep with him.Which is a start. But i'm not sure if I believe that. Theres a chance that she might just not tell me now she knows my views.I've also spoken about it to another of my close friends, and she agrees its ridiculous. So at least its not just me doing the convincing now.Thanks again!x
A
female
reader, Laura1318  +, writes (6 April 2010):
 If you tell her the dangers of gang rape, STD's or being sold into white slavery and she does not even care, there is nothing more you can do.
He could be a convicted felon or a paedophile or a gangster or a mentally insane guy and the sex act could be videoed and put up in the internet. Her life would be in real danger.
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A
female
reader, SirenaBlusera  +, writes (6 April 2010):
 You can't make her change her mind but if you tell her everything that's on yours she may see the light.
You're her friend, you care about her and don't have ulterior motives... this guy is probably a jerk; he doesn't value her virginity, it sounds like he wants to use her for sex.
Tell her how severe the consequences of having sex are... you can DIE from having sex! Having sex with someone you don't even know is playing roulette with your HEALTH, and there are some illnesses you can get from sex that can't be cured... there are diseases that can kill you!!!
The fact that she's practically throwing her virginity away is in very poor judgement. She's not thinking of the consequences at all! One day she's going to meet someone that she really loves and she'll wish that there were something left for love.
Furthermore, she doesn't really know this guy... aside from the consequences of having sex... he could be crazy! He could do serious physical harm to her. He could be a violent criminal. No one should ever be alone with someone they don't know.
I agree with the other poster, I would definitely tell her parents. She's literally risking her life and she's seriously gonig to screw her life up at the very least. Her parents will protect her if they know about this!
Tell her everything that I've just told her; maybe it will open up her eyes. Definitely have a parent or some other adult talk to her about the serious error of judgement she's making... she's going to regret this so much if she does it.
She's lucky to have you as a friend; you sound caring and sincere.
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A
male
reader, A Man  +, writes (6 April 2010):
Sounds to me like she's done listening to you. Your going to have to go to some extremes to stop her.
I know it sounds awful, but maybe it's time to contact a parent. This sounds like a dangerous situation that could lead to more than just lost virginity. I think you should tell her mom and dad so they can legally stop her from going. Tell them all her plans.
She'll probably hate you for a while, but what's more important to you, her safety or your friendship?
Well, either way, good luck :)
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