A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:Over the past year I have become good friends with my personal trainer.But recently he told me he had to raise his rates and asked me for more money.Of course I was surprised he would do this to me and I am hurt by it. I thought he considered me his friend. If he did, he would not have done this to me. He said he had to do this to all of his clients. And he said he was keeping the price hike lower for me because I am his "friend."It now feels like it is a paid friendship and that it's like I am almost paying him for being nice to me and showing interest as a friend.I ask myself would he be this good a friend if I stopped paying him tomorrow and disappeared?Or am I taking this too hard and blowing it way out of proportion?Can there be a genuine friendship when money is exchanged?I think if you are a personal trainer and crossing the line with clients into friendship you are in some ways putting your client/trainer relationship on the line. So it can be risky when you get too close.Does anybody agree with me?Your opinions would help me out!
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (20 July 2012): Careful now.
If he sees that you have figured him out, he is going to try every trick in the book to reel you back in.
Do not fall for any of them! He just wants to keep you around so you keep paying him.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (18 July 2012): I agree with the last poster. You need to find yourself a new trainer. This one has sucked you dry long enough. And aren't trainers supposed to make you feel good about yourself and motivate you and push you to be your best? Looks to me like he is making you an emotional wreck. That is the opposite of what he is supposed to be doing. Not only is he ineffective at his job but he is crossing the line by flirting with you and leading you on and then he has the nerve to ASK YOU FOR MORE MONEY???? The guy's out of his flipping mind...that is the lowest of low. This guy's a jerk. I would not put up with it any longer.
I know it's hard sweetie because you seem to be invested in him emotionally. It's what he wants and what he has been trying to do to you all along. Keep you invested in him emotionally. That is the power he is holding over you. It is like a vampire sucking your blood. He doesn't care about you. When he sees you, he sees dollar signs. He just wants to suck you dry of your MONEY!
I am sorry if I sound harsh but it's the way I see it.
I think you are finally clueing in and this is why you are here. You know what is happening. You have the power to change it. Walk away with your self respect. You don't need him in your life.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (18 July 2012): He is very unprofessional. As a personal trainer myself for 15 years, I have had many female clients and I have never once crossed the line with any of them.
I can say that I am friendly with them but never become their friend. There is a big difference. It is just smart business. Who needs all that extra female drama in your life when you are running a business? When you start to get too involved in their lives, even if it is with the best intentions of keeping your clients happy, they are going to start seeing you as a friend and they will have trust put into you. If they realize you are only pretending to be their friend to get their money, they will not take too kindly to your behaviour. You risk losing many good clients this way.
What happens when you flirt and lead women on is that eventually they will figure out your game and they won't be playing it anymore. They will leave. No matter how charming you are and how much they enjoy looking and feeling better, anyone who has any self respect is not going to be humiliated this way.
This guy sounds like a gigolo, trying to swindle women for their money. Because these women tell him about their lives, he will very well have all the ammo he needs to push all the right buttons. That is low and sleazy! This trainer has crossed the line and what he has done is wrong. Does he work for a gym or himself? I would be complaining about him to his supervisor. If he works for himself, he is playing with fire. Could mean the reputation of his business if he pisses enough women off!
What he did was make you feel special and you thought you were different. He was probably using the same "technique" on all of his women clients to keep them paying.
You are right OP for feeling hurt. You opened up to your trainer and trusted him with personal details of your life. What did he do to REWARD you for being a faithful client and SUPPOSED friend? HE CHARGED YOU MORE!!!!! Something really wrong with this picture.
Guy sure did have balls to do something this low!
I would be finding myself another trainer pronto. Or you can train yourself. I am sure you have learned a lot in a year of training.
Good luck and next time stay your distance! Stop making some of these slimeballs rich! It's those types that give the rest of us hard working and decent trainers a bad rep!
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A
female
reader, So_Very_Confused  +, writes (16 July 2012):
 Ah your update sheds more light on this… he’s stringing you along and you want more….
Yes you will have to pay him to keep seeing him… he’s int this for the business…
You have to make the call sweetie… sounds to me like while he likes you well enough to flirt and take your money, you want more and he’s not able or willing to give you more.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (16 July 2012): In this economy noone hikes their prices especially if you are his long time client. People are jobless, he is lucky he manages to stay in business like his. And the fact that he tries to pretend to be your friend really sucks. That's why he never asks you out, because it's not his plan. His plans to keep you as long as possible by doing little things, coffee, texting, flirting, way too familiar for me.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (16 July 2012): I completely disagree with most of replies here that friendship is friendship, and business is business.I m in business myself, and of course I give huge discounts to my long time friends, but also I I give significant discounts to those who became my friends. And do you know why? Because I like them and want to do something good for them. This is how it at least should work. You don't charge your friends more because your rates went up, anyway he raised them himself. You are his long time client, and he should stick to his prices with you especially if you are his friend. Yes, he may be won't make this extra, but he won't make his client upset like he did you, and eventually it might lead to you leaving.It's a bad business!With that said, I just want to add from my experience and pretty much common knowledge, that personal trainers have a habit of luring women into their charms by flirting with them and pretending to be their friend.They are like this cute bartender in a bar or a guy that does your hair, if he isn't gay:). Once I came to someone birthday party and sat waiting in a bar. And suddenly this very cute bartender young enough to be my son, started acting very flirty, ending with words, now you can come and see me when you are bored. This is what they do, they pretend they like you luring you into living them good tips, stay as their client and so on. I had a bad experience like yourself with personal trainer few years ago. He started asking me for small favours that I can do because of my business. At first it was small things, and I did as I really didn't put too much effort into it, but when he started asking me for bigger things that took my time, I told him, that he would need to pay for it, as I can't invest so much time into his requests. He got offended, because he thought we were friends. I never thought of him as my friend, he flirted with me also, but I showered him with coldness, and he stoped. I never pretended to be his friend, why he suddenly decided that he is my friend. I told him, that I m paying him for his services, why doesn't he think he should pay for mine. So, he was trying to lure me into giving him free services by pretending to be my friend. I think your guys is just all pretend. He is flirting with you and then raises his prices? I don't think so. I wish for you to fire him and find someone more decent. But be sure not become " friends" with the next one.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (16 July 2012): Yes. We have gone out for coffee a few times. He texts me outside of the sessions. I don't always text him first. Sometimes he texts me first.We have not had sex yet. But trust me he is giving me all the signals.If it was just professional, I would understand the price hike. But it isn't. So you could see why I would be upset by him asking me for more money. We have this friendship/relationship thing going and based on that alone, he should not be asking me for more money. If the line was not crossed, fine. But it was.I feel really hurt. Part of me wants to say f you and go away. It seems like he is playing games with me. He does everything to show interest but never formally asks me out. I wonder if he wants to just have a fling? Or can he really be so low as to lead me on to keep me coming back so that he keeps getting paid? I want more than that. I don't want to be used. I just can't figure this man out!! And it is hurting me more and more to keep seeing him feeling this way. Especially since he keeps happily leading me on but never making a move, and taking more of my money!I know that I probably need to walk away but I have tried this once before and I ended up going back. I could really use some good advice! It is breaking my heart. : (
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (16 July 2012): I completely disagree with most of replies here that friendship is friendship, and business is business.I m in business myself, and of course I give huge discounts to my long time friends, but also I I give significant discounts to those who became my friends. And do you know why? Because I like them and want to do something good for them. This is how it at least should work. You don't charge your friends more because your rates went up, anyway he raised them himself. You are his long time client, and he should stick to his prices with you especially if you are his friend. Yes, he may be won't make this extra, but he won't make his client upset like he did you, and eventually it might lead to you leaving.It's a bad business!With that said, I just want to add from my experience and pretty much common knowledge, that personal trainers have a habit of luring women into their charms by flirting with them and pretending to be their friend.They are like this cute bartender in a bar or a guy that does your hair, if he isn't gay:). Once I came to someone birthday party and sat waiting in a bar. And suddenly this very cute bartender young enough to be my son, started acting very flirty, ending with words, now you can come and see me when you are bored. This is what they do, they pretend they like you luring you into living them good tips, stay as their client and so on. I had a bad experience like yourself with personal trainer few years ago. He started asking me for small favours that I can do because of my business. At first it was small things, and I did as I really didn't put too much effort into it, but when he started asking me for bigger things that took my time, I told him, that he would need to pay for it, as I can't invest so much time into his requests. He got offended, because he thought we were friends. I never thought of him as my friend, he flirted with me also, but I showered him with coldness, and he stoped. I never pretended to be his friend, why he suddenly decided that he is my friend. I told him, that I m paying him for his services, why doesn't he think he should pay for mine. So, he was trying to lure me into giving him free services by pretending to be my friend. I think your guys is just all pretend. He is flirting with you and then raises his prices? I don't think so. I wish for you to fire him and find someone more decent. But be sure not become " friends" with the next one.
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A
female
reader, Tisha-1 +, writes (16 July 2012):
 Time for a new trainer. Get one who is professional and don't cross the line into flintiness. Maybe find a female one?
Then you can date him if that's how it's going, only you won't have that irritation that you are paying him.
If the relationship ends, well, then he's a creepy personal trainer who should not have crossed that line. Sorry you are upset, I can see why you are confused but now is the time to change the status quo.
I'd drop him, personally, tell him that you are developing feelings beyond trainer/client level, tell him you want to see him as the boyfriend he's become and that you need to put the financial employer/employee situation out of the equation.
It may not be pretty but you'll at least know exactly where you stand then. Good luck.
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A
female
reader, So_Very_Confused +, writes (16 July 2012):
do you see him outside of training sessions?
just because he flirts with you during sessions does not mean anything.
so what I'm getting from you is that you hired him as a trainer... the sessions go well, you talk intimately and flirt during the sessions....
what do you mean "he treats me like a girlfriend?"
he takes you out for meals?
he takes you clubbing?
you're having sex?
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (15 July 2012): I'm the OP.
It has crossed the line beyond friendship by both of us being flirty with each other and by him using sexual innuendo often in our conversations together. He has been treating me like his girlfriend and still expects me to pay him more money! Absurd!!!!!
I should have stated that in my first post.
Maybe now you can see why I am pissed about it.
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A
female
reader, IamJess  +, writes (15 July 2012):
 I think he's genuinely had to put his prices up for a reason, not to make you feel like this like he's not been a friend, he must of put your price lower for the friend rates, but he still has to make a profit out of this, business is business, and whether your friend or not you should respect he can't give you it for free basically, he does do this for a living and needs the money obviously. You need to respect where he's coming from.
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A
female
reader, Honeypie +, writes (15 July 2012):
 That fact that you are friend with your trainer doesn't mean he has to train you for free or whatever low price YOU want to pay.
Being a trainer is his JOB, what the clients pay is his salary.
And yes, you can be friends even if money change hands. I had a personal trainer for a good 5 months, and we became good friend after 4 months I was good to do the things on my own, so I don't use her "ability" as a trainer no more, we chat at the gym, but she doesn't train me anymore, and we go out for coffee and chat often.
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A
female
reader, BondGirl72 +, writes (15 July 2012):
 Sorry to say, but he is in a business and business has nothing to do with the friendship. He is raising his rates because he feels it a necessary part of his business. If you don't want to patronize his business, then don't, but that doesn't mean you should drop him as a friend. You didn't pay for his friendship, you paid for his services which he gladly gave you. While you were receiving his services, you obviously became friends. I am not even sure where you are coming from as the man has to make a living and live his life. He can't give away his services for free. And, he can't give friends special favors or he would go broke.
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A
female
reader, So_Very_Confused +, writes (15 July 2012):
Did the relationship start out as friends or did you become friends after he became your trainer?
IF you have paid him all along then his rates go up and you have to pay them too. he already told you he's not raising you as much as his other clients...
I have a friend who part time writes web pages for folks for money... it's not his primary profession but he makes $100 per hour doing it. We were friends BEFORE he became my webmaster. I still OFFER to pay him... he refuses but early on when I was more solvent than he is, he would let me feed him and buy his groceries as payment. Now that we are both in better shape and I offer to pay he refuses.
BUT we were friends FIRST.... to me that's partially a key distinction.
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A
female
reader, person12345 +, writes (15 July 2012):
 You're blowing this waaaay out of proportion. You can be friends with your personal trainer, but he is running a business. He already said he's even giving you a discount, there isn't much more to even think about than that. If he doesn't raise prices for you, he's taking a loss. If you are expecting him to lose money to provide you services, you're being a pretty bad friend yourself.
I'll put it this way, say you moved in with a friend and the rent went up. Would you honestly expect her not to raise your rent just because she's your friend?
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A
male
reader, no nonsense Aidan +, writes (15 July 2012):
You’re being silly! Training is his profession, if he needs to charge more money from his clients then that’s what he’s going to do, and if he has indeed reduced the size of the price increase for you then perhaps you should be a little more grateful. If you’d expect him to charge you so much less that he couldn’t make a profit, it’s you that’s expecting too much. Get over it and pay up, or find another trainer!
I wish you all the very best.
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A
female
reader, Aunty BimBim  +, writes (15 July 2012):
 He runs a business, and you are his client. Sometimes it is necessary for businesses to put their prices up to cover their ever increasing costs. Sometimes businesses have a 'special price' for family, friends and good customers, in Australia this is known as 'mates rates".
The relationship between trainer and client is quite intimate because it is one on one, it would be difficult to keep it strictly on an impersonal basis.
Your trainer is running a business, and recognises the friendship by offering you cheaper rates. Its your choice whether you accept those rates or end the business relationship between the two of you and go elsewhere.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (15 July 2012): Look, your personal trainer is there for you in a professional capacity first, friend second. If he starts playing favorites with everyone he'll be broke. You demanding a lower price because of the friendship is not fair because he makes a living that way. I am friends with my hairdresser. I still pay her to do my hair. I don't expect her to lower her rates for me. Also, you expecting him to lower his prices for you can also be looked at as using that friendship to your own advantage. From his perspective the post would say "she's just being nice to me so she can get lower prices."
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