A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:Hello, I have a quick question to ask - I have a friend, and we were together two years ago. We dont live in the same country - I have met him for about 3 weekends within a year - but everyday we chat and call each other up. I would say he is one of my closet friends and althouh what we had never worked out - I am happy that he is my friend. I now have a bf which he knows about. And, at firt he was very jelous about this and used to be quite nasty about my bf always making fun of him etc and saying that he will never satisfy me like he used to. And, if i am honest too, when he got involved with someone for a brief while too - i was jelous. I love my boyfriend with all my heart, I honestly do. But, I have always had a soft spot for this man also as I have known him for 5 years and he is a best friend to me. But, Ive always called him a player, I do this in a joking sense and he always denies it and i believe that he hasnt got a line up of girls as when i call, he answers. when i text, he will reply. if i ask him to go on cam - no matter what time of the day it is, he will. so i know that there is no one else. But, lately he has been adding really young girls on facebook - he is 47 and these girls are still at school and are 16. and he has made up various of accounts like twitter and bebo and chats to girls on there all the time. He alSO sent me a conversation he had with his ex by accident and i read some of it and he said that it is nothing and that he will never meet her - but, in his conversation he said he is.a few months ago, he told me he loved me and that he wanted a future with me and children and that we can try again at our relationship. I said i loved him too but love my bf more and i dont trust him. he said we could work on the trust issues and i said no, that he is just a friend to me now.he has told me a number of times that he wants a family (not with me specifically but in general) so much and he knows the time clock is ticking - and when we last met (as friends) he said he cant speak about kids as he will get emotional about it - he said he will give his right arm to have one. I want him to meet the "one" and to settle down and to have everything that he wants. but, i see him chattin to exs, random girls online and young girls at school and i get quite jelous but also concerned. We havent spoken in two days - i think he knows that i am not happy about the ex conversation.he texts me every morning saying good morning etc but he did not do that today as i didnt reply yesterday. i am due to meet him again in decemeber and at first i couldnt wait, and we did a count down - and we have made plans as to what we are going to do, but now, i feel disgusted at him and hurt - i have no right to ask or question him as he is single and not my bf, but, i just want to know if he really did mean that he loves me and do i really have a place in his heart - he said if i didnt have a bf he would ask me straight back out and he said that he didnt realise what he had with me til i was gone. I just want to know if i am just another girl who he chats to everyday like the rest of them. I know I have no right asking for anyones advice but should I do? ps i am not asking for advice to get with this guy, ever. but why am i hurt? do i meet him and tell him my concern - or do i just leave him be.thank you
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female
reader, Staceily  +, writes (12 November 2012):
 I also meant to add that your ex feeds your ego. Not that you are egotistical, but he makes you feel good and special. If he talked the same way to others then it would mean you aren't as great as he has built you up to be. He makes you feel good about yourself. It's understandable that anyone would like to have that and makes sense. But now it's up to your boyfriend to be the one who builds you up. The pseudo relationship with your ex can't last forever, your ex will move on or your boyfriend will catch on to how deep the conversations really go.
A
female
reader, Staceily +, writes (12 November 2012):
You are still quite attached to this man. To be honest I find it very unfair to your boyfriend. Even if you havent actually acted on anything you are doing something wrong, cheating emotionally. Talking to an ex about how much he loves you and how you feel about him getting into other relationships isn't right. Talking to an ex every day isn't right either. There is a lot more here than friendship and it's pretty unfair to your boyfriend.
That's the answer to why you feel the way you do and worry if you are special to your ex. Because you are still attached to him. You like him, you aren't with him because of practical reasons but you still want him there. You want his love and devotion. When you think he is talking to his ex or young girls you wonder if you really are special to him or just another girl, you want to be his special one and it hurts when you feel you aren't. But all of this is very unhealthy. This is how you should feel towards your boyfriend. You should want to be your boyfriend's one and only, not your ex. For one because you are in a relationship, but two because your ex shouldn't have a one and only who doesn't want him.... See you aren't friends. You are in some pseudo relationship with each other. Friends aren't jealous of each other's partners. Friends don't need reassurance that they are special and different from the other girls.
If you truly love your boyfriend you need to drop your ex altogether because this "friendship" isn't right. How would you feel if your boyfriend felt terrible because his ex didn't find him to be special? His ex has told him she loves him many times? And your boyfriend talked to his ex every single day saying good morning? Or had a countdown to the next time he gets to see her? You would think he probably isn't all that into you at all and feel pretty shitty. You need to make a choice and commit to one man because this isn't fair to either one of them.
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