A
male
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:I'm a 19 year old guy.I've assumed I was gay since I was about 13. I tried to fight it at first because there was a stigma to being gay, but eventually I grew to accept it and had gay relationships and it really wasn't an issue anymore.But now I'm confused. There's a girl who has shown a lot of interest in me (she doesn't know I'm gay) and actually, I think I'm becoming more and more attracted to her. I'm always thinking about her, and get that butterfly feeling whenever she texts me, and even lately, thinking of her, turns me on, and I think about sexual stuff with her.So I'm really confused, is this just a phase? Is she just a one off girl, or am I becoming more straight/bi???
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female
reader, So_Very_Confused  +, writes (12 March 2013):
 person12345 is exactly correct...sexuality is fluid.
while I consider myself bisexual I have not had any female sexual contact since December 2010. Not because I'm not attracted to women, but because I'm currently in a monogamous marriage with a man and choose not to have other partners.
So to the world I look every bit the "straight" married female.... labels mean very little.
A
male
reader, no nonsense Aidan +, writes (12 March 2013):
This doesn’t mean you’re necessarily becoming less gay, more bi, more straight, in fact more or less anything.
The reality is that, like a previous poster has eloquently said, what’s interesting is why we use labels. I think it’s in part because society expects us to-I should know if I am straight, gay or whatever and be able to tell others so that they know which camp I fall in to. I think we also use these labels to help make sense of our own sexuality, not least because change, doubt or uncertainty can be unsettling as you’re finding out.
But it’s true that sexuality is more fluid than these labels and strict categorisations suggest. Maybe you will find another label you’re more comfortable with over time. But right now this isn’t what you should be thinking of, just go with it if it feels right, even if it is with a girl who you’ve developed feelings for.
I wish you all the very best.
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A
female
reader, llifton +, writes (11 March 2013):
 well you're still young. you may not be fully aware of your sexuality just yet. in fact, it wasn't until i was the age you are now that i finally realized i WAS gay. i also had girlfriends who dated women until their early twenties before realizing they were into men and now are married and have babies. it takes time and experience/experimenting to figure out what does it for you. and even with that, sometimes, it's still not so black and white.i don't think you have to think of it so one way or the other. this girl does it for you and you have feelings for her. awesome! that's great! it doesn't make you straight and it doesn't make you gay. it makes you HUMAN. i think we try so hard to put labels on everything, and not everything can be so easily summed up. human sexuality is definitely one of those things.i know it can be shocking because you've self-identified as gay for so many years, that this feels so different and strange. don't let it freak you out. just go with it and see how it turns out. maybe you're like some of my exes who realized they were in fact "straight" later on in life.just some examples on how human sexuality is never so cut and dry like we try to think it is:1. i have a good friend from college who only dated women her ENTIRE life. she called me about a year ago at the age of 27, telling me she met this man and was really falling for him. she slept with him and enjoyed it and everything. it didn't wind up working out and now she's back to women.2. my other female friend used to date guys when she was younger from about age 15-18. then she started having feelings for women. she only dated women from the age of 18-21. now she's back to seeing men AND women. she doesn't know what she is. she just knows she's attracted to the person, not the appendage. lol.3. my ex girlfriend only dated women her whole life. now she's 24 and has started sleeping with men in the last couple of months. she doesn't know where she stands now. says she's attracted to both.4. the last example is my girlfriend. she'd never been with a woman before until me and she's 22 (yeah, i'm that awesome lol). at first, it made me uncomfortable because i wanted so badly for her to label herself for my own comforts sake. for some reason, i wanted her to say that she was gay and just didn't know it all this time because i was afraid she'd leave me for a man and i was just a phase. well that was a long time ago, and now i realize that she doesn't know her sexuality. and she doesn't have to. she loves people for who they are, not for what gender they are. and i know that for as long as she's with me, and i make her happy, she WON'T look to be with anyone else; man or woman. and if we break up, it's a possibility she may date a guy. but that doesn't bother me at all. i know she loves me and is happy with me. what else can i ask for?anyway, sorry about all the ranting. i guess my whole point in all of this is to tell you to try not to worry so much about labels. you don't have to label yourself. just love people for who they are and be attracted to people because they're good people, not because of what sex organs they have. love has no boundries. and we only limit ourselves when we try to label ourselves one way or another. we shut off so much potential for love when we do this. anyway, just relax and roll with the punches.are you still gay? who knows. are you straight? who knows. who cares?? lol. hope this helps.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (11 March 2013): Hey I study gender and sexuality in Performing Arts at uni, and one of the things I found really interested was why we actually feel the need to label and define ourselves through sexuality - I think it mainly comes from pressure to society.Anyway, just go with the flow and like the other answerer said do not worry about 'labelling' it. Try not to worry about the fact she is a girl - if you fancy her then that's fine, maybe you're just finding out more about yourself. It could be that you're bisexual (some bisexuals are attracted to one sex more than the other,) and it could be that you're gay but just confused. Don't worry it doesn't matter what your 'label' is, judge it by your feelings to her! And see what will happen, God bless :)
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A
male
reader, CMMP +, writes (11 March 2013):
Go with it. There is too many variations in sexuality to have labels that apply to everyone. Just see where it takes you. I'm what I would consider 100% straight and would never consider sexual contact with a man (but I'm not afraid to give a new years kiss or something). HOWEVER I occasionally meet guys who I find myself somewhat attracted to. Inexplicably to be honest because I have no desire to be with them in any way.
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A
female
reader, person12345 +, writes (11 March 2013):
 Sexuality is very fluid and no one really exists in strict binaries. Just do whatever makes you happy without worrying too much about the label. You could certainly be mostly gay but find one or two women attractive.
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