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female
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*inxlet
writes: Hi,I broke up with my bf of 18 months cos I felt he was taking me for granted and thought he would fight for me. He chased for 1 week and then it backfired in my face and I ended up begging him back.I know he loves me and if I didnt break up with him we woud still be together now. I haven't gone 4 days without an excuse to contact him.If I stop contacting him and stay silent do you think he wil panic and want me back? Help!
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (15 November 2005): How old are you? You really shouldnt be dating anyone. Behavior like yours is a menace- now one more guy thinks women are crazy...
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female
reader, R-U-Needy +, writes (15 November 2005):
Looks like the guy decided this is too much work. If you want a real, adult relationship rather than a Harlequin fantasy, you will have to mature past the 'fight for me' stage. It all boils down to what you really want: a knight in shining armour (they exist, but when you actually get one, they're not as exciting up close because invariably they're probably more desperate than you are... some turn-on), OR do you want a man who will value you for yourself?Please think about this: when a man feels connected to a woman in a potentially permanent way, he doesn't want to have to keep impressing her over and over. He'd like to know you love him, and have that established so that he can get on with his other priorities like work, his buddies, and his own quiet time. When the woman in question won't allow him to relax because she wants his attention and proof he loves her, he gets worn out VERY QUICKLY.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (7 November 2005): Dear Thwarted-Strategist:
I don't know your age or his, but I do know that if you can't trust him to appreciate you without playing 'hard-to-get', it's probably that you're expecting someone to be on the same emotional level you are.
Be a woman, not a tease. I don't blame him for withdrawing: that sort of behaviour does not honour either of you, and is an insult to his intelligence. You say he 'took you for granted'. Why is that bad? Look at it: if he's so relaxed about being with you that he doesn't see the need to continually try to impress you, it's GOOD! Trust is precious. You've managed to ruin his, so why on earth would he make any effort to be with you?
I realize you were operating on the 'want what you can't have' theorem, but it only works with non-thinking organisms.
One would hope you're beyond that. If you're not, tho', would you recommend to a good (platonic) male friend that someone (like you) is right for him?
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reader, I Dont Lie +, writes (29 September 2005):
 Well said Bev!
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female
reader, Bev Conolly  +, writes (29 September 2005):
 Silly mind games do not make for a strong relationship!
Stop trying to anticipate ways that you can trick him into acting a certain way. Is he a trained seal? No. He's your boyfriend, and you should be treating him with the same respect and care that you'd want under the circumstances.
First things first: STOP playing games. Ask yourself, "what do I want here?" If you want him back - and remember, if you say Yes, then you mean back as the person he is, not on the condition that you can change him - then you apologise to him and start acting like an adult.
Frankly, my dear, you sound too young and silly to be in any sort of a serious relationship with anyone. I can understand why your ex doesn't want anything more to do with you. He doesn't want to have his head messed around any more by someone who isn't really sure what she wants. Do you blame him?
Decide what you want. Decide if the way he acts and the person that he is at this minute is the person you want to be with. If not, do the only logical thing and let this sad, pathetic game die. He's not your toy, and you don't have the right to try to manipulate him into "chasing" you or trying to make him "panic".
He is who he is. Accept that, apologise, ask for another chance and don't blow it, or move on.
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