A
female
age
,
*illy57
writes:I have been with my partner 14 years he is 44 I am 57. we lived together for 9 years then went through problems and decided to part. he got his own place and I stayed in mine. after a month or so we decided that we couldnt live with eachother or without each other, so we decided to stay in own own places but carry on as a normal couple spending each weekend and spare time together. from about february this year he decided that he didnt want to come at weekends or spend time with me telling me he was tired me fool believed it anyway he started talking about a woman at work who is married and how they got on as friends and nothing else. I started to get suspicious anyway 30th march he came round and caused a row I told him that it was over.I was sick and tired of him using me. anyway a few days went by and he texeted me and told me that he had big problems. then I found out this woman was staying at his place, he told me that she had had problems withher husband and he was just letting her stay there to help her out this I believed then he came to see me and tolfd me she had gone back to her husband which was a lie but he did say that he wanted us to be together.I took this that he wanted me back in his life. Never heard from him for a week then he tells me she is still there but nothng going on. which I do not believe. then he starts texting me telling me that he loves me still. and he was texting all day. anyway the long and short of it all is that she is still there and up till monday he was still texting me. I do think he might be going through a midlife crisis. even though he has lived on his own for the past five years I have still done everything for him as though we were living together. shopping, cleaning, paying bills for him etc. since monday I have not heard from him. I still love him very much he is my soul mate and best friend we have always done everything together. I have decided that when he gets in touch again am going to do the no contact thing with him is this the right way to go. He is a funny bloke and he is the type that likes everything his way so went the honeymoon period is over this woman is in for a big shock. also the womans husband has been causoing trouble round at his place what are my chances of him coming back I cannot eat sleep or do anything I am totally in a turmoil please help me
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female
reader, TELLULAH +, writes (23 May 2008):
 I totally agree with the other ladies. Long and short of it is! He is no good for you, and is using you when it suit's him. Dont let this happen, be strong and get rid of him. I dont mean to scare you, but if he can do this now, what will he do in the future. You are a little older than him, and I would put a bet on it that if you dont get hurt now, it will be a lot worse later on.
Bite the bullit babe and ditch him now. You deserve so much better XX
A
female
reader, Deema +, writes (23 May 2008):
 Its very sad because you seemed to have got it quite good when you were living apart but getting together. That was mature and adult. But what he's doing now is not. He's having a lovely time - one woman doing all his shopping, cleaning, etc., and the other woman presumably having sex - he's got it all laid out for him - just how most men would like it I reckon - 2 women on the go and no responsibility to either of them. Then along comes hubbie no. 2 to get his woman back and suddenly he's crying on your shoulder. Look love, you don't need him, you live on your own and you're absolutely fine - you know that yourself, you're just not seeing it at the moment cus you're thinking with your emotions. Try to detach from him completely and get your head straight. Go away for the weekend or a couple of days - anywhere - and get things in perspective, then you'll se clearly what YOU want to do. We can all give our opinions, but its you that has to deal with this, and you can only do it when you are ready, whether we think now is the right time or not. its what YOU think that matters. So take a break, don't see him or talk to him for a few days, get stronger, and THEN decide what your next action will be. Right now you're giving him your power. You need to take that back. By letting this continue you are saying he's better than you - and he's not. He's not God's gift to women, he's just a bloke. See him as that. Then see yourself as a Goddess who deserves to be fed grapes while she's laying on her chaise longue :)))) cus thats what you are. Kind of puts things in perspective already dont it? Good luck hun. You deserve better.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (23 May 2008): You say he is your soul mate and your best friend, sorry, but clearly he isnt. You say you are still in love with him yet this has happened, sorry to be so blunt but i would kick him in the crutch! He is messing with your head big time and you are letting this happen!!! He has another woman stay with him and still you want to be with him, where are your moral and your dignity. You should of kept out of his life and mess then, let him clean up his own crap!! This other woman is married, this is some mess. Just walk away now and stop waiting for him to make up his mind whether he 'wants' you or not, have some pride. KEEP AWAY! Any bloke would love some like you, running about after them and doing all that stuff and being available for them when they call, stop it now.
Walk away with your head held high.
take care
xx
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