A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:Hey guys, I know there are a million breakup questions already posted but I'm feeling so down in the dumps. My boyfriend and I of over 2 years broke up today. He's in the Marine corps and is stationed across the country. I thought things were going well, we've talked about marriage and children and wanting a life together when he's done (which is only a year or less). Things have been different lately, he started ignoring my calls and texts and became very distant. He called me early this morning and said it was over. He said I was too good for him and I know where I'm going in life. I argued with him that I really don't have a clear direction and he was being ridiculous, that I'm not too good for him. He said he's been wanting to break up for weeks and that every call and text he got from me made him feel sick to his stomach. It hurts beyond belief that I could make him feel this way. He told me he never loved me like I loved him. I also have to add that a short 2 months ago he was asking me to give up college and move to Hawaii and marry him in May after I finished the semester. I can't understand how things can go from marriage to not wanting to be with me. The only thing we've ever really fought about is lack of communication but other than that we had a great relationship, or so I thought. He wanted to move after he gets out and I told him I'd be willing to pack up and go with him. He said he can't live with knowing I sacrificed my life to follow him when he doesn't have a plan and he would grow to regret even meeting me. I'm heartbroken. I had my heart set on this man and thought we were perfect for each other. He said that if he ever got his life together that maybe we could be together. I lost my boyfriend and my best friend. I don't know how to move on. I want to call him but I know I can't. No break up has ever hurt the way this has and I don't know how to heal.
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female
reader, Dorothy Dix  +, writes (16 May 2012):
Hi there. He might feel a little threatened by the fact you know where you are going in your life, whereas he has no sense of where he's going at all.
Perhaps he is scared by the idea of not having some direction in his life.
He might see that as a failing of sorts, and believe that it wouldn't be good for you.
He obviously has the old school thinking that a lot of men have, that he should be able to provide for you and support you in life as his wife.
That's not an entirely bad thing, you know.
It proves he cares about those important things in life.
He also doesn't want you to make the HUGE sacrifice of moving away from your family to be with him and set up house in another state altogether, also leaving your friends behind and possibly your dream career.
That could and possibly would, lead to resentment by you towards him, and a complete lack of satisfaction in your own life - while his life hardly changed at all.
Can you see how that could be?
And clearly, he doesn't want you to be having that dreadful feeling of lost opportunities and broken dreams.
And you would regret it for the rest of your life and be forever wondering - "What if ...?"
Would you really want that for yourself? Probably not.
For him to think that way is very considerate of your feelings, I believe.
The main problem really, is the distance and time you are away from each other on a constant basis.
If you did decide to move to be with him, at what cost would it be?
This probably is the real question you need to consider.
I don't believe it's about a lack of commitment on his part, but more his consideration of how you would feel if you didn't follow your intended path in life.
You wouldn't want to live your life, feeling full of regrets for what might have been.
It's sometimes a case of looking at the bigger picture.
Even though for now, it doesn't seem that it is meant to be, it doesn't mean that in a year or more once he is out of the Marines, that it couldn't work out well for you then.
You just never know.
If you an him are truly meant to be together, well then in time you will be.
It seems though, that that time has not yet come.
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