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age
30-35,
anonymous
writes: So currently I am in a LDR with a girl whom I share feelings for. We have been talking to each other for well over what's going to be months already. Throughout this relationship I have always been willing to send pictures and to want to skype and such with this girl. Yet everytime that I try to make an advance towards the situation I am almost always shoshot down. Her response is that she is self concious. Ok, so I give her time to relax and to get into her own comfort zone. Thing is and I already am awware of this is that I've sent her pic tty res of myself. No no not the naughty ones thankfully lol. It's just I'm thinking that this is very catfish like behavior I believe. Tell me I'm wrong no? I feel like I'm going crazy and it's getting to the point where I feel like I am going to have to pry it out of her to get to see a picture. Which is of course what I don't want to do. Against All Odds she will send her picture to everyone but me. She's not ready or she doesn't feel it's the right time. Am I going crazy? Help me please I need advice on what to do. Reply to this Question
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female
reader, maverick494  +, writes (3 January 2015):
I'm going against the stream here for a bit. Catfish behavior to me is sending a picture of a really pretty girl and then refusing to do video calls or to meet up. This person could truly be very self conscious about their looks or just be wary of the internet. And talking to you at a distance is comfortable and safe. That said, she should thaw after a bit of time. How long have you been in contact? If it's only been a short while, give it time. Not everyone is a fan of facebook or instagram.
You can get most of your clues about whether she is who she claims to be from the way they write. Women just talk differently online than men. Also, older people tend to be more formal in their writing style, maybe using words that aren't mainstream anymore. Look out for that.
And you know, be honest with her. Tell her that you've been enjoying the exchanges but that you've seen Catfish and you don't want to get attached to someone who might not at all be who they say they are. Tell her you're finding her refusals to meet up or to send a picture odd. If strangers in the grocery store are allowed to see her face, why not you? If meeting up seems like a scary prospect to her, propose to meet in a public space and tell her to bring a friend so she feels safe and comfortable.
If she then responds with vague dismissals, end the communication. it's not worth getting invested in someone who might be a fabrication.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (1 January 2015): It does sound catfish , so why don't you surprise her and tell her ur in her part of town n wud love to meet see what she says then , obviously you don't actually go ur jusst calling her out see what excuses she gives n if she says she's waiting n where r u u make an excuse n tell her u don't know the area well n ur in the wrong part of town
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female
reader, YouWish +, writes (1 January 2015):
 I smell a catfish too. After months and in this technology age, you should be video chatting by now.
Listen to Honeypie! The first thing I thought of was what you told this person about you. The more personal you get, the easier it is to steal your identity because people tend to use passwords that have to do with their personal life (i.e. mother's maiden name, pets, birthdays, kids' names), not to mention gaining access to your Facebook or other social media.
If she truly is self-conscious, then she has no business developing relationships online. Do you know her first and last name? Have you verified HER identity? It's not that hard! Pinging someone on your computer or looking up the headers on an email are simple things to see whether or not she is where she says she is. People have an internet presence that can be traced. If you find a lot of dead ends, and especially if she hasn't told you who she is, then it's definitely a catfish.
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female
reader, Honeypie +, writes (1 January 2015):
 I have to agree. Sending a picture shouldn't be a big deal. Most folk have SEVERAL posted on their social network pages (like Facebook) so sending you one of those would be easy.
I think, the person you "think" you are in a LDR with is NOT who he/she claims to be. And I'd very weary giving ANY personal details.
Be careful. And maybe consider ONLY dating people you ACTUALLY get to see/meet.
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reader, anonymous, writes (1 January 2015): NO...you're not crazy! Absolutely not! She (or whatever gender this person is) won't send pictures; because the person on the other end is not what she(?) represents herself(?) to be. "She" could be a man, an 80-year old woman; or just about anybody stringing you along. Totally disconnect and never contact that troll again. If she's so self-conscious, that in itself says she's(?) got big psychological-issues.
I recommend that you don't attach your heart to people you've never seen or met. That's an imaginary-relationship, and you deserve much more and better than that. The internet is saturated with creeps and scams.
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female
reader, RubyBirtle  +, writes (1 January 2015):
Sorry, I'm going to agree with Chi-girl. When something similar happened to me, it turned out the person I was conversing with was not the gender they had claimed when they first made contact with me. Fortunately for me, I'd picked up on some other signs too and had strong suspicions that this was a faker and only maintained contact until he tripped himself up in his lies.
Have you actually spoken with this girl and heard her voice? If not and all your communication is via text and email, I would be very suspicious by now that this might be a faker.
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female
reader, chigirl  +, writes (1 January 2015):
 She is probably not a she. Real people who ate sincere do not have a problem showing a pic of themselves. Shes a fake.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (1 January 2015): Sorry, but this is not a relationship. You haven't even seen her let alone met her! That's a fantasy. Arrange to meet, or stop talking to her otherwise it'll only end very badly
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female
reader, MSA +, writes (1 January 2015):
 I'm also in a long distance relationship. When I first met my boyfriend, he was in the chatroom flirting with all the girls. He would ask everyone for a pic of themselves lol... He was also very open about posting his own picture, he used his picture as his profile pic in the public chatroom when everyone used cartoons or scenery as profile pics.
Some people are more open about sharing photos while others are quite private about it. My question would be, why do you need to see my picture? Would you stop talking to me if I looked ugly or fat? What if I'm not in my 20's but rather an old grannie. Would you still enjoy chatting with me?
It may just take a little time for her to be comfortable in sharing pics with you.
Now, my boyfriend and I send selfies to each other all the time. We also Facetime, which might be a better alternative to sending pictures.
Give it some time. Good Luck!
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