A
female
age
36-40,
*exi suga
writes:Hi guys.. I've just come back from a weekend break with my bf of 2 years but it's the first time I've felt completely broke at the thought that maybe our love has faded. We have been arguing alot recently about things such as his need for checking out women and going stags/stripper parties and it's really put a strain on us. After this weekend I feel that he doesn't find me sexually attractive nor even attractive anymore. We spoke about this but he said I was being silly. I have a high sex drive and am adventurous but I enjoy the art of sex whereas he doesn't as much... he's more into foreplay and no sex... considering we don't live together over this weekend we had sex 3 times which I always initiated. I just don't feel sexually attractive to him and the fact that he is checking out other women and going stags just seems like he doesn't want me or doesn't enjoy sex anymore... we have spoken but he always brushed me off and just says it's silly etc. I feel the only reason he wants to be with me is as he knows I'll be a good wife, who looks after him and can run a house/ kids. I feel I love him more than I should and more than he loves me and it really hurts.. we talk all the time and are inseparable most times but this is really upsetting me. Ive become clingy and needy as I feel he doesn't love me or find me sexually attractive or even fancy me anymore hence he's checking out other women etc. I think he feels suffocated by me now and I'm struggling to know what to do next... I feel his love for me has faded but everytime I say we should break up he puts up a fight for me and always makes me see how much he loves me... I just feel that the only reason he is still here and continues to be here is as we've had some amaizng times, our families/ friends have met and he knows in the long run I'll be a good wife and mother... he feels I'm psycho atm as I'm not with him and I know he wants to get married but I've said to him I'm Not ready... please give me some insight... doesn't he like sec woth me/ finds me ugly/ thinks I'm crazy so can't satisfy me.. I just don't know what is going through his mind and he never tells me as he thinks I have an anger problem due to our recent fight about him looking at other women
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (4 April 2016): Sorry, but you come across as being very needy and hard work. He is a person in his own right and he has not been put on this planet to constantly serve you. Have you ever asked him what he wants? What he Is in the mood for? Do his personal feelings ever pass through your thoughts? Stop thinking you are the center of the universe.
A
male
reader, eddie85  +, writes (4 April 2016):
 Sorry to hear that you are going through this.
Around this stage in one's relationship you really start to get a real sense of whether you are meant to be -- or not. The fact that he appears not to be sexually into you and is looking for other opportunities to get away might mean this is as good as its going to get. The fact that your high sex drive isn't being met, could also be a sign that your emotional needs aren't being taken into account either.
The fact that you are coming off as "psycho" means that whatever you are communicating to him, isn't being understood or at least recognized.
Sex isn't everything in a relationship but for you it appears to be a big deal. Was he ever more "into it". Is this a recent change? Has your sex life become mundane? He may be seeking variety because he is bored.
As far as him going to stag parties. If you have a problem with this, in my opinion, you do have a right to say no to it. Usually other antics go on there that aren't appropriate for guys in committed relationships.
Guys do check out women. I hate to break it to you but we are wired to look at women and evaluate whether they are hot or not. What makes the difference between a "keeper" and a guy looking to sow his oats is how they process that information. If I keep to myself and enjoy the "view" that's one thing. But if I am embarrassing you, as my mate or acting on my impulse, then that's quite another action.
Either way, your relationship does sound volatile and I think it is time for you to ask yourself, "do we really get along". Are you there because you love him, or because you hope he'll change or because you've invested 2 years? I think it is time to take stock of your situation and see if this is going in the direction you want it to.
Eddie
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (3 April 2016): I don't know if it's over or not. All relationships have their ups and downs... this could be just a tough period.But if as a rule you are not sexually compatible and are doing nothing to solve this, well, that's a deal-breaker. Maybe he has lower sex drive or maybe he's not attracted to you anymore.It could be both.I suggest you focus on yourself. Treat your body with respect. Eat a healthy diet and exercise. Go through your wardrobe. Get rid of stuff you don't like/wear anymore. If you can afford it buy something new. Go to a hairdresser's, do your nails or whatever that makes you feel good about yourself ... but... do it for yourself and not him!Work on you self-confidence. Put yourself first and question yourself. What is it that you need and want? This is not selfish it's just knowing oneself.Everything else will fall into place. With or without him.
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A
male
reader, Sageoldguy1465 +, writes (3 April 2016):
 This:...
"After this weekend I feel that he doesn't find me sexually attractive nor even attractive anymore. We spoke about this but he said I was being silly. I have a high sex drive and am adventurous but I enjoy the art of sex whereas he doesn't as much... he's more into foreplay and no sex... considering we don't live together over this weekend we had sex 3 times which I always initiated."
..."tells" me that any "relationship" what you had (or, thought you had) with this guy is over and done....
Move on...
Good luck...
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A
female
reader, wrathykins +, writes (3 April 2016):
 You need to get a grip and CALM DOWN!Good god, why on earth are you pushing him away?! After 2 years together, things are never as wild as they once were. It's part of a long term relationship.And him going on stag parties is NOTHING to do with you or how he feels about you. It's about his friend getting married! You are going to lose him if you keep telling him he doesn't fancy you, he doesn't love you etc. It seems to me that all of this is in you're head, and you need to try and calm yourself and think that. He puts up a fight everytime you suggest breaking up. He obviously loves you. Are you trying to push him away because it's you who isn't happy? I don't think the love has faded. It just gets comfortable. This reminds me so much of myself it's crazy. I had a traumatic experience as a child and had loads of issues that I would take out on my ex. I would literally go NUTS if he glanced at another woman, always accusing him of not loving me, not being interested, always feeling disgustingly ugly. I was just so angry all the time. I went to counselling and I got better and stopped acting like that. Maybe it's something you should consider?
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