A
male
age
36-40,
*olinky
writes:To give some information on things, me and my gf have been together for about 8 months now and we live about an hour away from eachother. She has a lot of guy friends, and I have some girls that are friends too. Things have been going really well also so far, but now here is the situation.She has some guy work friends that she parties with and guy friends she likes to go out and drink with. I have absolutely no problem with this. Now one night we had a random discussion about limits in a relationship and so on. It came up about how she would still go over to a "buddies" house, get drunk with them and stay the night, just them 2, and how it's going to be happening soon (Since she is planning a night with her guy friend). I told her that it would bother me if she did that but she thinks that's ridiculous, because she "would never, ever, do anything with them", and she would choose that over me, she wouldn't "stop her life" for me.Now to my knowledge she hasn't done this while I've been with her (But probably never bothered to tell me since she thinks it's completely fine). I don't think I'm being completely unreasonable here. She has been friends with them for years, and has drank with them alone and stayed the night many times before. But I feel that out of respect she shouldn't, now that she is in a relationship.I'm not asking her to drop her guy friends at all, just not them 2 alone getting drunk and her staying the night. These guys are also single, and not gay or anything like that. I've never met these guy friends either (I have met some of her other ones) but to me it wouldn't matter either way.It's just that I would never go over to a friends house that was a girl, get drunk with her and stay over night out of respect for my gf. I think my gf wants the best of both worlds, the single life and being in a relationship. Please any advice on this would be much appreciated.Thanks.
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female
reader, k_c100  +, writes (16 March 2009):
 I think you are right in not wanting her to stay the night when it is just the two of them. But she is also right in her thinking that you are being unreasonable, because in her eyes she has done it before, she has been friends with them for years so why stop now? You wouldnt be mad if she stayed at a girl's house, so why get mad if she stays at a friends house who just happens to be male?
I think all this comes down to is a difference in values and opinions, and there is not much you can do. She clearly wont back down on this so it is up to you - either you back down, trust her and hope that you can forget about it. Or you have to end the relationship because she will never change her opinion on this!
Maybe you can comprimise and meet somewhere in the middle. Tell her you are not happy about it as you feel she should stop this behaviour now she is in a relationship. But seen as she wont stop staying over at her male friends houses, and you do trust her, then all you ask is to meet more of her male friends and especially those that she stays over at their houses with. And add in any other things that would put your mind at ease.
This is a difficult one - I'm sure she would not be happy if you stayed over at a single female friends house and got drunk with her! But some girls like your girlfriend are too stubborn to see why you have a problem with this, and I cant see her backing down on this. Now me personally, I have lots of guy friends and hardly any female friends. But I would never stay at their house just the two of us because it can be seen as wrong to some other people and I just wouldnt feel right about it, regardless of whether I was in a relationship or not. But your girlfriend is entitled to her opinion too - maybe you guys are just too different to ever get over this one?
Talk to her about it is the best thing you can do, maybe when she realises how much you would hate it then she might do the right thing.
I hope this helps!
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