A
male
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:Hey i just like ask if im wrong in doing this. Me and my partner been together 13years. When we first met everything was great but now its so hard to just get a kiss or a cuddle from her for example. Last night she went to her pool game just like she does every tuesday and she just jumped into bed asked if i was ok and was kids fine i replied were fine but she turned over went straight to sleep. She hardly does anything in the house she hardly does anything for the kids apart from taking him to school and fetching him from school so theres no reason for been so tired. I do all the house work i tend to all the kids dinners etc i workout 1hour a day and she says shes tired all the time shes acting all distant i try talk to her about this but she just blows up walks away. So in my head im thinking whats going on here so im thinking shes gotta be cheating. So ive tryed talking telling her how i feel just in one ear and out the other ear. Also ive got no friends i dont go out. im shy and quiet i used to do websites and graphics. i used to do gaming but she seems to be very happy knowing ive done all that just to spend time with her more but in just not getting much back from her why?
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female
reader, aunt honesty  +, writes (30 November 2016):
 It sounds to me like you have got stuck in a rut. You spend all your time with the children and doing the house work. Surely you must want to live your life more. You say you have no friends so why not change that, go out at the weekend and meet new people, try new hobbies and get yourself out off the house. Get a babysitter from time to time and take your wife out for a meal and a few drinks.
Your wife may or may not be cheating. But it does sound like she is unhappy. Withholding intimacy shows that. After 13 years things can get in to a rut, are you guys married? Have you discussed marriage? You need to inject romance in to the relationship again, show her you want her. You also need to share the work load as well. Come up with a rota so not everything is left with you, that is unless off course she is working and you are not. In that case it is fair for you to do the cooking and cleaning. But she should still be involved more with her children. I hate to ask but could she be depressed? Does she show signs off being down and not wanting to do anything?
A
male
reader, BrownWolf  +, writes (30 November 2016):
"ive got no friends i dont go out. im shy and quiet"
Do you see anything wrong in your statement above? Note what you wrote about yourself...now look at your wife...
"Last night she went to her pool game just like she does every tuesday"
See anything??
Your wife is active and going out, you don't. When was the last time you took her on a date? When was the last time you did anything with her, one on one, besides complain about not doing things together?
If she is cheating on you, would you say YOU have done all you can to make her want you in every way?
Would you say your actions is enough to push her away?
When you say partner...do you mean married partner? If not...13 years? Really? Afraid of something?
She has been with you 13 years...So if she is looking elsewhere, it normally means her man is not giving her something to look at, or to look forward to when she comes home.
It's not the body she is after...it the passion, compassion, respect, love, kindness....all the things you cannot buy in a store. Give her that, every day, and watch the magic happen.
She is not a man. We can do with little passion in our day to day lives. Women need it more. Need to feel that they are loved every day, all day...and not just when you want sex, or a kiss.
Men want sex from their wives to feel loved. Women want loved to feel the need to have sex. That is how GOD created us...we have to give to receive. That is why he gave men such strong sex drives....to remind us to be kind, loving, and compassionate to the woman, in order for her to give us what we need.
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A
female
reader, Mistercatbean +, writes (30 November 2016):
 What does she say after you share with her how you are feeling? What really needs to happen is for you to sit down and have a SERIOUS conversation with her about how you are feeling. Talk to her about how you are feeling neglected and confused about her behaviour. If it is in one ear and out the other, you really need to emphasize that this is a significant matter for you and for your family. Tell her what you have been observing (not what you assume) and how you've been feeling. Sometimes the sharing of information may not go so well if there are accusing tones or assumptions made. Note that during this talk you shouldn't be assuming she's cheating or accusing her of it. What is important to note is that a) you are feeling she is being distant and b) it is affecting your perspective of the relationship and your ability to be happy in it. Some elements I analyzed from your post were that you commented on her "barely doing anything" for the kids or the house. I would recommend instead of keeping these resentful thoughts about her, discuss how to share the housework and caregiving in a more equitable matter because you are feeling overburdened. You also mentioned you used to do websites and graphics as well as gaming, however it does not seem like you do these anymore. Don't you think you are feeling resentful towards the fact that you are sacrificing these things you enjoy for her? Why not discuss with her those feelings and interest in wanting to dedicate some time to them since they are things you enjoy. From your post I can possibly infer that perhaps you are feeling resentful towards her. She is not doing as much housework as you would like her to and you are dedicating your time away from your hobbies and interests to be with her. She however is acting distant. Don't you think this may be a reflection towards how you are feeling towards her and treating her? Even if you are dedicating all your time to her, it is the quality of your time together that determines relationship happiness rather than quantity. She may be withdrawn because she is unhappy with you and I think by the fact that you were immediately suspicious of her when she became withdrawn, that you are unhappy with her as well. You need to ask her what might be possibly bothering her as well as sharing what has been bothering you as you have shared with us on this site. I wish you good luck. Furthermore, I don't believe someone we love truly and loves us back would want us to COMPLETELY sacrifice the hobbies and interests we enjoy. There are ways to make time for a relationship AND interests.
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