A
male
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:This is really complicated and hard to do as missing important details might get me the wrong advice but here goes. . . .Well I started seeing a girl that I was working with we were both involved with other people at first we were just great friends we made each other laugh so much.Then I stated to get feelings for her and broke of my relationship of 11years I couldnt take the guilt after a while she started to get the same way we and been texting like at least 100 x a day and seeing each other more and more she said she was going to call it off with her bf that week but he found out that night at a family event of hers and it all went crazy.She then said she was confused and never knew what to do also her family were going to make it diffacult for us plus we were now arguing all the time I had enough of it all. She wanted space and I couldnt give it.A few weeks went past and she told me that it wasnt going to work we had to let go but it wasnt as easy as this as we work together. Anyway we did and we tried to get on and move on with our life's.I thought I had made a mistake leaving my ex and went back only realizing after a wk or so that I never loved anyone as much as I did the person I was seeing so had to leave again. My ex was very hurt as you can imagine and i know this was cruel to do but I did, So the ex called her and told her what was going on with us over the past week and even though she said it was over she went crazy and called our boss and got moved to another store also told my ex the everything that had went on with us behind her back. . .this led me to lossing my car my home belongings friends and not getting to see my daughter also the added pressure this had caused at work.Was this because she was hurt or just nasty?She then said not ever to speak to her again she was going back to her ex which I always felt like she would and i felt hurt and lost confused angry that I had believed her when she said she loved me I loved her more than I thought I would ever love anyone. So I sent her bf a letter letting him know the truth about everything that had happend with us, Though it never had the results I expected and they are back together I could still work things out with the ex as well but I cant hurt her anymore its not fair I deserve what I get.After a few weeks she started texting me again saying she miss's me so much and it hurts so much the way we are now, I know how she feels I still love her so much but I am trying to let go. . What does this mean does she want me? Does she just want to have me and her bf?Should I not text her anymore even though I want to?Should I text her and give her space to work out her feelings?I feel like she feels the same way as me but she loves him too is that even possible?If he was enough for her would she still text me if he knew he would go mental?Is it fair what I am doing to him I still love her though?Its all so messed up but I cant get her out my head and she cant clearly get me out of hers what do I do?The only advice people give is stay back from her and thats what people tell her too yet we cant what does that mean?Please try help me make sense of this.
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reader, anonymous, writes (26 August 2009): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionI would really like to thank you all for your comments I think this site is a wonderful thing.I am getting the feeling I should just walk away like you all advise but I feel by doing this that I would be giving up and that what scares her? She has had 6 years with him.Also someone said She could do the same to as she has him but then you could also say the same about me?If she doesn't love and she is in doubt over it why take the risk on even speaking to me? I wouldn't if I truly loved the person I was with.Infatuation prob a little but then I wouldn't give up as much as I have and going back to someone who loves me when I dont love them the same back I would only hurt them again and I cant do that to her again.Maybe I just dont want to here the negative comments about and be blind to the truth?But I would like to think its because we are meant to be we just have to try?Lastly someone said we may argue it about it all the time but the only thing we have really argued over how we managed to hurt each other so much.Does anyone not feel that after all the pain we caused each other yet we still cant walk anyway should that not tell us something?Am I just clutching at straws?
A
female
reader, Renee okc  +, writes (26 August 2009):
Look babe no one needs the drama in there life you deserve to be happy and if she can't make it clear what she wants to do move on you can go nut's by yourself you don't need her adding to the drama. When you have to ask what to do, then you pretty much know what needs to be done move on buddy and heal your heart.
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A
male
reader, sickofgirls4real  +, writes (26 August 2009):
The easy answer is probably the hardest in this case.Walk Away.Besides, what guarentees do you have that once she leaves her boyfriend, whom may I add she loves, because she loves you, she won't fall in "love" again with someone else, and this time you'll be the one getting the news at the family event. If you want to overlook this slim possibility, then you will ... man.. I honestly don't know how this would ever work.How do you stop yourself from bring this stuff up in an arguement? Any of it!
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A
male
reader, Ifyoudontmind +, writes (26 August 2009):
Thats quite the dilemma youve got there friend.
Here is what I would suggest. As males we are prone to what I refer as the B.B.D. The bigger better deal. Keep in mind we are always wondering, even if we are content, happy or in love, what else is out there.
And that very curiosity it what spirals numerous accounts of infidelity. Clearly your ex co-worker is conflicted, perhaps blinded by guilt, and comfort of her current relationship, she is reluctant to let go completely.
Once you have significant time invested, its hard to let go of it all. That being said, Consider both ends of the spectrum. On one hand you have a woman who loves you and you have a child with, and on the other hand you have a potential with nothing in fruition. Is infatuation a factor here? thats the real question.
If it truly is genuine with your co worker, pursue it . Against all odds love prevails. But if she is too reluctant to make a decision, dont allow your self to be victimized to a woman indecisive.
-IYDM
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