A
male
 ,
anonymous
writes:I have a problem. There's a christmas party/formal in about 2 weeks and this girl invited me to come with her and some friends. I know it seems harmless, but I think she might fancy me, she's always talking to me on messenger, and last night my friends were winding me up saying she could be my date. I know it might seem shallow, she is a nice person but I just don't feel any physical attraction to date her even though I like her personality. On the other hand someone says I place my standards too high so I'm confused as to should I ask this girl out or not at the formal?
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male
reader, anon_e_mouse +, writes (2 December 2007):
 Speaking as a bloke who's had loads of female friends I'd have to say that the relationships I've had; the one's where there's been strong physical attraction have lasted the least.On more than a few occassions I've been mates with girls first and later regretted not taking it further. I think that the attraction does grow as you get to know someone.The biggest problem I find these days is as soon as you talk to someone of the opposite sex, I get the impression they think you're only after one thing and it can be hard.At the ened of the day I'd say forget what your mates are telling you. Do what you want to do.Yeah, whay not go out with her a bit as mates and see how it goes. Like I say on more than a few occassions I've met girls, we became good mates, then regretted no taking it further.If you're not sure continue as mates and see what happens.Good luck!
A
male
reader, GreenTea  +, writes (1 December 2007):
im gonna go with an old standard here:
Beauty is in the eye of the beholder.
Put yourself in her shoes. What if you really liked this girl, but she didn't find you attractive physically. Wouldn't you still want a chance?
I say go for it. Worst that can happen is that nothing happens.
Best case scenario, you find a really amazing person to spend your life with.
I think the choice is pretty clear.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (1 December 2007): If you don't like her, you just don't like her. Don't listen to your friends. I did that for a long time, listen to other peoples opinions, I guess cause I was skeptical of my own, and went with it even though it was against my instincts. And I always ended up worse off. In bad relationships. Just regretting stuff.
Don't hold other people's opinions higher than your own. If they think your standards are too high, then oh well. So be it. TRUST ME. Don't stop going against how you really feel because other people think that you are wrong. Cause you are not.
Who cares if they think your standards are too high?? Maybe their standards are too low.
Trust me if you go against how you feel and go with other people's opinions you are wasting time and just going to regret it.
You are making a big mistake if you ask this girl out. Don't be skeptical of your instincts cause they are ALWAYS right.
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A
female
reader, TasteofIndia +, writes (1 December 2007):
 Well, sometimes the physical part will grow with time - especially if you like her personality. Sometimes as you grow closer to a person, they become more and more attractive to you. So maybe you want to give her a chance (but be clear that you are going as "friends", so that she doesn't get the wrong idea right off the bat).
However, if you're just not feeling it, and you really have no interest in this girl, I wouldn't ask her. Then she'll THINK that you may like her, when you don't, feelings could get hurt... just looks like a disaster waiting to happen!
Good luck, sweetness.
xxIndia
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