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How do I handle my boyfriend's baby? Is the relationship worth going through this?

Tagged as: Big Questions, Dating, Family, Troubled relationships<< Previous question   Next question >>
Question - (7 August 2007) 6 Answers - (Newest, 8 August 2007)
A female United States age 36-40, anonymous writes:

My boyfriend who I have been dating for four months and who I love has two young kids. The youngest is 8 month old. It is very hard for me to accept the baby for some reason. How do I handle being in this situation? And how do I know he is truly worth going through this?

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A reader, anonymous, writes (8 August 2007):

This is verified as being by the original poster of the question

The oldest child is 5 and my boyfriend just turned 30...he is 11 years older then I am.

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (7 August 2007):

You're really young. If you are feeling this way already about him, it's best to go your separate ways. Don't make him feel bad about the fact that he has kids. Children are innocent in all of these relationship problems. I am sure that you will want a baby some day. Don't you want to go through that with a man who has never gone through it before, that way you can share all the firsts together? It is a special bonding thing & he has already been through this with another woman. He probably will not want any more children either.

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A female reader, x_goddess_x United Kingdom +, writes (7 August 2007):

x_goddess_x agony auntif you love your boyfriend you gotta accept the babies as they will always come first n so will you but the only thing is and dnt take me wrong but it like if you make him chose it should be the kids tht come first so my advice is just learn to get along with them there only kids

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (7 August 2007):

I can't imagine how you must feel. How long as it been since he seperated from the childs mother? I'm not sure I could cope with my man having a baby with someone else.

Its a big decision, but as the answer above, its his child and he has to be involved as a dad its the right thing to do.

You need to decide now wether you can deal with this, not only for your own sake, but for the babys sake. These situations can work, but only if you feel its worth it working, and only you can decide that. Good luck

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A female reader, penta United States +, writes (7 August 2007):

penta agony auntHow would you feel about him if he could choose you over the baby? That wouldn't say anything good about him, would it?

This baby is his, and that he's planning on being in that baby's life for the long haul says a lot of really good things about him and his character.

If you can't accept the baby then I think you need to do him and his children a big favor and leave him.

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A female reader, eyeswideopen United States +, writes (7 August 2007):

eyeswideopen agony auntWhat do you mean by you can't accept the baby? Is he raising the baby or does the baby live with the mother? Just remember the baby is a permanent fixture in your boyfriend's life. But more information would be helpful.

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