A
male
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:My gf broke up with me a few weeks ago. I've been broken up about this all this time. I tried to ignore her, I've tried talking to her, but nothing's working. I get the feeling that years from now, she might regret what she did, and I'll regret not doing anything. I really love her. Even though she says she just wants to be friends, should I fight for her? I want her to be happy, but my gut feeling is that this is just a giant mistake. What should I do?
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reader, anonymous, writes (9 September 2010): I'm sorry you are feeling so upset over the break-up. But what you are going through is natural. I think you feel it was a mistake because you miss her, and right now you cannot imagine a life without her. You cannot imagine ever getting over this, or of finding someone else. So you are desperately holding on to her.
If she just wants to be friends, then I don't think you should keep trying to get her back. You say you think you will both regret this break-up in years to come. But you don't know that. You cannot know how she will feel. I don't think the majority of people look back at their previous relationships and think it was a mistake to break up. Okay, some people do. But I have to say that I have never regretted any of my break-ups, even with those people I loved. At the time, yes. It all felt wrong. But now that I am over it, I know it was right, for both of us.
You have tried talking to her, and it isn't helping. I think she is just trying to move on, and even if you think she is making a mistake, she has made her choice. You cannot change that. This must be really horrible for you right now. But I think you should try and give this more time. Maybe things will change in a few months time, and you will get back together. Maybe not. But right now, pushing for a relationship will get you nowhere.
Try and give things more time. It always feels the worst at first. But as time goes on, it will ease, and you will be able to see things more clearly.
A
male
reader, CaringGuy  +, writes (9 September 2010):
My friend, your gut is telling you that this was wrong because you were the one who got dumped. If you'd dumped her, you'd be thinking you'd made the right decision.
The bottom line is that this girl has checked out of your relationship, and has made it clear already that she will not be taking you back. (You already said nothing's worked).
She is more than sure she has made the right decision.
Your gut is wrong. It really is. You love her, and that is causing you to be blinded to the fact she has moved on already.
The time has come for you to be honest with yourself, and accept that she has ended it. The more you hassle her, the more you degrade yourself and look desperate, and the more she will say she's done the right thing. You need to be moving on. Cut all contact, delete her numbers and spend time on your own life. Don't make the mistake of chasing after her, because the better girls will pass you by.
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