A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:Hey all any advice on how to help with us will be amazing! So thanks in advance!Im 19 years old, and in university where i met my boyfriend who's 20 years old. Weve been together for 4 months and everything is perfect for him, and everything should be perfect for me, apart from im finding it difficult to cope.When i was 15 years old i got with a boy that lived near me and went to my school, we broke up when i was nearly 18. The relationship was hell, and i tried to get out of it so many times, i just didnt have the confidence, courage and i was scared. He was extremley nice when we first got together until around 2 months in, thats when he started to become controlling, im a very girly girl, i like my long hair and i like to wear make up and paint my nails, and wear summer dresses and flip flops, the usual. He stopped me doing my nails as he thought it was to get male attention, he booked me an appointment for a 'make over day' to which my hair was cut off, and he invented a 'suprise new look for me'. It broke my heart, and he new it did. He stopped me wearing dresses, heels, even flip flops. He would comment on my weight,( Im a uk size 8) my outfits, everything i did he made sure i new his opinion on it and that i did what he said. He even made me a written rule book stating what i was allowed to do and wasnt. I wasnt allowed on the internet, to have boys phone numbers, to have passwords on my phone, to leave my house without telling him, to go to partys or out to pubs, to even go clothes shopping without him.He often told me i was ugly, fat, worthless and told me no boy would want me. He also made me feel like i was awful in bed, and when i gave him blow jobs, he would tell me 'its just not doing it for me' and push me off him, even if i could feel his legs shaking and that he was going to cum. He split my lip numerous of times, gave me 4 broken fingers, two broken toe's, a broke rib, kinked a bone in my wrist and a fractured skull. Luckly they said i didnt need operating on but have to go back for x-rays every 6 months.My new boyfriend no's my old boyfriend and no's that he's violent and that we didnt have a good relationship, he's never commented on our relationship but he has said i have no reason to be scared of him anymore, that he will make sure that he never comes near me again, let alone lays a finger on me. My new boyfriend is amazing, i met his ex girlfriend in a club not long before we got together, and she told me how she was devastated when he broke up with her after 2 years, and that she had a lot of repsect for him, that he was really good guy.He always comments on how gorgeous i am, always asks me what i want and what i want to do. He makes sure i pay for nothing even if it try to, and lets me no how much he thinks of me randomly he writes me love letters and buys me flowers.So i bet your wondering whats the problem? Im finding it difficult to do what i want and not be controlled, i feel like screaming just pick something, i dont want to! When he askes me what i want to do, i get snappy and moody over little things, im paranoid constantly and i dont express my feelings enough. Im scared to dearh of him leaving me and im scared to death of losing him, yet i push him away. I see myself as a complete nightmare of a girlfriend yet i cant seem to change!What can i do? I dont want to be a mess up! xx
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male
reader, anonymous_jp  +, writes (10 April 2010):
your ex is evil i dont know how anyone could do that to someone. it seems like youve gotten used to being controlled, you were like his prisoner. you really shouldnt get mad at your new boyfriend for treating you well, maybe itll just take time and youll get used to this new way of living. talk to him about this and tell him you really care about him. see a therapist, they can help. make sure your new boyfriend understands that you care and are having a hard time adjusting to this new life but you are willing to try and be better.
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