A
male
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:I don't consider it cheating, but I certainly think it's inappropriate behavior and my wife thinks otherwise.My wife and I are married for quite a few years. I (we) paid for her to go to college and when our kids started being in school all day she got a job as a teacher. She needs to keep taking classes to keep her teaching license. I told her to just enroll in and start getting her Master's degree. That will meet the requirements, and if she gets her Master's it's about a 12K increase in salary. She is all for it, and enrolled in a graduate program last August.There is this guy in her classes going for the same degree. They have become friends and my wife has told me all about him. They pick each other for partners in classroom projects, like papers, presentations, webinars, etc..Last weekend, we were out at the mall doing some shopping and this guy, I'll just call him 'R'. He came up to my wife and gave her a hug, then she kissed him. I mean on the lips, not a sexual kiss, but not a quick kiss on the cheek either. She introduced us, we talked for a few minutes, then he said to my wife, I'll see you in class Monday night.My wife thinks this is no big deal, she says they always hug when they meet at the start of class. I'm thinking that they might also kiss, otherwise, why would she just so casually kiss him kind of in front of me. I'm not a really jealeous type of guy, but I have a few issues with this. 1st. If she's hugging and kissing this guy at school, people will either think they are dating, or if they know she is married, they will think she is cheating. That hurts me very much. 2nd. I'm OK with her having a male friend, and I don't think it's cheating, but I think kissing another guy is totally WRONG. I means hugs are OK, even a kiss on the cheek as a greeting is fine. Maybe a little too much for a married woman, but I would be fine with it.My wife thinks I'm overreacting, and that her and 'R' are just classmates who just seem to connect. I told her I'm uncomfortable with this open display with another man who is not me, her husband. She said she will not kiss him in greeting anymore, but is it OK to hug him a hug when they meet. I said sure.Now, I'm thinking that maybe I should have my wife transfer to another school, or at least tell her to not talk to 'R' outside of school and make sure she takes classes at a different time than him.Am I over-reacting? Or is my wife down-playing this thing and how I feel about it.
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
male
reader, Danielepew  +, writes (18 April 2012):
 Question. How often do people usually hug each other in the United States? Is a hug a usual way to greet people? Is a kiss on the lips the usual way to greet a friend of the opposite sex?
I say this because I'm a Latin Ameriocan and we are well known to be way more touchy-feely than almost everybody else. And we don't do that unless we have romantic intentions. We normally kiss women on the cheek when we greet them. But we don't kiss them on the lips unless we mean SOMETHING, and unless the woman approves. We may hug, but a hug everytime you meet someone is a display of caring more than usual.
How often does an American man hugs a married woman and kiss her on the lips?
A
female
reader, Deagan +, writes (17 April 2012):
 I don't think you are over-reacting. It's only appropriate to kiss your spouse and family, in my opinion.
And I don't have to be a man to know he's playing the pissing on territory game and seeing how far he can go.
Quite honestly, he should have known better than to do that in front of you. He didn't even say good bye to you or say "nice meeting you." He did not acknowledge you. I truly think it's a sign of disrespect.
I would almost like to believe that this man is very attracted to your wife and is very interested in her. Like wise, your wife is experiencing some sort of attraction towards him. Even though they might not be having any sort of affair, it's certainly giving her an ego boost that she is still found attractive and is wanted by other men. She doesn't want that to go away and that's why she's telling you that it's not a big deal and that's why she seems to be defending her friend's actions.
I'm really siding with you on this. Don't give her an ultimatum, but tell her that you would feel more comfortable if she didn't study or attend classes with him anymore. Truly expose your feelings about it, don't guard yourself, be honest. Either she respects her husband's feelings, or she doesn't. If she doesn't, this is not something you should shrug off and just accept.
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A
female
reader, aunt honesty  +, writes (17 April 2012):
 I don't think you should start looking in to getting her to change classes or to avoid him outside of the course because this will only cause an argument between the both of you. I don't think you are over reacting, it was a little to much to kiss him on the lips while greeting him, a hug is fine sure but the kiss was a bit much. But you have spoke to her about this now and she has said she won't do it again, therefore I think you should give her the benefit of the doubt and don't look in to transferring her to somewhere else, as she will only hate you for this. I guess you just need to trust her and believe that this is only a friendship.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (17 April 2012): Its how you interpret it and if you feel uncomfortable tell her to cut that tie before it affects ur relationship with ur wife. Good luck
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A
male
reader, Mr R  +, writes (17 April 2012):
I think you would be over-reacting if you pushed it any further. She has respected your request to not kiss him on the lips as a greeting (something I myself wouldn't exactly be thrilled about) but she is obviously friends with this guy and I think it would be too much to ask that she transfer or stop seeing him altogether.
Perhaps one of the reasons she is so friendly with this guy is because she has started taking this new class on her own and just gets on with him. Understandably, having someone who you get on with can make the journey much easier, it doesn't mean anything will come with it.
To sum up, I think you were right to let her know that you felt uncomfortable with the kiss, but pushing it any further would be a mistake and it isn't your decision who she can and can't hang out with.
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