A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:i have been with my husband for 10 months and married for 3. just recently we have both lost our jobs and we are in a right mess. before i met him i was very independent, had a good job, good car and savings. now i have nothing and he has dragged me down to his cousins place which is 250 miles from my home. i still have a rented home which i could go home to but my husband and his cousin have found a flat for me to rent round here and i just dont want it. my husband is pressuring me to get this flat knowing that i dont want to stay here. i told him a few days ago when i was at my own home that i did not want to come down and live there. he said ok but as soon as i got here he started the pressure again to stay and live round here. i have a job interview to attend on thurs morn back where i live and also i am qualified and can earn 30 to 40 pounds an hour in swedish massage if i wish but i dont as my husband doesnt want me to do this job. he has told me that if i dont stay here then he will go back to his own country. yes i believe that is blackmail. what should i do?
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female
reader, oldbag  +, writes (18 April 2012):
 Hi
you married your husband after knowing him 7 months ? So you in that time have lost everyhting you knew , security job and somehow your savings have gone too . If you want that independance back along with the lifestyle then you will have to end the marriage . You hit a bad patch and neither of you can agree where to live . Marriage is compramising and coping together with problems not threats and blackmail . You cant agree on where to live and now YOUR life is elsewhere .
A
female
reader, Wisdom  +, writes (18 April 2012):
 Tell him to go!... he won't , he is testing you and trying to bully you. Don't stand for it. You will see he will move back with you
Good luck
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A
female
reader, Ciar  +, writes (18 April 2012):
 Call his bluff. No fuss, no muss, no drama.
I don't recommend you leave a position of relative safety and security for one of uncertainty, especially when you're already so disinclined.
Since we're talking about therapeutic massage I also suggest you consider returning to that line of work since it's what you know, like and it pays well.
The problem with making so many big sacrifices so soon is that there is seldom a big pay off in the end. You give up so much and end up resenting it later when there is nothing you can do about it. You can do something about it now.
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