A
male
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes: I think my girlfriend is possibly cheating on me. I am really confused....she really seems sincere, tells me she loves me all the time, but certain behavioral patterns really bother me. Though our relationship for now is strictly online (thats how and where we met) she says we will meet in person when she is ready, being she states that she had a bad experience with online dating and the guy dumped her after they met and he got what he was after. But it really makes me uneasy, she has lots of male friends and they leave comments on her facebook a lot, and she leaves comments on theirs....not just a friendly hi or hello, but stating obvious physical attraction. Not like sexual requests but "hey, you're cute" and stuff like that. It took me a while to convince her to list me as her boyfriend as well. And lately, what bothers me the most, is we used to talk all night long, until the earliest hours of the morning. Lately, that all changed. She out of nowhere announces she is tired and says she gotta get up early, claiming she is gonna start college. I am not sure if she really is going to attend, but her reason is she said when we meet, she wants to be financially stable and not just be a burden. Thats understandable, but it doesn't quite add up. This girl used to talk to me almost constantly, especially late at night. Now she heads to bed early (supposedly) and another thing I want to point out is she gets a LOT of phone calls, never really tells me who it is, she says "just a friend" and I know most of the time, its a guy. But she claims they are just friends and have no interest in her. A few nights ago, out of nowhere, she said that me and her talk almost all the time and she wanted to spend the night talking with a friend (which later on I found out was with another guy) and I was upset about this. I wanted to spend the night talking with her because I was going to be busy all day, the next day. She gave me no indication of when she was coming back, if at all. The next day, she claims she was only going to talk for a little while then call me back (she never said that) and immediately asked "are we breaking up?" I don't know why she immediately asked that, but she claims she is insecure, as am I. Though when we talk, I trust her and we get along so great but she suddenly has to disappear and always tells me later "oh so and so needed me" or "I was talking with a friend" but never really gives names unless its the names of guy friends that I know. And the biggest issue is a few weeks ago, online I was talking with her and she put me on hold (which like I said, she does a lot) and we were on webcam, and I could hear her talking. I didn't get the whole conversation but at the end of the call I heard a guy's voice and she said "I love you...then the male voice said something and she said "bye baby" and I freaked. I messaged her on AIM and said "who was that?" she gave me a question mark response and told me to call. I asked again who was it and she said it was her sister. I said I heard a man's voice. She said her sister lives with her boyfriend, but I heard the voice on the phone, not as a voice walking by her. And I asked why she said "bye baby?" then and she claims it was to her sister's daughter. But it makes no sense, she said it with little hesitation, especially after I heard the male voice. So much just does not add up. I known this girl about 7 months and she seems so sincere and genuine, but things like this happen fairly often. What should I do? Do you think she is cheating or not?
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female
reader, SallyGal +, writes (19 February 2011):
I think you have to consider an online girlfriend whom you have never met as someone that..well, you have never met. Seven months is a long time to go without having a date, is it realistic to think that you would be faithful to one another for 7 months when you've never met? (Faithful as in not talking to other people).
Having said this, it does sound as if she is seeing someone else. Leave her alone, there are many other wonderful people on the internet. Aside from seeing someone, she is lying to you about it, and honesty has to be a number one priority for any internet relationship to thrive.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (14 February 2011): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThanks for your responses. It appears MANY of you think she is cheating me. As I said, a big part of me believes indeed she is, when I am not talking to her and I am on hold or away from her long periods of time, I get horrible feelings that she is talking to other men on the phone intimately, and as I stated she has a LOT of male friends. But in her defense (I guess) she has me listed as in a relationship with on facebook, and if she had another actual boyfriend, this guy wouldn't stand for it and would confront me....at least I know I would if it were the other way around. I keep a look out on her facebook and she doesn't really flirt with anyone, and if flirting gets out of hand on the guy's part, she indeed tells them off. But there are a few I question, though they live like 1000 miles away from her, she spends a lot of time talking to them or playing games online with them. Could just be friends....could not be. It depends on how you look at it, I guess. She gave me her address and everything but told me not to show up unexpectedly for personal reasons (she's injured, bandaged up and doesn't want me seeing her like that for the first time, supposedly.) And lately she gets less phone calls than usual, but here and there I have my doubts that she is fuggin around because out of the blue she says "I will call you back" after I hear a beep and sometimes wont call back for 15-30 minutes, sometimes over an hour. My guess is either she is nieve and doesn't get these men wanna get in her pants or she just loves the attention and wants men to fight over her. When we met, she was dating a guy and wouldn't flirt with me, that much I can say. But our rare phone calls became more frequent and she became friendlier and eventually left this guy for me, because she said he was way too distant, which I saw because he was never online and rarely ever called her up (according to her) but according to him, he'd call and she would put him on hold, he would get pissed and hang up and avoid her, spitefully. Like I said, all depends on how you look at it and time will certainly tell.
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A
female
reader, Boycrazy +, writes (13 February 2011):
She could be talking to five diffrent guys while she's talking to you. SHES DEFINITELY CHEATING! Move on theres plenty of fish in the sea.
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A
male
reader, Capri2 +, writes (12 February 2011):
Dating is already hard in person. How will you manager this with a virtual relationship. If you have doubts, move on.
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A
male
reader, defeated +, writes (12 February 2011):
she met uonline, who else did she meet before, or after metting u
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (12 February 2011): I don't see how people can call living their daily life in the here and now cheating in a "relationship" that is nothing more than a fantasy that exists only in the minds of the two engaged in it.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (12 February 2011): I think she is cheating. Leave her. There are many other girls in the world who can be your girlfriend.
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